Monthly Archives: January 2016

Wolverine and the X-Men – Hindsight, Part 1

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By Joshie Jaxon 

Greetings, geek fans! Time for the third of my X-Men themed posts. Now, I know the next two series aren’t exactly old enough to be considered retro, but they’re just so fun that I can’t ignore them. Also, I promised four posts, and you’re gonna get four posts. I’m a giver like that, so just lie back and take what I’m about to give ya. If you’re having difficulties getting through it, or find yourself ready to end before my post does, just think of England. Let the geeks begin! 

  

Unlike the last two series, the opening credits don’t have the Mouseketeer role call during them. Yes, we get to see the characters, but it’s a more tonal piece, than a here’s their name kinda thing. We can see from the state of the credits, that the MRD is rounding up mutants, one of which is Marrow, who I mentioned in my Evolution post. Then we see the various X-Men using their abilities against the mutant-hating humans. The series’ official cast is Wolverine, Cyclops, Angel, Emma Frost, Nightcrawler, Storm, Iceman, Shadowcat, and Beast. As we’re about to see, there are several others as well. Having seen the series I could explain why they’re not in the credits, but, spoilers. 

Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters, afternoon. Outside, children are playing and having fun, as Storm and the professor take a stroll. No hover chair in this version either. Wonder why the 90’s were so special. We cut inside to the Danger Room. Do you have your checklist? That’s three for three on DR sightings in the premier. However, no one is in there by accident, Kitty and Colossus appear to be training. She phases through a wall and leaves Peter stuck between it and another that’s closing in. As she comments that he’s being schooled by a girl, a metal tentacle snatches her up, and holds her high off the ground. Colossus laughs that school is out, as he escapes the wall trap. Then we see Nightcrawler teleport in, and away from some laser blasts. Kitty shouts for one of them to get her down. Kurt teleports up to her and suggests she phases. Kitty says she does want to fall on her face, and asks for help. Kurt says she an X-Man and to do it herself, as he teleports away. Have I mentioned I love Nightcrawler? Peter smashes a laser, and looks pleased, until a giant magnet captures him. He doesn’t revert to flesh in time to avoid being hoisted up. He says, hello kitty, and I giggle. Nightcrawler BAMFs in and says five more seconds and he wins. On cue, he gets splattered by some goo that sticks him to the ceiling, and gets in his hair, and no, it’s not white. Kitty asks what happened. Peter looks at the control room and says HE happened. Logan gets on the mic and tells them it was his way of saying goodbye. Goodbye? But the show is called Wolverine and the X-Men. We kinda need Wolverine. Kitty says he better run. Then realizes they’re still trapped. She shouts for him to get them down. Logan? LOGAN?! 

  

Logan steps out the front door, and makes a face. We see Scott and Jean arguing. He wants to know how many times he needs to say he’s sorry. Jean says Logan is the one he needs to apologize to. Scott says he knows. Jean blows Logan a kiss, and waves. He waves back, and heads over to his motorcycle. Beast is sitting under a tree, and states he didn’t want to miss Logan. Logan asks where Rogue is. Thanks for caring about Beast, jerk. Now he’s glad you’re going. Hank says for reasons beyond his understanding, Rogue doesn’t like the thought of him leaving. Angsty woman that she is, she’s at the edge of a cliff, staring out at the ocean. Logan asks if she’s gonna say goodbye. No. He says he’ll be back. She says why bother. Maybe she’ll just leave too. Logan says this place is her home. No, not when he’s not there, which is most of the time. I miss 90’s southern sexpot Rogue. This one says Logan is like her family, since they’re the same. She runs off, and Wolverine lowers his head. She’ll get over it, Logan. Maybe she’ll absorb someone with a spine some day. Back at the front of the mansion, Storm and the professor are still watching the kids play, as Logan approaches. The professor gets a look on his face, then grabs his head. As Logan rushes over, the professor looks over at Jean, who is also experiencing something. Scott asks what’s wrong. Cut to Logan running, a blinding flash, and then nothing. 

  

One year later, Wolverine wakes up from a nap, having presumably been dreaming about the events of that day. A convoy of RVs, wait, is convoy the right word for that? I say it is. A convoy of RVs goes by, and a little girl waves at Logan. He waves back, then gets on his bike. The RVs went left at the crossroad, so to avoid family fun time, Logan goes right. There’s an explosion in the direction of the RVs. Logan watches in the mirror. Pan to the flaming wreckage. A non-Jean redhead is being removed from the destruction. Her African-American husband is walked out as well. Erica? Where’s Erica? She’s still inside! Cause of course she is. Fire extinguishers aren’t putting out the blaze. What the hell happened? Gas tankard on a train, perhaps? There’s an explosion, and the dad yells his daughter’s name. Logan pulls up, and throws off his helmet, rushing towards the fiery RV. One of the workers says it’s too dangerous. Wolverine shoves him aside, and said not for him, as he pops out the claws. The yuppies with the sweaters around their shoulders watch on. Logan cuts an opening in the RV, and finds Erica under some debris, holding her teddy bear. From the yuppie standpoint, there’s an explosion. Non-Jean redhead falls to her knees and sobs. Cut to however long later, as she and her husband sit under a blanket crying. Workers move a large sheet of metal, and find the mutant. There’s a girls arm sticking out as well. The parents are elated that she’s ok. They discover Wolverine is alive. The dad says to spread a blanket so they can move him. Um, I’m no EMT, but as a general rule, don’t you generally try to avoid moving injured people? The dad and his friend pick up and move Logan. A man whose bones are covered with the strongest metal on Earth, and would presumably be pretty heavy. Nah, they got this. The dad, Randy, thanks him for saving his little girl. White yuppie, Carl, says he’s the MRD’s problem now. Randy can’t believe he turned him in. He’s got razors in his hands. Sound argument. Randy says they won’t find him there. They secure Logan’s bike to their RV, and drive off. White yuppie Carl does not look pleased. 

  

In the RV, non-Jean redhead notices that Logan is already healing. Erica tells him to please wake up. Logan opens his eyes, and we get a POV of Erica’s fuzzy face. Logan remembers the other black girl he knows, and flashes back to Storm and the professor just before the blinding flash. This time we see some of the aftermath. Kids carrying each other. Scott shouting for Jean. Storm, with clothes, but not shoes, intact, kneeling over a crater that has Xavier’s wheelchair in it. Logan wakes up in a house, and pops his claws right near Erica’s face. It sounds dirtier than it is. She says he’s safe. He asks where he is. She says they’re at her house, as she gives him a glass of water. Erica comments on Logan healing so fast, and says her dad suggested he’d want to avoid the hospital. Smart move. Non-Jean redhead gets a call from Mrs. Kravitz, ok not really, but she tells her neighbor it isn’t her business who stays at their house. Wolverine sighs, as he hears the choppers and sirens. He opens his bag, and we see his Wolverine outfit. Category is, super hero eleganza. Meanwhile, the MRD busts down the door, and storms up the stairs. The only thing they find is an open window. Outside, attention grabbing, fear mongering, white yuppie Carl is repeating that he’s got razors in his hands. The MRD asks the family where he is. Where who is? The MRD isn’t playing, and places them under arrest for harboring a fugitive mutant. From the rooftop, in full Wolvie glory, the claws come out, and two “officers” go down. I put them in quotes cause I don’t know if they’re government sanctioned in this universe or not. The chief MRD gets the family into the helicopter, cause after all, the suburbs don’t have a local mutant jail cell, and says they can deal with Wolverine. Um, if they are fighting the guy they’re after, why still punish the family that has no evidence but a yuppie’s word that he was harbored there? Stupid small-dicked, power hungry, supremacists. White isn’t right, you know. They must be mad cause it’s a mixed race family. Here I thought mutants were the only enemy. Oh well, one day they’ll evolve. Oh wait, they have. Homo superior will see them gone some day. Until then, flex your power, and fight your extinction, boys. They try to net and gas Wolverine, who gets free and asks who wants some. Able to recognize the danger of a confrontation, they order a retreat. Wolverine tries to jump to the copter, misses, but throws something at the propellor to make it crash. Right on serves you right white yuppie Carl’s car. Justice! 

  

At the MRD facility, a group of them walk past cells containing Wolfsbane, Abomination, and Boom Boom, before stopping at the family’s cell. They ask about the mutant. Erica says they don’t know what he’s talking about. He says his name is Wolverine, and he’s dangerous. Erica says he isn’t, the man steps into the light and we see three scars across his face, and he angrily says, yes he is! 

At the ruins of Xavier’s school, Logan pulls up on his bike, why things are still in ruin after a year is beyond me. Maybe without Xavier around signing checks, no one bothered to clean it up. At any rate, Logan walks the grounds, until he picks up a scent, he lifts a giant slab, revealing a passageway. He pops the claws, and jumps down, using them to slow his decent. We see Beast at a microscope, taking notes. As he goes back to look, Logan takes his pad and asks what he’s working on. Beast gets startled, and asks if he always has to make an entrance. Logan tells him to learn to relax. Beast says with Jean and Charles unaccounted for, he can’t think of anything else. Beast says the explosion was centered on Charles’ position, so he was the likely target. Logan asks the cause. Hank says it defies classification. There was no combustion, chemical reaction, radiation, or electro magnetism. It rules out the MRD, and probably Magneto too. Hank wants to know why Logan stopped by. Logan says the Marties are out of control, and snatched a family just for helping him. He has to make it right. Beast declines, and suggests Logan try the others. Logan doesn’t know where anyone else is. He asks Hank again, and gets a yes, since Logan generally doesn’t ask for help. 

  

In the city, we see a billboard that reads, “a personal invitation to all mutants, to live in peace, paradise, prosperity; Genosha.” Apparently in this world, Magneto doesn’t need asteroid M, he’s got prime real estate here on Earth. Nice to see he’s moved up a bit in the world. It certainly beats lurking behind the scenes. Also, scorecard moment. Slight Magneto appearance, without being the focal point of the episode. 

  

In an MRD truck, one of them asks the other what’s wrong with the radar. The other responds it’s busted. It can pick up a mutant, but can’t tell if it’s two feet away or two miles. Wait, the humans have the ability to detect mutants? Why does Charles even have cerebro if the freaking human nazis have a device that can track their prey? That’s messed up. Hunt mutants the old fashioned way. Logan knocks out the Marties, and takes Hank as a prisoner to their facility. Don’t ask me where he left the unconscious humans, he didn’t care, and neither do I. Hank says the prisoner section smells. Logan says prisoners shouldn’t ride in the front. Beast thrashes in the back as Logan checks in at the gate. He says he’s hauling a big hairy beast, and to hurry up, so it doesn’t bust out. Inside the facility, Hank is struggling to get his shackles on, when the back is opened, and the Marties take aim at him. Beast assures them he’s a pacifist. Wolverine knocks them both out, then asks Hank if the cuffs chaffed. Hank swears he was trying to put them back on. Clearly Logan’s had a kinkier sex life than Hank has. He says, let’s go, Chewie. Hank is sent to find the prisoner area, while Logan takes care of the guards. Elsewhere, Randy is taken to an interrogation room. Scar face asks him about Wolverine. Randy says he’s a hero. Scar face says he’s in a sensory assault helmet, and asks again. Randy says he’s the one people should watch out for, not the mutants. Scar face pushes the button and Randy screams. Beast runs into a Martie and asks if it needs to be a fight. He’s forced to knock him out. In the control room, Hank hangs from the ceiling, and tells the guards there are two ways to handle it. Cut to them being kicked out of the room. Logan walks in and Hank says it was their choice. He didn’t say a word. Randy is returned to his cell, and non-Jean redhead says they’re animals. Scar face says maybe Erica knows something. Beast and Wolverine approach, and Beast asks easy way or hard way. Wolverine growls, and slashes at scar face’s gun. He throws him up against the wall, and says the great line, hard way it is. We know you like it hard, Logan. What, with your healing factor, you could probably take the biggest there is and not suffer any rectal trauma. Yes, I said it. Moving on. 

  

Wolverine tells scar face to leave the nice family alone, and pressed the button on the sensory assault chair that he’s in. Atta boy! The X-Duo free the family, and the captive mutants, and manage to steal a helicopter. As they take off, Logan asks if anyone can blow the hangar. Pyro tells Boom Boom to light it up. She produces three fireballs, and he sends them flying. Two jets take off. Fireballs aren’t stopping those. There’s a mutant named Dust, who turns to, well, dust, and goes after the jets, clogging their engines. Dust gets back on the mighty mutant Martie copter, as Wolverine stares down at an enraged, yet free, scar face. This ain’t over. 

  

At a remote cabin, Logan is telling Randy and family that in a few weeks the Marties will lose interest in them. Erica tells him not to leave. He has to. It’s time he went home. Back at the ruined mansion sub-basement, Logan is looking for Hank, who surprises him. Logan says to say something when sneaking up on a guy. Um, doesn’t Wolverine have super sensitive hearing, and sense of smell? He could smell Hank underground earlier. Shouldn’t have have “seen” Hank coming a mile away? Whatever, it was for comedy. Logan’s asks where the other mutants are. Hank says they went their own way, though the cells they freed, will be full again tomorrow. Logan says a war is coming. Hank agrees. What’s next? We bring back the X-Men. Credits
  

Let’s recap. Prof. X, Logan, Scott, Jean, Storm, Rogue, Magneto cameo, and Danger Room. Check! Beast is in Evolution, but isn’t a regular until later on, still counts though. Keep your scorecards ready for the next post. We’ll be able to see what staples there are between all the X-Series. Until next time, stay geeky, and keep gabbing! 

  

X-Men: Evolution – Strategy X

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By Joshie Jaxon 

Greetings, geek fans! I’m here to bring you the second of our X-Men animated series reviews. This one is on X-Men: Evolution. A lot of hardcore fans didn’t like this series, while others did. I think it’s because of the high school element. People didn’t want to see their characters as whiny teens. Personally, I enjoy any chance to see my main Marvel mutants in action. Plus, we can now begin comparisons between this series and the prior one. I’ll be doing that with each new entry. Maybe at the end I will post a battle royale and leave it for the fans to decide. Let the geeks begin! 

Even though there’s an opening scene before the credits, I’m gonna comment on them first to avoid distraction from the plot. Like X-Men ’92, we get an intro to each character, although not all of them are in this episode. Oops, Spoilers. Anyhow, we’ve naturally got Cyclops, then Jean Grey, who once again doesn’t get any kind of code name. I’m guessing her identity isn’t as important to protect as the others. Next up, Spyke. Side note, someone recently commented on the Deadpool trailer that Spyke is traditionally male. To that person I say, there is a female character in the Marvel Universe that has bones growing all over and can use them as weapons. Her name is Sarah, aka Marrow. Do your research before you upset the community as a whole. Where was I? Oh yes, Wolverine, of course. Followed by Storm, Rogue, Shadowcat, and my main man, Nightcrawler. Any series featuring Nightcrawler automatically ranks high for me. After Spider-Man’s metabolism and agility, and Wolverine’s healing factor, teleporting is the power I’d want most. I get sidetracked easily. You know this by now. On with the show. 

  
We open with cheerleaders and a football game. Something so many of us comic fans can relate to. They’re just pandering to the straight fans. It’ll get good real soon. The lead sports guy, Duncan, gets slammed into by other guys and everyone cheers. It’s like the Roman Coliseum, but in Ancient Greece. That wouldn’t make for kid-friendly tv. Back on topic. Jean takes his picture, but it isn’t for the yearbook, it’s for her private collection. Ugh, why to straight people have to flaunt their lifestyle like that. There are impressionable kids watching that may try experimenting with heterosexuality because they saw it on tv. America is doomed, and we’re only forty-five seconds in. In the stands, Scott is fumbling a quarter though his fingers. I’m gonna peak in high school and end up a gas jockey for life, Duncan, sees “Toady” Tolansky picking pockets, and rather than telling the security guy that’s right there, he and his cronies decide to handle it. Since Bayville is currently winning, their coach excuses them. I wonder what the coach thinks they’re going off to do. Quick circle jerk in the locker room? Is it a circle if it’s only three people? Triangle jerk just sounds weird. I’ll ponder on this. Scott drops his quarter, but sees Toad picking pockets from underneath the bleachers. His friend, who isn’t named, asks if they should call the cops. Nark. Scott says he’ll keep that option open. Duncan and his goons threaten to crush Toad. Scott tells them not to, suggesting Toad can just give back the cash. Duncan asks why he cares. Scott’s not crazy about three on one. Clearly he’s never been to Babylon on fetish night. They throw Toad into the mud. Scott intervenes, and Toad literally hops away. Duncan falls in the mud, and in his cro magnon rage goes after Scott. Jean shows up, and despite being able to read minds to know what’s up, shouts at Scott not to fight, which gets him punched in the face. His glasses fall off, and the eye beams come out, hitting a nearby propane tank, and causing an explosion. 

  
Firemen, police, and Professor X show up. Under the bleachers, Jean says “it’s too hot to touch, at least with my hands”. I swear there’s an adult film that starts with that exact same line. Jean finds Scott’s surprisingly non-melted glasses under a burning piece of rubble, and gives them to Scott, who promptly puts them on his face. They’re both kinda stupid. Jean tells Scott to split, as we see a medic examining Duncan. Fortunately he has a concussion, and doesn’t remember what happened. As the cop looks around, and starts to announce what he thinks happened, the professor uses his powers to make him think there was a problem with the gas line. Let’s think this through, since Charles didn’t. A normal, human, police officer, who doesn’t know what a mutant is, isn’t going to leap to the conclusion that a student used his optic blast by mistake, and blew up the snark bar. Maybe if Charlie had checked the cop’s mind to see what he was thinking, he wouldn’t have needed to meddle at all. Jean asks Duncan if he’s ok. Duncan admits he has a skull like concrete. Scott watches with obvious longing. Toad approaches him, and thanks him for what he did. Being a teenager, Scott sulks off. Toad eats a fly out of the air. Bleh. The professor says things are under control, and tells his driver, Storm, they need to go. I’m sure there’s some racism in there somewhere. Sexism too. Anyhow, they go to the train station to pick up a cloaked boy named Kurt. 

  
Elsewhere, the next day, we see a motorcycle driving through a forested area. The driver stops at a mom n pop store, and sees a newspaper about the explosion. Pop asks if he’s gonna buy the paper. Logan says yes, and a cold water. Pop starts in about the unusually warm weather, and we hear a slice off camera. Wolverine downs his water and tells pop to recycle the glass. As he leaves, we see that Sabertooth is watching him. Furry stalker. 

At the X-mansion, Scott wants Jean to get out of the bathroom, but she’s busy primping. Whoa, mutants have problems just like the rest of us. This is so relatable. Scott threatens to blow the door down, and Jean opens it like he’s the tardy one. Before they can leave for school, the professor calls them to his office. He introduces them to Kurt. Scott offers him a handshake, but Kurt moves away. The professor tells him he’s among friends. Kurt removes his blue, three fingered, hand from his pocket, and shakes hands with Scott. Prof. X say he set up his school for gifted youngsters whose talents aren’t always an asset. Scott asks if he heard about the prior night. Not admitting he was there, the professor says it was on all the news channels. Scott says it was an accident. The professor says he’s lucky the true cause wasn’t discovered. Scott says he’s packing a bazooka behind each eyeball, and asks what he wants. Control, which is what he’s there to learn. The professor turns to Kurt, and explains Scott’s power. Jean asks Kurt if he has a special gift, implying beyond the blue appearance. Kurt teleports to the other side of the room, and says, maybe. 

  
At the school, Toad is waiting outside the principal’s office. She looks like the kind of fierce diva bitch that adult gay men love, as long as their bitchcraft isn’t directed at them. Principal Darkholm holds her nose as Toad walks by, and opens a window. It’ll be a running gag the rest of the episode. She asks about his new friend, Scott Summers. Toad says he’s cool, and he saved him from the jocks. The principal says he’s got powers, and there are others like him. She wants him to find out more. Toad doesn’t wanna be a rat. The principal’s hand changes to claws, and she yells at him to do as he’s told. 

  
Back at the X-Mansion, Kurt is marveling at the size of his enormous, er, room. He can’t believe how big it is, and that it’s all his. The professor says his parents sent him there to be happy. Storm sets a package on the bed. Out of context, this sounds like the start of some weird, interracial, cripple porn. Kurt says he can’t be happy looking like he does. He frightens people. The professor hands him a watch. When he puts it on, Kurt becomes an average white teenager. I’m guessing Charles went with white cause Kurt had already been harassed for being a different color, and didn’t wanna give him flashbacks. Kurt is happy to look normal. All five fingers flex on their own. After this episode, index and middle move together, as do ring and pinky. Storm says he was already normal as his natural self. Kurt is still overjoyed. They leave him to explore his new look in the mirror. We see Kurt open the box, and reveal his X-Men uniform. 

  
At school, Scott is getting ready for lunch when Toad approaches him, and leaps on top of the lockers. Toad snatches Scott’s glasses with his tongue, and says Scott should open his eyes. Scott says they both know what will happen if he does. So, does Scott shower after gym with the glasses on? If so, I find it very hard to believe that he’s never had an accident up until the previous night. High school kids are brutal and single out anything that isn’t their homogenized version of normal. Anyhow, Toad eats Scott’s lunch in one slurp, and says they should talk sometime. In the X-Mansion, the professor gets an alert that a mutant is using it’s powers openly. The phone rings, and the professor greets Scott before he can say hi. Scott says he’s creeped out by that, and Xavier apologizes. Scott tells him about Toad being like them, though he has the hygiene of a dead pig. The professor says he’ll see about letting Toad join them. Kurt enters the room, and sees Toad on the monitor. The professor explains about cerebro being able to identify mutants. Kurt asks if he’s one of them. The professor says maybe. He speaks telepathically to Storm, who is watering her plants with rainwater, to see if she’ll audition someone for him. 

  
That night, Toad, in his own uniform I might add, hops up to the mansion gate. He leaps it in one jump. Storm steps outside, summons some weather, and tries to zap toad with lightning. Luckily, she doesn’t ask what happens to a toad when it’s stuck by lightning. Let’s all pretend that horrible line was never spoken in the movie. Speaking of, with the exception of Spyke and Nightcrawler, this team is basically the team from the X-Men movie. Just throwing that out there. The wind blows a door open, and also blows Toad right into Nightcrawler. Toad asks if he’s a ratty plush toy. Kurt says he reeks like unwashed lederhosen. Ooh, German burn! Wait, that’s a historically bad thing. Never mind. Toad leaps at Nightcrawler, who teleports away. The two begin chasing and taunting each other through the mansion. Why do the kids always roughhouse when it rains? Storm enters, and Xavier says that Tolansky could be an X-Man. Storm says his heart blinds him. Nightcrawler and Toad continue their chase, knocking things off the walls, and breaking a bust. Xavier tells them the test if over, and Toad is welcome to join them if he wants. The only thing Toad wants is Nightcrawler’s head. I hear he’s the talk of the underground gloryhole scene in Düsseldorf. Toad latches on to Kurt, and in his panic as they fall, he teleports them into the Danger Room. 

  
Nightcrawler asks where they are. Toad says he should know, since he brought them there. The defense system activates, and the two begin to freak. The professor telepathically tells Scott and Jean that Kurt and Toad are in there. Scott says it’ll attack with everything it’s got. Um, why would that happen? If the control room isn’t even in the DR proper, what exactly could an intruder do just standing in there? Why would it need to try and essentially murder anyone that stumbled into it? Good luck mind wiping those memories away, Chuck. Toad screams, as he and Kurt try to dodge giant scissors, lightning, and laser blasts. I’m gonna assume that it’s able to detect that these were mutant intruders, cause if a regular human was in there, they’d be dead by now. Scott and Jean hit the scene. Scott takes out the cannons, while Jean saves Kurt. He calls her and angel. She asks if he’s a demon. Toad nearly gets crushed, but Scott saves him. Meanwhile, Storm and Xavier hit the control room, and he uses a voice code to disable security. That’s great and all, but in a world where Mystique exists, a voiceprint isn’t that secure. Besides, they have image inducer watches, but he can’t disable security from his non-hover wheelchair? Whatever. During the five second delay before the kill room stops trying to kill, Nightcrawler realizes that it is a training room. Toad has seen enough, and wants out. Nightcrawler apologizes for messing up, and teleports away. 

  
On his way off the property, Toad runs into Logan, literally. Snikt, and Toad is ready to wet himself. The professor tells Logan to let him go. Logan smelled trouble, but maybe it was stink boy. Poor Toad. Meanwhile, Nightcrawler is in the hangar and is looking at the Blackbird. Cyclops enters, and starts bro-ing out over how fast it is, and the firepower. Nightcrawler asks if it’s his. Scott says it’s theirs, and if Kurt sticks around, he’ll show him how to fly it. Kurt says he almost got Scott killed. Scott laughs it off, and says not to do it again, but that’s what they’re there to learn; how not to make those mistakes. Kurt asks if Scott minds the way he looks. Scott says as long as he’s not hassled about his shades, they’re cool. 

  
At Bayville High, we hear the principal yelling, and all the bikes outside fall over. She can’t believe he was inside, and he ran away. Toad says he freaked. She says the professor probably wiped his mind so he can’t remember a thing. Toad shakes his head. Clearly he remembers enough to know he freaked out, but not why. Weird. She orders him out of the office, closes the door, and screams as she shifts into her Mystique look. We hear a voice telling her not to be too hard on the boy. Paper clips start moving around on their own. We see Magneto’s form outside the window, saying this is only the beginning. 

  
Speaking of voices, as fans of the blog will know, I love me some good voiceover talent. Evolution has several of my favs, one of which plays Nightcrawler. More than that though, is that three characters on this show are also in Death Note. Nightcrawler, Cyclops, and Mystique play Light, Mikami, and Rem, respectively. Just another fun tidbit. Now, for those keeping score between ’92 and Evolution, let’s recap. We have accidental Danger Room, and a glimpse of Sabertooth, and Magneto in episode one, check. Xavier, Scott, Jean, Logan, Storm, and Rogue as regulars in the series, check. Jean not having a code name, check. Until next time, stay geeky, and keep gabbing! 

  

X-Men – Night of the Sentinels, Part 1

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By Joshie Jaxon 

Happy new year, geek fans! I pondered what post I should kick off 2016 with, and the answer was an easy one; X-Men. With Deadpool and Apocalypse coming out later this year, I figured now was as good a time as any to take a crack at not one, not two, not even three, but four, that’s right FOUR X-Men series that have graced the small screen. To those of you who already know which four they are, you are awesome, and will enjoy my take on each one. Those of you who may have been born after some of these were made, you’re in for a treat. I’m starting off with the original X-Men animated series from 1992. This is what really got me hooked into the Marvel universe as a whole. Up until X-Men ’92, the only heroes I’d really been exposed to had been the Ninja Turtles. Yes, I know, I should probably post on them first, but this is my blog and I’ll post what my whims tell me to. You’re just gonna have to live with it. For now, enjoy this nearly twenty-four year old piece of television greatness. Let the geeks begin! 

  

Alright, not even gonna lie, in the opening credits they’ve only shown Cyclops so far, and I’ve already got chills. Next is Wolverine, Rogue, Storm, the Beast, Gambit, Jubilee, Jean Grey, and finally Professor X. Why doesn’t Jean get a code name? Maybe something like Marvel Girl, or Phoenix, or Fifty Shades of Jean? I fumbled that joke. Sorry, back to credits. Magneto clenching his fist with power, even more chills. This is gonna be so much fun. 

We open with Sabertooth causing destruction as a tv reporter says that it’s only fueling anti-mutant hysteria that’s growing nationwide, thus establishing the tone of this universe. Sabertooth tosses a police car at the camera, as a husband turns off the tv telling his wife, Martha, that she’s one of them. Martha asks how he could register her with the Mutant Control Agency as if she were a criminal. He tells her it’s an outreach program to help these unfortunate people. It’s for their own good. He’d probably feel differently if he were the one being registered. He hopes the neighbors never find out that their little Jubilee is a mutant. They’d never understand. Why give two shits what your neighbors think? Love your damn daughter for who she is. Jubilee overhears them and wonders why this happening to her. She didn’t ask to be a mutant. Substitute the word gay for mutant and you’ll understand why so many of us feel for the X-Men/mutants in general. They can’t help who they are, despite others feeling that they’re bad/wrong/evil, there’s nothing wrong with them, and they need to learn to embrace themselves, and celebrate it. They’re the perfect metaphor for the gay community, or any repressed people, actually. Anyhow, Jubilee says she used to be a normal kid. We see someone silhouetted against the full moon, cause that’s always a good shot. Instead of Superman, we get to see our very first Sentinel. We know that from the title, they’re never called that at all during the episode. Spoilers. The Sentinel lands on the ground, taking out a lamppost. It’s bigger than a house. It crashes through some trees, and nearly takes out a car too. Clearly, Trask didn’t design these for stealth. Back in the house, Martha asks her husband if he’s sorry they took her in. Of course he isn’t. At that moment, the Sentinel reaches through the window, grabs the bed and gets, nothing. It walks away, tracking Jubilee, as her parents discover the mess and scream. 

  

Jubilee is at the mall, inside the arcade, cause this is the 90’s, and that’s what we did back then. She’s crying to herself that her patents are ashamed of her. She thought they loved her. Well, maybe if you weren’t wearing so much yellow. Did I mention she’s also Asian-American? They did the same thing on Power Rangers. Gotta make sure we know who’s what after all. Anyhow, the Sentinel is stomping through the mall parking lot. People are fleeing, and screaming. Robot the size of a house, you would too. One lady tells a cop to do something. What does she want him to do, arrest it? The Sentinel says to no one in particular that he’s closing on his assigned target. Back in the arcade, Jubilee continues to talk to herself, and wonders what’s so bad about being a mutant. The Universe, answering her call, chooses that moment to activate her power, causing the game to blow up. The manager asks her if she knows how much that game cost. Teenager that she is, she replies, a quarter. He accuses her of being a mutant. Jubilee flees as he shouts they don’t want her kind around. Lousy bigot. He’s just jealous he doesn’t have anything but that change belt to make him special. Jubilee collides with Storm and Rogue and tells them to watch where they’re going. Rogue wonders what crawled up her shorts. I love Rogue. 

  

Meanwhile, the Sentinel has entered the mall, telling people not to be alarmed, he’s there to serve and protect. And cause property damage. Lots of property damage. In a store, we see Gambit buying a dozen decks of cards. The sales girl comments. He said he likes solitaire, unless he’s got someone, to play with. Dirty Cajun. I love it. Jubilee sees the Sentinel, and hopes he’s just security. It says it’s target is identified, and it’s going to initiate capture. A long metal rope extends from it’s palm to catch her. As people flee past Storm and Rogue, she quips there must be sale. Still love her. They see the captured Jubilee and Storm delivers the first of her many great lines of hammy, overly dramatic, awesomeness. To give them proper respect, I will write them in all caps. STORM, MISTRESS OF THE ELEMENTS, COMMANDS YOU TO RELEASE THAT CHILD! Rogue tells her to ease up on the speeches. The Sentinel says they are unidentified mutants, ignore. I love this show, but if the Sentinels were created to round up mutants, and can detect them without their picture and info being in their database, shouldn’t it have captured Storm and Rogue? I’m just throwing that out there. Also, based on it’s scanner, Storm has three inches and five pounds on Rogue. Storm uses her lightning to change from street clothes to X-Men uniform, something that they never explain in the cartoon, but is a nod to their ComicBook history. Storm then zaps the metal rope holding Jubilee and fries the very girl she was trying to save. Actually, she does use lightning on it, but it breaks, rather than conducting electricity. Hey, she’s flying here, let’s suspend a little disbelief. As Storm lands with Jubilee, Rogue lifts up the escalator stairs to deflect a blast. Jubilee is in awe. Storm says Rogue has a way with men. Cut to Rogue punching the Sentinel right in the face. 

  

In the card shop, the salesgirl is winking at Gambit. He hears the commotion and goes to leave. Rogue punches the Sentinel again, and it crashes into the store. He gets the girl to the corner, telling her that insurance should cover it. The Sentinel gets up, and blasts Storm and Rogue through a glass ceiling. I smell symbolism. The latter asks what it is. Storm believes it’s a robot. Jubilee tries to flee, but gets the floor blasted out from under her. Luckily Gambit is there to catch her. He calls her petite and asks where she’s going. Anywhere but there. The Sentinel tells him to move aside so he can apprehend that mutant. Gambit says apprehend this, and flings a charged card at the Sentinel, followed by several others. Jubilee asks how he did that. With style, petite, with style. Have I mentioned that I love this show? The Sentinel blasts Gambit, as Jubilee runs away. She says the mall has turned into a real live video game. She hides behind a column, hoping she isn’t seen, then peeks behind it like the dumb teen she is. Sentinel scans Gambit and calls him an unregistered mutant, expendable. Wait, so Gambit is expendable, but Storm and Rogue should be ignored? Is this some sort of sexism thing? Men are dangerous, but two petite girls are fine? Proving that girls can be a threat, Jubilee puts on her big girl pants and tells the Sentinel to leave him alone, as she blasts fireworks at it’s face, forcing it back. Staring at her hands in disbelief, Gambit has to tell her to run. Jubilee giveth, and Jubilee taketh away. She makes it outside, but the Sentinel exits the mall, causing more damage. It then throws a smoke grenade, which it probably should’ve done in the beginning, and Jubilee collides with Cyclops before she starts to pass out. The Sentinel fires on him, and misses. Scott offers the Sentinel an energy blast from a pro, and takes it’s head off. He may be a boy scout, but the man has power. 

  

X-Mansion, presumably that same night. Jubilee wakes up in the infirmary. Her powers short out the monitor she’s hooked to. She checks the door, but it’s locked. She tells her finger to zap it. There’s a dirty joke in there somewhere, but such is my reverence for this show, I’m gonna let this one slide. Jubilee’s finger lights up and she blasts the handle off the door. As she tries to find the way out, she passes Beast hanging from the ceiling. Then Morph watching a tv report on the growing mutant violence. Those who are wondering who Morph is, since he wasn’t in the opening credits, have every right to question him. Clearly he’s a member of the X-Men, by part 2, he’ll play a bigger role than the others could imagine. I’d say more, but as River Song would say, spoilers. Anyways, Morph amuses himself by turning into the various people he sees on tv, which is what I would do with that power. After turning into Tom Hiddleston and seeing if I was anatomically correct. Don’t judge me, you’d do it to. Jubilee finds herself in the War Room, and we get a glimpse at Domino, Cannonball, Sabertooth, Magneto, and Senator Kelly on the monitors. Jubilee turns them off, the sees the giant Sentinel head. We hear Charles say that what happened at the mall was inevitable. I’d like to point out that this is 1992, but Professor X has hover chair technology. It’s possible that Beast or Forge made it, but we don’t meet Forge for a while, and they aren’t exactly familiar when we do. Just saying, we’re in 2016 and we don’t have that. Jean points out that the monitors were on. The professor scans the area, and says it’s the girl. Jubilee runs. Then we hear the professor announcing there’s an intruder, despite the fact they could technically be considered kidnappers for bringing her there, and locking her in a room. Beast and Morph search the halls, as Jubilee presses buttons trying to escape. 

   

Jubilee manages to enter the Danger Room. The Gambit/Wolverine training sequence starts up. After nearly being hit by a giant spiked ball, she wonders if she’d have been better off with the giant robot. Gambit sees Jubilee and tells her that this is no place for her. Wolverine appears in all his bad-assery. Gambit throws a card and misses. Wolverine eventually gets Gambit facedown on the ground, extends his, er, claws, and says that the game is over. He asks Gambit if he’s had enough, and to say “uncle”. Everyone has their own safe word, don’t judge. Jubilee shouts not to hurt him, and blasts Wolverine in the gut with her pyrotechnics, sending him flying. The doors open and Storm, Morph, and Beast appear. Storm asks if the girl is alright. Wolverine says not for long. Jubilee says they were fighting and she wanted to help. Beast and Morph start laughing. Wolverine bares his claws, and they shut up. Gambit says she hurt Wolverine’s pride. Jubilee asks where she is. Beast says it’s a gymnasium, and survival course, affectionately called the Danger Room. Storm takes Jubilee to the roof for some girl talk. She explains that they’re all mutants, who discovered their gifts around Jubilee’s age. Storm says the professor is their leader, and they’re called the X-Men. She then tells her she’s safe. Um, wasn’t she just an intruder? Whatevs. Storm explains she got her name cause she can control the weather. Jubilee introduces herself, and says she blows stuff up. Storm says this is a school for the gifted. Jubilee, letting her teen out again, says they’re a little old for school, unless they all got held back. Storm says they learn how to control their mutant powers for the benefit of mankind. Jubilee asks why people hate them. Storm gives a valid answer; people hate what they don’t understand. 

  

In the War Room, the professor is looking at part of the Sentinel’s memory files. Wolverine asks if anyone contacted Jubilee’s patents. Rogue said they hollered, but no one hollered back. Prof. X says the photo is from the Mutant Control Agency registration files. Cyclops asks if the government is targeting mutants. The professor says no, they’re a private organization and aren’t government supported. He says someone at the agency has a hidden agenda. Cut to Gyrich at Jubilee’s house, asking if she has any mutant friends, like Storm and Rogue, who he shows a picture of. Jubilee gets off a bus and runs right past a Sentinel. It activates, and walks after her. Before she can get away, another one appears. This time they listen to me, and gas her from the beginning. She says, not again, and sees Gyrich for a second before blacking out. Back in the War Room the professor is telling the team about the Mutant Registration Facility, and how it has the files of innocent mutants that were duped into revealing themselves. Logan says they’ll get the files, and shred them. Gambit said he can do it easy. The professor says no, Storm is going in with Wolverine, Beast, and Morph. Morph says if it’ll make Gambit feel better, he’ll go in wearing his face. Cyclops will be in overall command. As the professor leaves, Scott follows him out. He says he believes in the dream of peace between humans and mutants, but asks if they’re actions are about to make them hypocrites. Prof. X says they have no choice. Logan asks Scott if teacher’s pet has cold feet. He flashes a beam in his visor. Wolverine says he’ll fight him any time. Jean runs up and says that Jubilee is gone. Wolverine says he’s going after her. Scott says no, they have a job to do. Wolverine gets in his face and flashes his claws, delivering the awesome line, “I go, where I wanna go”. He then shoves Gambit aside calling him gumbo as he storms out. In case I haven’t mentioned it, I love this show. 

   

The Blackbird lands near the registration facility. Scott tells them to stay close. Rogue says not too close. She mentions how as a teen she used to have a boyfriend, until she kissed him. He was in a coma for three days. That’s when the boys stopped calling. Beast says she was fortunate, he had dandruff. I get that he was trying to lighten the mood, but putting someone in a coma over a kiss, and not being able to have skin to skin contact without absorbing people isn’t “fortunate” not matter how you slice it. Rogue asks him what makes then like they are. His answer is great. Gamma rays, pollution, ozone depletion, heh, television. Morph adds, progress. Wolverine says it’s lousy luck, then tells them they make a lot of noise. Storm asks if he found Jubilee. He says the trail went cold outside the house. He got bit by a dog too. Storm summons some cloud cover, as Morph asks for boost. Beast and Wolverine throw him over the fence. He impersonates the guard, and kicks him out with a gas gun. Beast and Wolverine follow. As a guard tells them to halt, Logan pops out the claws. Storms zaps the guard unconscious, cause that’s somehow better. Mad he didn’t get to claw anything, he uses them on the metal door to get inside. Beast dangles the guard’s keys at him. Wolverine says he’ll buy them a new door. Before they can advance, Wolverine says there are electronic beams. Beast asks if he can detect the infrared spectrum. No, he can smell them; ozone. Storm summons mist so the beams can be seen. Beast travels on the ceiling to the power box and turns them off. Outside, Rogue tells Cyclops he’s as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Good one, Rogue, now do Brer Rabbit. A tank approaches, and Cyclops says they’ve got trouble. Back inside, Morph says it’s nothing but clear sailing from here. Famous last words. Storm reaches for a door handle, while there are several armed men on the other side. Credits. Cliffhanger. Noooo! 
That’s the first of our four X-entries. I hope you enjoyed it. This may be the first series I post a second episode of. It’s just that damn good. Until next time, stay geeky, and keep gabbing.