Alright, before I even get into this piece of childhood nostalgia, as an adult, I want to point out that the ponies premier adventure is ten, that’s right, ten parts long. Thank Cher that they’re only ten minutes apiece. I don’t know if I could take 200 minutes of inaugural pony action. It’s nothing like the donkey show I saw in Tiaju- never mind.
After the opening credits with “My little pony. My little pony”, we see a winged pony playing in what I presume is giant dandelions. He/she/it scares Baby Cuddles. Dear Oprah is it gonna be this cute the whole time? Cuddles crashes into a mini dragon that sounds like Buster Bunny. Since they haven’t said his name, I’m gonna call him Buster Dragon, which makes him sound like a Yugioh card. What’s that? I’m stalling to avoid the cuteness? You don’t know me.
The ponies, and Buster Dragon, are heading for Flutter Valley; The most beautiful place in all of Pony Land. Little do they know they are being watched from a cauldron. Hydia, who sounds like Mom from Futurama, must be related to Mumm-Ra, since they use the same voyeuristic viewing methods. For my own amusement I shall call her Momm-Ra. She wants to ruin the ponies celebration. She has her daughter-minions go to take care of them. They ask how, and she screams, “Any button! They all retaliate!”. Ok, she actually reminds them they’re witches, and says that’s how.
The witches, who seem very backwoods redneck, head out to stop the ponies. Beulah May and Ruby Sue, not their real names. This show isn’t big on naming people so far, so I have to. One says to grab them. The other says there are too many to grab. They need a plan. Beulah May falls into some mud, eats some worms, and uses magic to turn some flowers into a lasso. Wonder Woman she ain’t.
A pony with jewel shaped eyes says she hopes they haven’t missed the celebration. Uh, if you’re invited guests, I’m sure they won’t start the party without ya. The backwoods witches from the volcano of gloom start capturing ponies. The ponies tell Buster Dragon to go for help. He gets caught too. Oh no! Momm-Ra watches from cauldron cam, and tells her rats how proud she is of her girls. She’s so proud!
Flutter Valley. We see several ponies with butterfly style wings flying around. They wonder why the ponies are late. I hope nothing happened. What could happen? It’s a beautiful day, the sun is shining, and life is wonderful! Actual dialogue. Oh sweet Midler help me though this. We’re only half done. The Flutter Ponies see that the other ponies were captured. They switch to flutter power, and release cotton spores or something, making the witches sneeze, and allowing the ponies to get away. Momm-Ra will not be pleased.
Queen Flutter Pony sits beneath a jewel, pontificating about how wonderful and beautiful the sun is. Ruby Sue and Beulah May are gonna try again. QFP declares this day to be Sun Tuesday. Sun-Day would have made more sense. Oh well. As we pan out on the ritualistic ruins they’re in, the jewel glows, and all the ponies sing about how great the sun is. Clearly these ponies have never been in Phoenix during August. The sun’s not so great when you’re Irish. Am I bitter? Absolutely. Zoidberg chic isn’t just an oxymoron, it’s implausible.
The bumbling witches decide to try something simple this time. Cause, you know, lassoes are complicated. Oh! Let’s try a landslide! Really, ladies? Alright. There’s no way this can go wrong. As the witches try to get their land sliding on this light flow day, the Bushwoolies offer some bush melons to QFP. Does “bush melon” sound dirty to anyone else? No? Moving on. The pony holding the chocolate cake looked baked. Maybe she’s Hash Pony.
The ponies hear rumbling as the landslide starts. QFP says “run, my little ponies. Fly away my little flutter ponies. Hide, Bushwoolies, hide!”. Thanks, but if rocks are falling, I will figure out that I need to escape without being told. Thanks, your majesty. I can see why you’re queen. I was gonna pose the question whose little ponies they all were, but that answered that. Buster dragon questions what they can do to stop the sun stone from falling. Maybe securing it rather than perching it precariously would be a good start. Credits.
What? Credits? They can’t end on a hoof-biting cliffhanger like that. I can’t sleep not knowing, oh who am I kidding. Thank the almighty Judy that it’s over. There was too much cuteness crammed into those ten minutes. I need to watch something rugged and manly after that. I know! He-Man and the Masters of the Universe! Stop laughing!