Author Archives: beviannajaxon

Pride Post – Sexual Compatibility

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By Joshie Jaxon

Greetings, geek fans! It’s been forever and a day since I’ve posted anything new. Part of that is my FB page is being stupid with letting me post, but that’s it’s own issue. Anyhow, like most people, I’ve been in survival mode during the pandemic, and nearly all of my creative energy has been used to keep my depression at bay. That hasn’t exactly been a success, but I’m still here, which is what counts. I’ve wanted to get some new content out there, but as an essential work who hasn’t missed a beat, even with the labor shortage, there’s been no time or energy to do so. That being said, gonna try and make some time to reclaim the pieces of me that I’m not giving up on. Let the geeks begin. Side note, I may retire that phrase, or at least not use it on personal entries. We’ll see.

As you can tell from the title, I’ve had sexual compatibility on my mind lately, and since I’m still a believer that representation and visibility matters, I’m going to share personal details from my life, in the hopes that it may help you with your own. Or at least provide the feeling that you aren’t alone, if you’re going through something similar.

Like most gay men, I am a fairly sexual person. I say most, not all, as there are some who have no desire or real sex drive at all, besides masturbating. There are those of us who spent our early out years racking up as many conquests as possible, either for the thrill, or the low self esteem that made us whores, or we just enjoy sexual activity and want all that we can get. Others, aren’t driven or motivated by sex at all. That’s not something that I personally understand, but that doesn’t make it any less valid. So, what happens when those two types of people get together? I’ll give you a real world example.

I met my husband online, through mutual friends on FB. Once we started chatting, it was the deep, personal, conversations that kept us talking until dawn; everything from him being pan, to me being poly, movies, fandoms, etc. It didn’t even take a sexual tone for a full week, that’s how into getting to know each other we were. I was living in Utah, and he in Washington, so there was no way for us to have a physical release together, aside from sexting and pics, which we did. Within six weeks, I’d decided that I had to visit and meet the person who I’d decided was the one. I flew to Seattle, and we spent a weekend together. We made love several times, cuddled, and it was agony to have to go back home. Less than two months after that visit, I’d moved to Washington so that we could be together. There was the initial sexual catch up, before getting into the routine of our lives, and it was bliss.

As time went on, I noticed that my then-Bf was rarely initiating sexual activity, to the point I stopped initiating it myself, to see how long it would take him to notice. He didn’t seem to. I stopped jerking off, to build some tension. I’d spoon my boner into his back at night. Still nothing. Rather than saying anything, I let that go on for six months. For half a year, the only person touching my penis was me. I’d even tried to blow him one morning, and though he was hard, he had me stop as he needed to get breakfast. To say it was upsetting was an understatement. I was a person who had thirty encounters one year, and now I couldn’t even get my own Bf to touch me. The real blow was that he claimed ownership of my penis as his, but wasn’t doing anything with it. With my self esteem dropping lower and lower, something had to be done.

I finally set aside some time for us to talk, knowing that it wasn’t a subject he was going to like, but I had to communicate my feelings before I did something stupid. Yes, I was worried that he’d deny me, but I wasn’t getting laid as it was, it wasn’t as though he could take more sex away from me. I explained that sexy time was something I needed, and that jerking off alone wasn’t enough. It released the tension, but wasn’t nearly as satisfying as the interaction and connection with him, even if it was just handies. He was sorry that I’d felt that way, and made effort to do more, encouraging me to speak up if I needed that kind of attention. It felt odd having to ask for something I felt was a given part of a relationship, let alone being a guy, but things improved, for a time.

Sexual release wasn’t a weekly, or even a bi-weekly occurrence, but it wasn’t taking six months to get there either. I had another conversation, asking if he was taking care of himself. He told me that he was, and that it was mostly when bored cause I wasn’t home. For him, sex had always been something to make you feel good when you were sad, and with me he wasn’t ever sad or upset, so it never came up. The words made sense, but I still didn’t get not wanting someone else to share an orgasm with.

We finally got married, three and a half years into the relationship. It took nearly a year for actual penetrative consummation of the marriage, but there had still been grinding, frot, and handies, I wasn’t being denied release. I finally mustered the courage to bring up the possibility of a sexual surrogate, or a third, for us. Being a poly individual, I saw no issue with such a request. The husband was upset, as he had a very mono mindset, and the idea of me wanting to sleep with someone else translated to I didn’t care about him. But wanting me to be happy, he was open to the idea, in theory. The practice was another issue. He didn’t want me finding someone else for sex, but didn’t want me that way himself. I was sinking back into depression, and researched online to find answers.

After looking into things, reading pages, and watching videos, it was becoming clear to me that my husband was asexual. In a non-accusatory fashion, I brought up my research, and asked what he thought. He looked into it himself, and agreed that he hit a lot of the boxes, but seeing the spectrum of Ace out there, he saw himself as more of an Aegosexual (I’ll include some of the details below). After looking at that specifically, it all started to click. It wasn’t that he didn’t find me desirable, it just wasn’t something he really thought about at all. I asked what that meant for us going forward. He wasn’t sure.

It’s been a work in progress, but we’re figuring it out. Trying to just initiate morning activity wasn’t the best. We did discover that if I was in the mood, and starting taking care of myself, that was a turn on for him, and he’d get involved. It seemed as long as there wasn’t pressure on him to perform or engage, he could if he was interested. I still feel a little guilt at him doing things to make me happy, even though he’s not super into it, but that’s my own issue to work on. The point is that we’re coming up on five years together, and we’re able to have these conversations without it damaging the relationship. It’s only been making us stronger. If I want to cuddle, and have hands running over him, and want his on me, I specify that I’m not looking to get off, and to ignore the ensuing erection unless he’d like to do something with it. There is still talk about us finding a third, and he’d like it to be someone we’d both get along with. We don’t know how he’d react to another person actually getting physical with me, but I’ve promised we’ll keep the lines of communication open. Neither of us needs fo apologize for feeling what we feel. All we can do is try to make sure the other is happy, and our needs are met. Love can do many things, as long as you’re open to it.

Naruto Shippuden – Series Finale Review

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By Joshie Jaxon

Greetings, geek fans! After years and years of watching, we’re talking over a decade if we count the original series, I’ve finally finished the Naruto series. Yes, I’m aware Boruto exists, and I may give it a chance, especially since we get to see familiar faces all grown up. For now though, I wanna talk about how this series wrapped up.

I know that the original manga was still being produced alongside the anime, and that causes a need for filler, but omfg did it feel like there was an excessive amount of it towards the end. Some of it was interesting, such as Itachi’s backstory, and the Akatsuki as a whole. While others, like the ninja ostrich, Kabuto’s history, and seeing nearly everyone’s dream when the endgame happened was almost too much. I watched on super fast forward, or skipped chunks altogether if they weren’t advancing the main story. By the end, after final confrontations were settled, it just felt like they were limping to the 500 episode mark.



There were a great many things I enjoyed about the series as a whole, especially as I never read the entire manga. The revelation about Tobi/Obito was surprising. Though looking at young Obito’s hair, and how Tobi kept his, it wasn’t much of a stretch, but it was still awesome to find out he was the mastermind of everything since before Naruto was born. Being the one to cause his master’s death, as well as his wife, wow. They even gave him a decent redemption arc there at the end. Granted, that’s cause there was worse out there.



The idea that Madara was alive was hinted at by Tobi, when he claimed that’s who he was. It wasn’t until Kabuto used the reanimation and showed Tobi just why his claim was impossible that things got good. I loved most of the reanimation fights. They were somewhat filler on their own at times, but it at least felt plot related, as opposed to just flashbacks of what people were doing while Naruto was off training. Though I will admit, I laughed way too hard at Konohamaru using the sexy jutsu to try and master the rasengan. That was more entertainment Thani thought I was going to get. Once Madara entered things, and was taking on the five great nation leaders, it was everything I wanted in a villain, and while I wasn’t rooting for him like I do most villains, a small part of me did. In particular, once he sat down to wait for the original Hokage, rather than fighting a clone. Series could’ve ended with him winning, and I’d have been kind of ok with it.



Then they had to go and add Kaguya. I get it, again, waiting for the manga to finish. Intended or not, her involvement felt tacked on, and filler-y. We had to try and want to care and I found myself checking out. They gave us backstory, and it implied she was alien or celestial, with others coming, that never did. At least with Super Gramps Sage, we’d heard the name through the series leading up to that point. She was an unknown, but was all-powerful, so her identity and such were lost to time, while the Sage of Six Paths wasn’t? I don’t buy it. Her inclusion sucked, and I see no reason that she needed to be part of anything at all. That’s just me though.



I enjoy getting to see a fully powered Naruto and Sasuke fight, but there’s still something that bothers me. When watching strictly for the main story, the great ninja war essentially takes place over two full days. Dawn of the third day, those two go have a showdown, after literally fighting for the world all night, with no food or sleep. Even Vegeta at the end of DBZ acknowledged that Goku was stronger, and put it to rest. Well, until Super. At the very least, Sasuke should’ve wanted to fight Naruto once they’d both rested, and were at full strength. Who wants to have a rivalry-defining match when they’re not their best. Raise your left hand. C’mon, Sasuke. Oh, too soon? My bad.



A final issue I had, though it was just a minor one. I don’t see why Obito couldn’t have told Naruto, Sakura or Kakashi to grab his eyes before he turned to dust. It makes no sense to me to remove such an important part of the series and character, to leave the copy ninja without the ability to still do so. Again, these things are just a few notes that the storyteller in me had reservations about. I love the series as a whole, and love the voice acting done within it. Maybe some of it got addressed in Boruto. I dunno yet. Until next time, stay geeky and keep gabbing!



Disney Dynasty – Chicken Little (1943)

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By Joshie Jaxon

You may be expecting the movie with aliens, and Zach Braff, but if you caught the year, this is the short version. The one the Golden Girls were able to tell as part of an episode, though they called it Henny Penny. In either event, this is one I remember from when I was little, but watching it as an adult today gave me some unexpected dread with how relevant it still is. I’ll try not to beat y’all over the head with it, but I’m sure many of you will draw the same conclusions. Let the geeks begins!

We open in a farmyard, with classic voiceover narration, and are introduced to our characters. Cocky Locky, the head bird of the place.

Henny Penny, and the rocking chair brigade, who poke their beaks into everyone’s business, rather than sticking to their knitting. Lovely, but it gets better. We see them clucking around a table, as the voiceover tells us they sound just like people.

Next is Turkey Lurky and the smart set, who sit and discuss what’s wrong with the world. Then the jitterbirds, who are strictly there to show chickens dancing, and aside from being part of the future masses, serve no other purpose I can think of.

We then go to Goosey Poosey, Ducky Lucky and all the other gay ducks, all gathered when there’s something to drink. Going with gay being happy, not homo, their group are the drunks of the place.

Finally we meet Chicken Little, playboy and yo-yo champ. I doubt he was hanging out with a young Heff back then. It’s fun how language changes and evolves. He’s stupid, but a good egg. Uh, thanks?

The story continues with the birds all being happy, since there’s a big fence protecting them. But wait! There’s Foxy Loxey, someone very much interested in eating everyone we’ve just met. He doesn’t, because of the fence, the locks, and the farmer’s shotgun. Much like Nick Wilde though, he’s a clever foxy. He’s gonna use psychology to get them all. He pulls out his book, and reads aloud. Quote: “To influence the masses, aim first at the least intelligent”. Let the modern parallels begin.

He looks over each member of the cast to find the one that’s nice and stupid, and settles on our title character. How he knows all of their names is a question we don’t get answered. I’ll just assume it’s from casing the joint. Back to his book, “If you tell ‘em a lie, don’t tell a little one, tell a big one”. He then rips a star of a nearby wooden sign, inhales an entire cigar, and blows the smoke through a hole in the fence, surrounding Chicken Little. Then, atop the fence, he uses foley tricks to simulate thunder, and a watering can for rain, before dropping the wood right on his head. He returns to the smoke hole, and says he’s the voice of doom. The sky is falling, and a piece just hit you in the head. Stay calm. Don’t panic. Run for your life!

Chicken Little then tears through the area, stopping at Henny Penny’s to tell her that the sky is falling, and a piece of it hit him in the head. She freaks, and the two of them carry on, shouting about the sky falling as more locals hear them, look up, and start to worry. Soon, he’s gathered an entire crowd at the piece of wood, and is pointing, showing them the proof. Oh no! They’ll all be killed. Whatever will they do? Cocky Locky works his way through the crowd, asking what’s going on. Chicken Little again says how he was hit in the head by a piece of the sky. Cocky tells him that it’s just a piece of wood, and throws it back over the fence, hitting Foxy with it, and telling everyone to get back to their business.

Foxy isn’t going to be outdone that easily, and goes back to his book for help. “Undermine the faith of the masses in their leaders”. I don’t know what psychology book this is, but I don’t recall anything like this when I took the class in school. We cut to Henny and the lady birds clucking about how Cocky would know what he’s talking about. Outside what I assume is the fence, and not their building, Foxy dawns some drag to get into character, and starts saying in a more feminine voice, but what is he’s wrong? They’d all be killed. The chickens start clucking up a frenzy. Outside the turkey coop? Is that a thing? *shrug Foxy has glasses, and says very formally that Cocky is showing totalitarian tendencies, and is trying to dictate to them. After all, shouldn’t they be able to judge for themselves if the sky is falling or not? Two groups down. Now with slurred speech, he starts whispering to the waterfowl how Cocky has been hitting the mash, and that he’s full of corn. Well, the local drunks start spreading it around the whole farm. He’s a chicken chaser. Um, isn’t that what roosters do? At any rate, the gossip catches up to Cocky himself with a resounding, “he’s not the cock of the walk anymore”. He’s visually upset.

Back at his book we get another quote. “By the use of flattery, insignificant people can be made to look upon themselves as born leaders”. He whispers to Chicken Little that they’ll listen to him now. He can lead them. Chicken Little stands on a rock, declares himself their new leader, and that he’ll save their lives. Cocky says not to listen to the pipsqueak. There’s some back and forth about if the sky is falling or not, concluding with Cocky stating if it were, it would hit him in the head. Cue Foxy with a slingshot and another star. Cocky gets beaned, and that’s all the proof they need. Whatever will we do, Chicken Little? Thanks to no one else not being able to hear Foxy tell him to go to the cave, they all follow like the mindless sheep, er, birds they are.

Foxy sets up signs pointing them towards the cave, as everyone breaks down the fence door and runs. As they all pile in, the narrator tells us that it will turn out alright. Cut to a fat Foxy licking a wishbone, and placing it among all the others. The narrator is shocked, as that’s not how it ends in his book. Foxy tells him not to believe everything he reads, and starts plays with Chicken Little’s yo-yo. That’s nice and dark for a Disney ending. Then again, it was seventy years ago. Either way, it’s dark for a modern audience as well, given what’s been playing out in front of the world lately. At any rate, stay geeky, and keep gabbing!

After writing this, I discovered it was supposed to be a WW2 warning, and that to drive the point home, Foxy was almost reading Mein Kampf instead of psychology. It all makes a lot more sense now. Doesn’t stop the modern parallel though. Sigh. Stay strong, America

Arrowverse Appreciation Post

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Just some shirtless men from the Arrowverse. Not everything I post has to be funny or deep. 😉

Oliver Queen / Green Arrow

John Diggle / Spartan

Roy Harper / Arsenal

Malcolm Merlyn / Dark Archer

Slade Wilson / Deathstroke

Ray Palmer / The Atom

Barry Allen / The Flash

Eddie Thawne

Ronnie Raymond / Firestorm

Jay Garrick / Earth-2 Flash

Wally West / Kid Flash

Ralph Dibny / Elongated Man

Carter Hall / Hawkman

Mon-El

Clark Kent / Superman

Spider-Man Far From Home – Post Credits Questions

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By Joshie Jaxon

Spoiler alert is in effect for anyone who hasn’t seen the movie, or sat all the way through the credits to the house lights coming up. If you don’t care about such things being spoiled, feel free to continue. Just be really, really, really sure. K?

First things first, I shouted a rather audible “Yes!” when J.K. appeared as J. Jonah Jamison. I’m beyond happy that they got him to assume the roll again. Yes, for the first time in the MCU, but I’m not going to split hairs. If I weren’t already excited for the next movie, having JJ “back” would’ve done it.

Speaking of The Bugle, I’m rather curious to see if a certain fishbowl is the one who directly leaked that footage, or if it was one of the surviving lackies. Assuming he’s alive, the long tease of the Sinister Six, May finally make its full, and glorious, debut in the MCU.

As far as Peter’s identity being revealed, yes there’s potential, but I’m not gonna speculate how they’ll play it. Mysterio said people will believe anything. They’ll either play it off, run with it, or we could get a less-likely Back in Black style story where Aunt May is in danger. I don’t see that happening, as several players and events haven’t happened, but we’ll see.

The final question I had, that may get cleared up with multiple viewings, is how long has Fury been with the Skrulls? Assuming Talos and company all found a home between Captain Marvel and now, how did Fury get back in touch with them? Has Fury been himself this whole time? If so, again I ask when he’d have the means to switch with one. Was it Skrull-Fury that got dusted? Did Fury have Carol take him with her after Tony’s funeral? I’m excited I’m the many directions this could take. However, like not being able to see Steve return the soul stone to the Red Skull, I’ll try to keep an open mind, and hope they reveal it in the future.

Pride Post – Why Pride Matters

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By Joshie Jaxon

I have a question. At what age did you learn that you could be victimized just for being who you are?

The ladies in the house will probably tell you they learned at a young age that they could be molested, kidnapped, raped, drugged, beaten, sold into slavery or sex traffic, simply because they were girls. Because they were smeller, weaker, or more delicate than men, they always had to be on guard. Keep your keys out. Park under lights at night. Don’t go out alone. Watch what you wear. Watch what you drink. What you say. Who you say it to. Do everything you can not to make yourself a victim. Such bullshit. We strip our daughters of their innocence and their authentic selves, all because someone else doesn’t recognize their rights and autonomy as equal.

A second question. This one for the homos, specifically. When did you learn that you had to hide who you were in order to fit in? I was never sat down and told not to cry, or show my feelings in order to be a man. My mom never said not to look too long in a locker room or I could be called a fag. However, I still learned to repress who I was, cause who I was was bad. Men don’t cry, and if they do, they get made fun of. You don’t discuss feelings, that makes you soft. Stare where you shouldn’t, and people will treat you differently. I didn’t get to live as my authentic self. I wasn’t raised with my dad. I know him now, and he’s wonderful( but I wonder how my personality and view of the world, and masculinity, would be different if I’d had him in my life sooner. Would I have learned that it was alright to cry when I was sad, or happy? Would I have felt comfortable discussing my attraction to the boys my age rather than girls? I’ll never know for sure. My adolescence was one of repression and fear. Hearing Barry Manilow referred to as “barely man enough”, coupled with not seeing any strong gay representation in the media at the time, I was alone and cutoff from finding myself and my tribe.

I’ve since found where I belong, and try to live my life as I am. I don’t retreat to the closet, at work or in public. However, I’m still very much aware that as an out gay man that I could be assaulted one day, for no good reason other than who I love. I’m one who parks near lights at night, and keeps my keys out, because even though I’m a fully grown man, that fear has very deep roots. I’m always aware of my surroundings, as well as exits when I go somewhere new. I don’t want to be a victim, but I’m the back of my mind I’m always aware that I could be. Is it fair to me? To my sister? Hell, to anyone? No, it isn’t, but it’s the reality we live in.

My final question is to the straight men. When were you taught that you were better than the rest of us? Short answer, you weren’t. Until or unless you’ve lived with the decades of persecution and fear, simply for being a straight man, the worry that you’ll wind up in the hospital, that your family will disown you, that you could lose your job, that you could be beaten and left for dead, you don’t need or deserve a straight pride anything. Sit your ass down and let us have our once a year event where we can feel 100% accepted. The thing you take for granted, Every. Single. Day.