Handheld Hits – Final Fantasy Explorers, Part 2

By Joshie Jaxon 

Greetings, geek fans! I was going to update my original post, but realized that I was going to be adding a lot of important details and visuals, so I decided to create part two. Don’t worry, all the goodness of part one is still available. In fact, if you need a refresher on the basics, allow me to link it for you. 


Now that you’re caught up, let the geeks begin! 

Alrighty, first item of business, the Monster Lab. As previously mentioned, as you defeat certain enemies, you gain their essence in the form of an atmalith. Take that atmalith to the lab, and for a fee, they’ll create a monster for you. The most expensive monster I’ve come across so far is 17,500 Gil, which isn’t all that bad after playing though hours of quests, or grinding for materials. The monsters themselves have their own abilities, and can level up, making them stronger. You can take up to three companions, depending on the size of their load. Not like that! There isn’t monster jizz or anything like that going on. Although, that is something the Japanese are jokingly known for. Load is the unit of measurement of the monster’s size. Again, not like that. Shockingly. Smaller, weaker, creatures have a load of 100, so you could take three, as your max is 300. However, creatures like say, Chocobos, have a load of 200, so you can bring one, and something smaller like say, Cactuar. There are two monsters I’ve seen so far that have a full load. Yeah, that time it was intentional. Black Knight, and Tonberry are deadly, and don’t want anyone else cramping their style. As they level up, they get ridiculously strong. I’ve got my knight at level 42, and he does some of the heavy lifting when taking on Eidolons. 

Speaking of the Eidolons, I’ve finally encountered, battled, and captured some. Yes, I said captured. At a certain point in the game, Cid decides that you’re skilled enough to handle magicite. Magicite allows you to enter trance, and summon the strength of either a classic Final Fantasy character, or an Eidolon. After you pass the test, you’re given a few magicite crystals from the wandering Moogle. Since those are the gimmies, I equipped Cloud, which grants the trance crystal surge of his signature move, Omnislash. When you trigger the ability in battle, you don’t just perform the move yourself, you become the character, and battle as them until the trance time expires. Now, as far as the Eidolons, you can equip them the same as Cloud and the others, which allows you to perform their attack, like Hellfire or Diamond Dust. I personally have yet to use them myself, as I really love being able to use Omnislash without waiting until disc 4 of FF VII. That being said, you don’t just gain the summon creatures. You have to battle them, and before defeating them, you have to trigger the Encase ability. If your Tonberry/Black Knight/etc knocks them out, you have to go back and battle them all over again. That can be a bit of a pain, especially with the later Eidolons like Odin and his one hit KO, Zantetsuken. 

Another item that I briefly touched on in part one was the job system. As you advance through your missions, more jobs become available. Like the airship and magicite, you have to prove your worth for some, while others are unlocked by completing certain tasks. For example, the Beastmaster job is made available after you’ve created 20 different monsters in the lab. Beastmaster’s special ability makes it easier to get atmaliths, and continue to grow your monster army. The Thief job allows you to steal items from your opponents, making it easier to create certain items. Now, speaking of item crafting, there are some excellent options available. You can get classic character signature outfits, such as Sephiroth, Cloud, Vaan, Yuna, Lightning, etc. One thing I don’t like is that the outfits are gender-locked, so your male character can’t wear Yuna attire, or your female couldn’t be Sephiroth. It won’t even give you a preview. Not that I’m necessarily into cross dressing, which for the record, was a MAJOR plot point in FF VII, but they could have made a male/female friendly version of these pieces. What if you’re a strong independent black woman who don’t need no Moogle, but you feel like dressing like the one-winged angel? Well, sorry, peaches, you can’t. It just seems like a stupid place to draw the line. Seriously, are they saying it’s demeaning for the men to dress in the clothes that are fine if you have boobs and no penis? Are the ladies somehow too inferior to be able to pull off Squall’s look? I think not, but I’m a writer, not a game designer, so my hands are tied. 

There’s still more that we need to cover, such as Streetpass, plot, notepad, monster fusion and more, but for now, I’m gonna call it a post. Until next time, stay geeky, and keep gabbing! 

Disney Dynasty – The Cookie Carnival 


By Joshie Jaxon 

Greetings, geek fans! Today I’ll be sharing one of my all time favorite Silly Symphonies. I adore cartoons like this one. Any time we get to see objects anthropomorphized, and doing comedic things, I’m in. Oddly, I’m not all that enthralled with the Toy Story franchise. That’s neither here nor there. The Cookie Carnival is from 1934, making it 82 years old, and it still holds up nicely. There are a few questionable choices, but given how the country was at the time, I’ll forgive them, but it won’t stop me from pointing them all out. Classic cartoons like this are what I live for, and we’re gonna break this one down like no other. Let the geeks begin! 

We open with a marching band of cookie men. It’s time for Cookie Town’s beauties on parade. To save explaining later, the entire world is made of cookies and treats. We good? Alright. There’s a chorus singing, here they come, freshly baked, covered with spice and candy flake, marching along in this parade, at the cookie carnival. I know it’s supposed to be just a cute song, but if these contestants were freshly baked, either they’re “special” cookies, or they just popped out of the oven. Either way, weird. Who’s making them? Animal crackers pull the first float into view, and we see Miss Peppermint. She’s serving up candy cane couture, and looks great. Isn’t a cookie though. Maybe the next one. Cookie penguins pull in Miss Cocoanut, serving up Eskimo realness, in coconut shavings. She could be a cookie under there. Next entry, in her banana peel car, Miss Banana Cake. Category is – is that hair gel, eleganza. She looks more like a bu-cake-ee, if you ask me. Groan all you want, there’s more perversion to come. Pun intended. Next up is Miss Strawberry Blonde, in her strawberry shortcake layered hoop skirt, and strawberry headpiece on her blonde hair. Get it? Moving on. The float behind her is Miss Peach, but it cuts away before we can see her. Sorry ’bout it. The next entry was the affirmative action entry for the parade. It’s Miss Licorice, pulled by her three black stereotypes. She’s serving up short skirt, head wrapped, not racist for it’s day, realness. Normally, I like to only have one picture a paragraph, so it’s my writing, not the visuals that take center stage, however, you have to see these pageant queens, so I’m going to include them all. You’re welcome. 






Now, during all of that Sugar Ball extravaganza, the song also let us know that they are going to be crowning a cookie queen. The Eskimo is the only one that might, MIGHT, be an actual cookie. Anyhow, we see a hobo cookie walking down the candy cane train tracks, whistling. He hears a homely looking cookie girl crying, and spiffs up to go introduce himself. You’re a hobo, and she’s a Cinderella style hot mess. Why are you trying to look impressive? He asks her why she’s so sad. She says she wants to be in the parade, but doesn’t have any pretty clothes to wear. She could enter as Miss Test Cookie. You know, the one that probably isn’t good, but lets you perfect things so the rest turn out alright. I’m assuming, that is. We always ate the cookie dough growing up, and it rarely made it to cookie form. 


Hobo Higgins decides he’s going to turn Cookie Doolittle into the cookie queen. First he grabs some nearby taffy, plops it on her head, and styles it up real nice. Next, he grabs a cupcake, turns it upside down, and uses the wrapper as the foundation for the dress. A nearby marshmallow is used as a powderpuff. What happens next is the most awesome piece of vintage cartoon innocence that Joshie totally takes out of context and makes into something dirty ever. Hobo Higgins grabs an eclair, and proceeds to squirt the creme filling all over Cookie Doolittle to make her dress. Yes, I’m serious. Yes, I’m giggling. Yes, I’m going to show it. In a second. Next he does the same with some jelly-filled, to give the dress a little color. He adds a purple bow in the back, and sprinkles candy hearts along the dress. Finally, he rubs his thumb on a candy heart, and uses it as blush on her cheeks, before having her kiss it to get the perfect heart-shaped lips. With her makeover complete, he eats the heart, and uses a lollipop to show her how pretty she is. It’s so good that Hobo Higgins came along. Lord knows that in 1934 a woman couldn’t do anything on her own, let alone give herself a makeover with nearby materials. Nope, without him, Cookie Doolittle would have just sat there crying as her eggs dried up. Assuming there were eggs in her recipe. 


Back at the parade we see Miss Pineapple Upside Down Cake pass by, as the judges shake their heads, and cross off her name on their boards. Lil Pound Cake must have been shown while we were witnessing the makeover. Another entry we can’t see passes by and they cross her off too. At least make them lip sync for her lives! We see the tail end of Miss Orange Crush’s float, followed by a muffin with a sign saying The End. Hobo Higgins shoves him out of the way, making Cookie Doolittle the final entry. Though, given the fact the judges have clipboards with the contestants on them, tells me she shouldn’t be eligible. They see her, and are all gagging on her eleganza; her cookie is on fire! They declare her the queen, and their judges booth breaks. All three run up to her, shoving Hobo Higgins aside. He’s then trampled by the Cookie Town crowd. The chorus starts singing about hailing the cookie queen. They march her to the layer cake at what I’ll assume is the center of town. They unroll a jelly roll from bottom to top to act as the red carpet. After seating her on the throne, and crowning her, they immediately declare that the queen must have a King. Cause again, 1934 and a woman can’t do Jack unless she’s got a man to help her along, in case there’s some thinking to do. I don’t know if cookie queen is their ruler, or if it’s strictly a pageant thing like at homecoming, but given what comes next, I’m gonna assume that it’s a ruling position, not just a fun title. 


The judges say that the candy-dates, yay, puns!, are waiting, and they have no time to lose. They raise the curtain, and tell her to pick any one she chooses. I don’t know why she needs to have a man right this minute. Perhaps if they see an unescorted woman in power too long, it might give the others ideas, and we can’t have that. On with the men! Each candy-date gets a song to plead their case. Don’t worry, I’ll be showing all of them too. First up, the Dandy Candy Kids. They have cookie faces, and candy cane limbs. They sing about how she’s won their heart, and if she’s smart, she’ll pick one of them. Next up, the Old Fashioned Cookies, like mother used to bake. She’s the only girl they love, and suggest she give one of them a break. Um, she was just crowned, and you know nothing of her. How can you love her already? Whatever. Next up, the Angel Food Cake, they want it understood that she should marry one of them, because they are so good. I swear these two are supposed to be gay. They have soft voices, and skirt style outfits. Maybe I’m reading too much into it. Then again, they did curtsy at the end. Next, in direct contrast to the prior act, Devil’s Food Cake. They’re naughty, but they’re nice. They’re nice, and naughty. Yeah, man! We get it, Bro, you’re straight. Next up, the Upside Down Cakes. Although they’re topsy-turvy, they’re head over heels in love. Again, how can they love her? During their act, Hobo Higgins is chased by the guards, and hides under the stage. The final act is the Jolly Rum Cookies. The have the hiccups, and with each one, they end up swapping noses. Cookie Doolittle giggles, and shakes her head no. The judges say they’ve tried their best to find her a King, and wonder what to do. Each one suggests they be the one to marry her. Then one says maybe she should marry all three. It’s like old school Mormonism, but with cookies, and multiple husbands instead of sister wives. It’s cookie lust, I swear. They know what her dress is made of, know she’s into bu-cake-ee, and want to party. Pervs! 







As the judges are busy trying to convince Cookie Doolittle to marry them, Hobo Higgins has been sneaking up under the jelly roll to escape the guards. Which, if they hadn’t been so desperate for a queen, would know that he’s the one who was pulling her in the parade. The guards smack him on the head, as he emerges, turning his hat into a crown. The jelly roll breaks, looking like a royal cloak. You see where this is going. Cookie Doolittle speaks up and tells them not to crown the King that way. They all immediately start cheering for their King, cause they’re raging hypocrites. The citizens of Cookie Town start partying in the streets. There’s a candle shining though colored lollipops. Donuts dunking themselves in coffee. They’re kinky like that. Miss Jello is shaking like it’s nobodies business. Or it’s the palsy. Hobo Higgins and Cookie Doolittle share a smooch. Realize they can be seen, and put up a clear lollipop to shield them. Their next kiss melts it. Dirty cookies. 


You’re welcome to watch it for yourselves, so you know I’m not making any of it up. The one question left unanswered, is that if Hobo Higgins has such great makeover skills, why does he wander around like a bum? Be a pageant consultant. The year he lost, was to some Lady Fingers the judges liked. You can’t beat that. Yes, I went there. Until next time, stay geeky, and keep gabbing! 


Looney Legacy – Wearing of the Grin


By Joshie Jaxon 

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, geek fans! This a joyous post. Not just because it gives me an excuse to watch my Looney Tunes DVDs, but today marks the one year anniversary of Gay Geek Gab! I know! Can you believe it? A year already, and the FCC hasn’t shut us down. Either I’m not pushing the envelope far enough, or society has jaded to the point that I’m no longer the radical I think I am. Perhaps some more extreme language will get some attention. Fuck yeah! No? Sigh. Fine, I’ll stay the lovable, dirty in the best way, blogger that you’ve come to know and love. I would like to thank Bevianna and Bri Bones for all their work behind the scenes. I said crushed ice, you incompetent- oh, yeah, the speech typer-thing was still going. Damn. Where’s the delete key? No, not for the whole site. Ingrates! I’ll deal with you later. Where was I? Oh yes, I was about to start my St. Patrick’s Day post with another entry into our currently lacking, but not for long, Looney Legacy. Halloween was all about Bugs vs Dracula, with Bugs being the obvious winner. St. Patrick’s Day we’ll focus on Porky Pig, and his encounter with some leprechauns. Let the geeks begin!


In mother Ireland, yes, your Joshie is Irish, Porky is traveling. Why do I always pick the ones where the character is traveling? Oh well. There’s a sign that reads “Sure, and it’s still 12 miles to Dublin Town”. Which isn’t funny unless you read it in the intended accent. Porky says he’ll never make it in this storm. Um, you’re carrying baggage, for who knows how long, and the last 12 miles is where you draw the line? Sure, pig. He thinks maybe he could stay at the nearby, but not really, cause it’s on a mountain, why a fat pig would choose an inclined plane rather than flat road is beyond me, wow this is a long sentence, castle that’s nearby. Cause that worked out so well for Brad and Janet. Castles don’t have phones, bacon bits. Kidding, he doesn’t want a phone, he’s just hoping for lodging. On the way up to the castle, there’s another sign, this one reads, “Beware the leprechauns”. Luau scoffs at the very idea of leprechauns, and continues up to the castle, blasting his ham hocks with every step. Hey, he doesn’t wear pants for a reason. He doesn’t do stairs for his ass not to be seen. Anyhow, he reaches the castle and uses the shamrock shaped knocker. Since no one answered, naturally, he lets himself in, concluding they must be asleep. It’s not breaking, but you just entered, Pork Chop. 


In the darkness we see a silhouette, before a match is lit, and a ginger man, glad in green, including hat, with a pipe, lights a match, and candle. He says sure and his name is Seamus O’Toole, caretaker of old Clarey castle he is. Moo Shu Pork says he’d like a room for the night. Seamus asks if he’s daft, saying the only living things there are the leprechauns. Pork Pie breaks the fourth wall, gesturing at Seamus and saying “leprechauns”. He then orders Seamus to take his bags to a room, calling him a picturesque peasant caretaker of the old sod. Um, Pork Ribs, you just entered his place, without permission, and are now demanding to stay there? I don’t recall you offering to pay. Must’ve left your wallet in your other pants, eh? He slams the door closed, and a spiked mace falls on his head. It he weren’t a toon, he’d be dead. Unintentional rhyme. Seamus separates at the waist, and runs over to check on the unconscious pig. Meanwhile, arms pop out of his pants, and an identical person, but with black hair, comes running over to join him. Black hair, O’Mike, says he’s a fat one. Ginger, O’Pat, calls him a bundle of suet. Fun Tidbit #1, suet is the hard fat around beef/mutton loins and kidneys. O’Mike says they need to hide the pot of gold, and lifts his hat revealing it, before running around like a loon. O’Pat asks him to stop, wait, whoa, and wait a minute before shouting at his running friend, who has the sense to look embarrassed by his actions. Ginger says he’s the chief of the leprechauns, and he alone will decide what to do with the intruder. The two merge back by getting on top of each other, and go help Pork Rinds to his feet, stating they’ll get him to a nice soft bed. O’Mike passes the bags up to O’Pat, and they follow Pork & Beans up the stairs. 



At said stairs, ginger uses the railing while blacky takes the stairs proper. They go their separate ways at the top, with the legs staying with Porky. When he gets to the room, he tells Seamus to put the bags down anywhere. He then passes his coat and hat to O’Mike, who hasn’t emerged from the lower torso. I’d call Porky stupid, but he did just suffer a blow to the head. On his way to bed, O’Mike stops in front of him, asking if he’s seen his lower half about. Porky points behind him, and comments how some people can’t keep track of their lower halves. It dawn on him what he said, and what he’s seen, and he turns to see both halves of Seamus. Isn’t this sight enough to set the heart crossways in you? Don’t worry, google doesn’t know what it means either. Porky exclaims “leprechauns!” while hiding under the covers on the bed. Big mistake. The bed tilts back into the wall, and sends Porky down a tunnel, dropping him in a chair. O’Mike enters, carrying a shillelagh, and says leprechaun court of O’Shaughnasee township, county of Rourke O’Hoolihan is now in session. Fun Tidbit #2, the writers clearly went for the most irish sounding things they could think of, cause having leprechauns alone, and being outside Dublin, wasn’t enough to convey a location and it’s people. Fun Tidbit #3, I’m really not that PC, I just find it amusing. It’s the little people vs Porky Pig, whose name they shouldn’t know, cause he never gave it, for attempting to steal the pot of gold, which is sitting on a table as exhibit A. Porky tries to object, and is called a blatherskite, and told to be silent. Fun Tidbit #4 Blatherskite needs to come back into main stream language. I remember it from Gizmo Duck on DuckTales, but after looking it up, I wanna use it more. O’Pat is the presiding judge. He takes one look at Porky and says he’s guilty as the day is long. Porky protests, demanding a fair trial. Um, you aren’t in America, boyo, this is leprechaun justice! I sentence you to the wearing of the green shoes! No, seriously. That’s his punishment. Green shoes, that clash with his, pants? Never mind. 


Once he’s in the green shoes, Porky says the nicest shoes ever. That is, of course, until they turn him into an Irish stepdancer against his will. As he dances his way out of the courtroom, the leprechauns laugh. We see Porky dancing in front of a giant pot of gold. Coins erupt from it, and have O’Pat and O’Mike’s laughing faces on them. Porky dances further away, and tries to pull the shoes off, which he does, throwing them past a shamrock plant. Magic isn’t undone that easily, little piggy. The shoes chase him down, trying to get back on his feet. As he flees, he goes through a field of pipes. Not Mario pipes, smoking pipes. I’m surprised there wasn’t a field of beer. Fun Tidbit #5, not all Irish people smoke and/or drink. Just sayin’. Porky runs up some stairs, and passes between two harps. Final Fun Tidbit, ’tis the harp, and not the shamrock, that is the actual symbol of Ireland. Anyhow, Porky jumps, and the shoes jump after him. Being a toon, Porky runs vertically on air to escape, falls in a pipe, and comes out the other end as smoke, before re-forming. He grabs a giant harp, and it shrinks to fit his wrists like handcuffs. Emerald Isle, bitch! The shoes kick him in his shapely ass, and he lands in them, only to begin dancing once more. In fact, it dances him right off another cliff, and into a golden liquid in a pot. Now, I’m sure they were going for liquid gold, not golden showers, but you never know with Warner Bros. We fade to Porky flopping about at the castle entrance in a puddle. Don’t worry, O’Pat and O’Mike weren’t taking turns, it’s water. He’s holding a bucket and everything. Perfectly innocent. Porky wakes up, screams, and launches himself above the door, saying he doesn’t want the pot of gold. Seamus hasn’t a clue. Porky says he sentenced him to wear the green shoes. Seamus asks why he’d do such a daft thing. He offers Porky rest in a soft bad. Porky says he must be going. He’s late for an appointment, with his psychiatrist. Porky takes off like a shot, as O’Pat and O’Mike shake hands. Credits! 


There you have it, lads n lassies, our 1 year anniversary commemorative post. Thank you to everyone that’s been with us since the beginning, and those who’ve joined along the way. We don’t just do this for ourselves, we do it for you. Until next time, stay geeky, and keep gabbing! 

Marvel Civil War – Part 1


By Joshie Jaxon 

Greetings, geek fans! With the new Captain America Civil War trailer released, I’m more excited than ever for this movie to come out. In the interim, I decided to dive back into my graphic novels, and re-read the comic arc that the upcoming movie is based on. Like any movie based on a book, even a comic book, there will be changes and omissions from the original story. You can do anything on paper, but the reality of funding and casting the full story in the MCU would need a few billion dollars, and two parts, just to do it justice. Those who are only familiar with the MCU, are in for a treat, as this is one of the richest, and most thought-provoking stories Marvel has done. Let the geeks begin! 


As I’ve stated before, most of my comic experience is in the Spider-Man and X-Men area. I only dabbled in the rest of the comic universe during various crossover events like Maximum Carnage, Onslaught, House of M, etc. So, I may not know all of the details of the heroes as a whole, but I know bits and pieces. I say this, because I may comment on something without backstory, and I don’t want to be read for it. Anyhow, in the road to the civil war, several events take place. Anthony “Tony” Stark travels to Washington D.C. with Peter Parker to discuss the legislation of the superhuman registration act. While there, the Titanium Man attacks after a meeting that was so secret, no one else was even supposed to know about it. Peter battles the Titanium Man in his Iron Spider outfit, which some people hated, but I actually enjoyed. Titanium Man gets away, and as Tony appears before the hearing committee again, Spider-Man shows footage of the fight, and tells them that if heroes identities were known, their families would be in danger from such attacks as well. The only way the government will allow his testimony is if he takes off the mask, and swears it under oath. Having Aunt May and Mary Jane to think about, he declines. Tony later thanks Peter for his effort, and Peter questions how Titanium Man even knew about the meeting. He doesn’t quite call Tony on setting things up to go his way, but it’s heavily implied. Later, we the audience see Iron Man paying Titanium Man for his services. Peter, exhausted, falls asleep watching tv as there’s news about an incident in Connecticut, leading to… 


Civil War, Issue 1

I’ve often said that reality tv will be the death of us as a people. This is no exception. In Stamford Connecticut, the New Warriors are busy filming their reality show. They’ve found Cobalt Man, Coldheart, Speedfreak, and Nitro. As Speedball gets the intel, Microbe says they’re out of their league. Speedball says it’ll be their biggest ratings for season two. Sadly, before they can take action, Coldheart sees them, and goes to warn the other villains that it’s a raid. The New Warriors attack, and Speedball cracks a few jokes since they’re still being filmed. Coldheart recognizes them from their show, not their unfilmed heroic deeds, and talks a little trash. Night Thrasher takes objection to being called a bondage queen, and asks for an edit. Meanwhile, Nitro is getting away. Namorita isn’t worried, and takes off after him. She slams Nitro into a bus, and tells him not to bother with explosions, as she’ll just hit him harder. He tells her that they aren’t the losers she’s used to, and that they’re playing with the big boys. Nitro then explodes, taking out more than a block, including a school full of children. Damn!


Next scene, Captain America, Iron Man, Falcon, the Fantastic Four, X-Men, Ms. Marvel and more are helping with the clean up, and body recovery. Cap is clearly upset that so many children were killed. Tony says the whole country saw the tape of Speedball saying it was all for ratings. Meanwhile, Marvel Girl, Rachel Summers, is using her telekinetic powers to lift ruble off some of the survivors. Goliath says they won’t just be after mutants now. After the Hulk trashed Vegas, and Wolverine threatened to kill the president, this will be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. On CNN She-Hulk says banning heroes while there are thousands of super villains in the world is impossible. She doesn’t see issue with them being trained and carrying badges though. 

At the Stamford memorial, a grieving mother gets Tony’s attention, only to spit in his face. He tells her he had nothing to do with what happened. She calls him on his shit, saying he’s the one who funds the Avengers with his blood money, and encourages people with powers to be vigilantes. Her Damien’s blood is on Tony’s hands. In the crowd, J Jonah Jamison is making sure Peter is getting pictures of this. Another CNN report says that their powers can be like nuclear weapons, and asks if they should be tested before being allowed to work in people’s communities. 


New York City club scene. The Human Torch is apologizing to his date for being late, swearing that he was saving orphans from a burning building. Sure, Johnny. Now try to sell her the Brooklyn Bridge. Mr. Storm cuts to the front of the line and is told Paris and Lindsey are already inside. The crowd gets mad, since as “normies” they have to wait. Johnny says next time they stop Galactus, he’ll let them use his club pass. Someone asks about the next time he kills kids. Another says he shouldn’t be strutting around, he should be hiding in shame. Johnny says he has nothing to do with Speedball or the New Warriors, and calls them C-List, tops. Someone calls him a baby killer, and a bottle gets smashed on poor Johnny’s head. The crowd holds him down, and beats on him. That’ll teach him to cut in line. 

A news report states the Human Torch is just another of a series of attacks on the New York super hero community. In the Baxter Building of the Fantastic Four, Avengers young and old, the FF, some X-Men and others are wondering what will happen next. Dr. Strange asks if he’ll be forced to be a federal employee, or risk a warrant for his arrest. Dr. Richards says that Strange is one they’re hoping to seek compromise with. Wasp wonders if they’ll be turned into civil servants, with vacation and pensions. Iron Man asks them why they shouldn’t be held accountable to the public. Patriot of the Young Avengers wonders if they should go on strike. That’s cute, sweetie, but grown-ups are talking. Iron Man says that Stamford was a wake up call, and that being public employees makes sense if it will help people sleep. Falcon says he doesn’t want to be turned into a super cop. Yellow Jacket says he’s surprised heroes have been tolerated this long. Spider-Man says that if everyone is forced to work for Uncle Sam, some of them may just hang up their tights. Sue Storm states they’ve always been public, and never had a problem. Daredevil says this is the end of they way they’ve done business, he can smell it in the air. 


SHIELD Hellicarrier. Agent Hill tells Captain America that right now twenty-three of his friends are meeting to discuss how super people will respond to the president’s solution. Cap doesn’t want to judge. Hill says they’ll never be close like he and Fury, but he needs to respect the badge. Cap thinks the plan with split them down the middle, and put them at war with each other. An agent questions why heroes wouldn’t want to be trained and paid. Another asks how many rebels there would be. Hill asks if it’s anyone major. Cap replies people like Daredevil and Luke Cage. Hill states that’s no one he can’t handle. The proposal goes to vote in two weeks, and could be law in a month. The Avengers need to be out there with Cap leading them. Cap refuses. He’s not going to arrest the very people who put their lives on the line for their country. Hill tells him to obey the will of the people. Cap says heroes need to stay above politics, or Washington telling them who the villains are. Hill says the villains are the ones in masks, refusing to obey the law. Several guns are cocked, and Cap realizes he’s surrounded. He says that masked heroes have been a part of the country for as long as anyone can remember. Hill replies that he needs to go legitimate. Cap orders them to put their weapons down. Hill says he isn’t in charge, she is, and orders the agents to try and tranq Cap. He uses a SHIELD agent as a, well, shield, and fights his way out. It’s very Winter Soldier movie scene. Hill orders all agents to stop him. Cap busts out a window, lands on an incoming jet, and uses it to escape. 


Back at the Baxter Building, Spider-Woman asks who the big bald guy is. Dr. Strange says that he’s the Watcher, not like Giles was a watcher, but he’s the sort that comes to record moments of great change and upheaval. Him being there doesn’t bode well. 

Outside the White House, a crowd has gathered with “guns are licensed, why not powers” and “justice for Damien” signs. Um, Damien isn’t the only kid who died, but let’s just focus on him. Sure, we’ll go with that. No one’a pain matters but yours. Also, you can’t license a natural ability, or one you got by accident. There’s no way to stop something that you have no way of giving up, or giving away. You aren’t on a three day waiting list to pick up your super powers because of the Damien bill. Stupid, ignorant, masses jealous of what they can’t have for themselves. Inside the White House, we hear the story of Cap taking the pilot out for a burger after they landed. The president says with Cap going underground, anyone who disagrees with the registration act now has a figurehead. Stark says to continue as planned, and leave Captain America to them. 


There you have it, ladies and gents, the opening issue of the Marvel Civil War. To borrow their promotional phrase, Whose side are you on? I know where I stand, but I want to know your thoughts. Until next time, stay geeky, and keep gabbing! 

Handheld Hits – Yo-Kai Watch


By Joshie Jaxon 

Greetings, geek fans! I love handheld games. Anything you can hold in your hands and play with, bringing hours of enjoyment is for me. That sounds dirty. It was meant to. I’m here with our next Handheld Hits entry, Yo-Kai Watch. I’d been seeing this one on recent trips to Game Stop, but had no idea what it was about. A friend and fellow gaymer had it, and showed me a bit of how it worked. From there, I went to YouTube, and learned more about this interesting franchise. Now to pass those savings on to you! Let the geeks begin! 


First things first, this game has been out in Japan for years, but we’re just getting it here in the states. Why is beyond me, unless they were waiting for the anime to get dubbed, so they had something to help market it to kids. Kids don’t need a lot of marketing. Give them something bright, colorful, and fun, they’ll invest every dime of their allowance into it. Or don’t. Give them an empty box, or a bit of wrapping paper and they’ll be entertained. Wait, I’m thinking cats. Eh, the same can apply for some kids. Just look at those silly band things that were all the rage. Anyhow, before going out to drop money on this game, I watched the opening, and the first ten minutes of gameplay, thanks to Gamexplain. A related link was the first episode of the anime, in English, which I also watched. 


In the game, you start off in the playground, talking about your bug collecting project, which of course you haven’t started. Your friends taunt you into showing it off later, Giggity, and slacker that you are, you decide to go catch some bugs right now. I swear they did this plot in Calvin & Hobbes. You can’t find any decent bugs in the city, so you head towards the woods, cause that’s where the bugs live. There’s a fence blocking off a forbidden area, but then some purple fog causes it to disappear. Now, even though your character saw the gate before it disappeared, peer pressure to look cool, causes him to go up the forbidden path, and possibly put his life in danger. There’s a giant tree with spirit tags on it, with an rather old looking gasha machine in front of it. You hear a voice saying feed me, and rather than running like hell, cause you’ve seen Little Shop of Horrors and know this won’t end well, you put a coin in the machine, turn the crank, and collect your prize; a bloated, sperm-looking, ghost named Whisper. He tells you that he is a Yo-Kai. Rather than being impressed, you wanna go catch more bugs. Whisper gives you a rather modern looking watch, and tells you it will help you see other Yo-Kai, who are all over in the human world. You identify one nearby, battle, and end up making friends with it. Is this starting to sound familiar? 


What do you mean no? Come on; Companion monster thing, battles for you, is able to talk and say it’s name, trying to make friends… That’s right, Yo-Kai Watch is a blatant copy of Digimon. What? You think I’m missing the obvious here, don’t you? C’mon, Digimon was supposed to be the next Pokemon, so why can’t Yo-Kai watch be the next Digimon? Fine, it’s similar to Pokemon. Only instead of Pikachu, you have Whisper, and no one can see him but you. Kinda like less creepy version of Ryuk. Anyhow, your first real quest is to recruit a few more friends. You can have 6 Max. It’s like they’re not even trying to hide it. You wander around town, using your watch to help you locate the Yo-Kai all over. While you travel your hometown, you’ll encounter a lot of Cadin, Dimmy, Coughkoff, Buhu, Negatibuzz, and Dulluma. Similar to early portions of Red/Silver/Ruby/Diamond/Black/Y, and the never ending supply of Rattata, Sentret, Zigzagoon, Bidoof, Patrat, and Bunnelby, you’ll get more than a little sick of seeing the same monsters over and over again. Such is the nature of early level gaming. 


Instead of types, there are several classifications for the Yo-Kai. Brave, mysterious, tough, charming, heartful, shady, eerie, and slippery. They don’t seem to have an advantage over one another, at least that I can tell, but can effect how you might catch them. Now, on to the battle mechanic. Your Poke- er, Yo-Kai will battle on their own. You don’t have to do anything. It’s idiot proof. I really don’t like that aspect of it, but considering nearly every battle is a three on three, I guess it’s a time saver. That isn’t to say you don’t have options. You can use items to try and recruit the enemy to your side after the battle. You can target a specific enemy, or purify one of your creatures if they got inspirited. The option you’ll use most often is Soultimate. Get it? It’s an ultimate move, but you’re a ghost. Hey! Someone worked hard on these jokes. People were fired for not doing better than that. Laugh it up. 


As you progress though the game’s first quests, you meet a kitty spirit that spends it’s time attacking trucks. Why? Well, before he became a Yo-Kai, he was a little girl’s pet. He was crossing the street, and was hit by a truck. His owner, rather than being grief-stricken, scoffs at him for being stupid enough to get hit. Yes, seriously. This is a game for children, and there’s a girl that had no right having a cat in the first place. I hate her so much. Anyhow, he’s been spending his time trying to get strong enough to take down trucks, so he can be worthy of his neglectful bitch. Poor spirit kitty. I’ll befriend you! 

  Too soon, man. Too soon.

There are several side quests you can participate in to get extra items or experience. There’s the possibility of evolving or fusing your Yo-Kai as well, but I’m not that far in yet. Initial impressions are that it’s a good game, and I can see the potential. I’m trying to overlook the similarities to Pokemon, especially as they aren’t trying to keep them in balls, go to gyms, or save the world from Team Rocket. It’s worth the cost of admission, and considering there’s anime you can watch online as well, it’ll help flesh out the world a bit. I’ll post again, or update as new things happen. Until next time, stay geeky and keep gabbing! 


Handheld Hits – Final Fantasy Explorers, Part 1


By Joshie Jaxon 

Greetings, geek fans! It occurred to me that with all the post categories we have, we didn’t have one dedicated to handheld gaming. From the original Gameboy to the PSP and 3DS, there is a rich vein of material to tap. Granted, I haven’t been heavy on gaming posts so far, which is something I’m hoping to change. Although they don’t offer nearly the inappropriate humor that old cartoons do. I haven’t been too involved in my consoles, but I’ve been able to carve out time for handhelds during these busy times in Joshie world. With that being said, I decided to start with a more recent game, rather than our usual retro style posts. However, as you can tell from the title, I decided to start with a series that has a great history, rather than some new series. Let the geeks begin! 

First order of business, you’ve gotta create your avatar. Name, gender, and skin tone are a given. You get to select your voice as well. Though it isn’t as though there’s a lot of dialogue for your character to speak. It’s more Link level shouting, grunts, etc. Then there are several facial options. Stop it! As well as selecting your eye color. You also get to choose your hairstyle, and color. I went with pink eyes and purple hair, cause that’s just how I roll. 


The game starts with your character in a cave, with a giant eidolon behind you. You’re prompted to run, as that is Bahamut, and you’re nowhere near ready to fight him yet. After escape you’re brought to the hub town of Libertas. The NPCs establish that you’re a freelance warrior, and in order to get a license, you have a complete a few tasks first. There’s a character named Cid, this is a Final Fantasy game after all. He tells you to talk to the woman in charge of quests, which starts you off on the tutorial quests that will give you the basics of the battle mechanic of the game. You can just slash your way through most of them, but as you continue, you’re able to forge abilities, techniques, and magics. Sub-Quest will open up as well, allowing you to earn extra rewards for meeting the conditions. Main quests are handled one at a time, while you can have multiple subs going at once. Accepting quests in either category costs Gil, but you more than make up for it by the time the quest is completed.


In Libertas there’s a fortune teller, shop, and workshop. You’ll be able to spend your Gil on weapons, armor, upgrades, and items. There’s also an airship, but you aren’t allowed access to it until you’ve competed a quest to earn the right. A Final Fantasy game wouldn’t be complete without Moogles, and there’s a Moogle shop in town as well. There’s a migrant Moogle merchant that I just adore, since any excuse to use alliteration makes me mildly merry. The Moogle shop items change, and they warn you that if you see something you like, get it right away. So far I’ve only seen basic items. The fanciest thing I’ve seen him stock so far was a Phoenix down. I’m hoping the goods will improve as I progress further. Another of the town’s features is a monster lab. I just gained access to it, so I’m still learning. The gist is that on your quests, as you defeat monsters, you can obtain their essence. If you take that essence to the monster lab, they can create a friendly version of the monster that you can then take with you as a party member. So far, I’ve made two. 


I’m still struggling to get the plot of the game, as I’m used to the numbered entries like VII, VIII, and IX, where everything you do is to advance the plot. This seems more like monster hunting quests with a plot kind of woven into it. Granted, the crystal element isn’t exactly new to any Final Fantasy series. There are crystals throughout the world, and people appear to be fighting over them. There’s a main crystal in Libertas which is where you can spend your crystal points (CP) to create and improve your abilities. There’s a job system in place, but only a few of them are initially available. Currently, I’m a knight, as I like using swords, and slashing at the bad guys, er, monsters. There’s Streetpass enabled for FF EX, which allows you to exchange your license with the people you pass. It shows your current stats, as well as your role you play, as far as Damager, Tank, Healer… There’s another quest counter where you can get/give quests for Streetpass people to help with. I have yet to pass anyone with the game yet. 


I know there are 12 Eidolons and 11 classic Final Fantasy characters that will eventually come into play. I’m only a few hours in, so I haven’t encountered them. I’ll need to either write a new post as I get further in, or I’ll update this one. I haven’t decided yet. Until next time, stay geeky, and keep gabbing! 

**Update – Part 2 in now available