Looney Legacy – Broomstick Bunny

By Joshie Jaxon 

Greetings, geek fans! October is upon us, and that means we’re all counting down to Halloween. Except my mom. She hates it. Seriously, I don’t know how we’re related. Personally, I don’t countdown to Halloween so much as the annual screening of Rocky Horror. It’s my favorite event of the year, that I look forward to for months. Some would call that sad, and they might be right, but only cause they’re comparing my life to their own. This season brings me joy, and I refuse to apologize for it. Anyhow, today’s post is on one of my favorite Looney Tunes, that doesn’t feature Daffy Duck. Side note, I found a new DVD today featuring something that’ll be fun to review. For now, let the geeks begin! 

Halloween night, Witch Hazel’s house. We see her diploma from the Malevolent Order of Witches. She’s got bats in a birdcage, and is currently in the kitchen. Hazel is serving a dress of basic blue, nasty black hair, green skin, bloomers, a giant bosom and torso, coupled with stick-like legs. She’s still fierce. As she’s stirring her brew, she sings. A cup of arsenic, a spider, some glue. A lizard’s gizzard, an eel’s head or two. For little folk, some poison oak. Despite her lyrics, she clips some poison ivy from her “herbs”. We won’t fault her though. On the way back to the cauldron, she stops to look in the mirror. Magic mirror, on the wall, who’s the ugliest one of all? By his troth he will avow, there’s none that’s uglier than thou [her]. She breaks the fourth wall to say she’s dreadfully afraid of getting pretty as she gets older. Pretty! She then laughs her ass off, and bolts back into the kitchen, leaving bobby pins spinning in the air. I love that gag. 

Outside we see a witch walking with a sack. It stops, pulls off its face to reveal that it’s Bugs Bunny in a mask. He said he likes the trick or treat racket, and wishes it were more than once a year. Back inside, Hazel is wishing she had guests. Cue the knock at the door. She answers the door and sees Bugs, who asks if she’s got any goodies for a Halloween witch. Witch? Hazel doesn’t remember seeing her at any of the union meetings. Oh, but isn’t Bugs the ugliest little thing? Ugly! Hazel rushes to the mirror, leaving more bobby pins in her wake, and asks the mirror again who is ugliest. The mirror looks at Bugs and gives Hazel the news. She was the ugliest, it’s true, but that creep is uglier than you [her]. Hazel freaks, but quickly comes up with a plan. Running back to the door, more pins flying, damn, Hazel got some strong weave game. 

Darling! She exclaims, as she drags Bugs to the dining room. Hazel warns Bugs that’s she’s going to worn out all of her ugly secrets, then asks who undoes her hair. Bugs asks if she likes it, and Hazel says its positively hideous! Bugs said he did it himself. There’s nothing like a home permanent. Hazel says she’s being a bad hostess, and is going to get some tea and goodies. She runs out of the room with, you guessed it, more pins flying, tells Bugs to make herself homely. Bugs breaks the fourth wall and delivers the best read ever. “She may not be very pretty now, but she was somebody’s baby once”. Shade! In the kitchen, there’s several ingredients out. Pretty pills, beauty ointment, allure unguent, handsome oil, and de-uglifying something we can’t make out. We won’t question why she had these things in the house. Based on her earlier singing, you’d think it’d all be eye of newt type stuff. Anyhow, she brings the “tea” to the table, ready to dish. 

Hazel tells Bugs it’s her own brew, and hopes she likes it. Bugs holds the cup up, and Hazel encourages her to drink it. Bugs says he’s gotta take off his mask first. He does, and when she sees his real head, she bolts out of the room. More pins spin in the air. I’m staring to think Hazel can’t really walk, and just runs all the time. Looking in her book there’s a recipe that calls for rabbit clavicle. We then hear Bugs saying his inner sense of danger tells him there’s something unhealthy about the atmosphere of the cottage, and begins walking for the door. He runs right into Hazel, who has a cleaver behind her back. He says he got trick or treating to catch up on, and bids her adieu. He runs, and she’s hot on his heels. Like any good victim in a horror scenario, he runs deeper into the house, and up the stairs. Here’s hoping he’s a virgin. 

They run down the stairs, and Bugs runs past the magic broom closet. We know this cause it’s labeled. Who is that for? It’s Hazel’s house. She knows where her booms are. We the audience would be able to infer from context if she went in and then came out flying. Oh well. Hazel enters, and declares hi-oh Sliver, away! Get it? The broom is wood. It’s an older joke. They got it back then. Moving on. The broom takes off, and begins sweeping the floor. Oops. Bugs gets behind a wall and catches his breath, saying that she wants to do him serious hurt. A carrot lowers behind him, and he’s transfixed by it. Bugs starts chomping, and Hazel reels him in, and scoops him in a net. Dumb bunny! 

Back in a room off the kitchen, Hazel is sharpening her cleaver. Bugs is bound from ankle to neck, watching. Hazel runs her finger along the edge and says its sharp enough to split a hare. Split a hare? She cackles her enjoyment at her own pun. More pins fly as she rushes to Bugs. In a signature Chuck Jones move, he’s got the big eyes thing going on, ears back, and we hear the violin. She winds up. Tears start to form in Bugs’ eyes. Hazel sniffles. Bugs is silently crying. She drops the cleaver, and starts blubbering. Bugs asks what’s wrong. She says he reminds her of Paul. He asks who Paul is. Her pet tarantula! I’ll assume he died. Like spiders should. Bugs does too, and tells her we can’t carry the torch for our loved ones forever, and to pull herself together. Um, wasn’t he the one who broke her? He walks on his toes to get her something to drink. He carries over the saucer and teacup in his mouth. Uh oh! 

Hazel, still blubbering, grabs the cup without looking, and drinks it down. She’s instantly transformed into a curvy, stacked, beautiful, redhead. According to commentary, Hazel’s “pretty” look was based on her voice actress June Foray, who I adore. Anyhow, Hazel realizes what happened, and runs to the mirror. Bobby pins still fly, cause there are some things magic doesn’t change. She asks it once more who is ugliest of them all. Rawr! The mirror then tries to grab her, and chases her out of the house. More pins fly, as there’s still time in the cartoon, and you can’t beat a good sight gag to death. The spirit of the mirror gets on his flying carpet, and goes after her. This time she gets the right broom from the closet, and escapes into the night. Much like the end of Transylvania 6-5000, Bugs makes a phone call. He tells the operator she won’t believe it, but he just saw a genie with light brown hair chasing a flying sorceress. 

Hope you enjoyed the October kickoff as much as I did. There will always be a fun level of nostalgia for these cartoons. More to come soon! Until next time, stay geeky, and keep gabbing! 

Advertisements

Looney Legacy – Wearing of the Grin

  

By Joshie Jaxon 

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, geek fans! This a joyous post. Not just because it gives me an excuse to watch my Looney Tunes DVDs, but today marks the one year anniversary of Gay Geek Gab! I know! Can you believe it? A year already, and the FCC hasn’t shut us down. Either I’m not pushing the envelope far enough, or society has jaded to the point that I’m no longer the radical I think I am. Perhaps some more extreme language will get some attention. Fuck yeah! No? Sigh. Fine, I’ll stay the lovable, dirty in the best way, blogger that you’ve come to know and love. I would like to thank Bevianna and Bri Bones for all their work behind the scenes. I said crushed ice, you incompetent- oh, yeah, the speech typer-thing was still going. Damn. Where’s the delete key? No, not for the whole site. Ingrates! I’ll deal with you later. Where was I? Oh yes, I was about to start my St. Patrick’s Day post with another entry into our currently lacking, but not for long, Looney Legacy. Halloween was all about Bugs vs Dracula, with Bugs being the obvious winner. St. Patrick’s Day we’ll focus on Porky Pig, and his encounter with some leprechauns. Let the geeks begin!

  

In mother Ireland, yes, your Joshie is Irish, Porky is traveling. Why do I always pick the ones where the character is traveling? Oh well. There’s a sign that reads “Sure, and it’s still 12 miles to Dublin Town”. Which isn’t funny unless you read it in the intended accent. Porky says he’ll never make it in this storm. Um, you’re carrying baggage, for who knows how long, and the last 12 miles is where you draw the line? Sure, pig. He thinks maybe he could stay at the nearby, but not really, cause it’s on a mountain, why a fat pig would choose an inclined plane rather than flat road is beyond me, wow this is a long sentence, castle that’s nearby. Cause that worked out so well for Brad and Janet. Castles don’t have phones, bacon bits. Kidding, he doesn’t want a phone, he’s just hoping for lodging. On the way up to the castle, there’s another sign, this one reads, “Beware the leprechauns”. Luau scoffs at the very idea of leprechauns, and continues up to the castle, blasting his ham hocks with every step. Hey, he doesn’t wear pants for a reason. He doesn’t do stairs for his ass not to be seen. Anyhow, he reaches the castle and uses the shamrock shaped knocker. Since no one answered, naturally, he lets himself in, concluding they must be asleep. It’s not breaking, but you just entered, Pork Chop. 

   

In the darkness we see a silhouette, before a match is lit, and a ginger man, glad in green, including hat, with a pipe, lights a match, and candle. He says sure and his name is Seamus O’Toole, caretaker of old Clarey castle he is. Moo Shu Pork says he’d like a room for the night. Seamus asks if he’s daft, saying the only living things there are the leprechauns. Pork Pie breaks the fourth wall, gesturing at Seamus and saying “leprechauns”. He then orders Seamus to take his bags to a room, calling him a picturesque peasant caretaker of the old sod. Um, Pork Ribs, you just entered his place, without permission, and are now demanding to stay there? I don’t recall you offering to pay. Must’ve left your wallet in your other pants, eh? He slams the door closed, and a spiked mace falls on his head. It he weren’t a toon, he’d be dead. Unintentional rhyme. Seamus separates at the waist, and runs over to check on the unconscious pig. Meanwhile, arms pop out of his pants, and an identical person, but with black hair, comes running over to join him. Black hair, O’Mike, says he’s a fat one. Ginger, O’Pat, calls him a bundle of suet. Fun Tidbit #1, suet is the hard fat around beef/mutton loins and kidneys. O’Mike says they need to hide the pot of gold, and lifts his hat revealing it, before running around like a loon. O’Pat asks him to stop, wait, whoa, and wait a minute before shouting at his running friend, who has the sense to look embarrassed by his actions. Ginger says he’s the chief of the leprechauns, and he alone will decide what to do with the intruder. The two merge back by getting on top of each other, and go help Pork Rinds to his feet, stating they’ll get him to a nice soft bed. O’Mike passes the bags up to O’Pat, and they follow Pork & Beans up the stairs. 

  

  

At said stairs, ginger uses the railing while blacky takes the stairs proper. They go their separate ways at the top, with the legs staying with Porky. When he gets to the room, he tells Seamus to put the bags down anywhere. He then passes his coat and hat to O’Mike, who hasn’t emerged from the lower torso. I’d call Porky stupid, but he did just suffer a blow to the head. On his way to bed, O’Mike stops in front of him, asking if he’s seen his lower half about. Porky points behind him, and comments how some people can’t keep track of their lower halves. It dawn on him what he said, and what he’s seen, and he turns to see both halves of Seamus. Isn’t this sight enough to set the heart crossways in you? Don’t worry, google doesn’t know what it means either. Porky exclaims “leprechauns!” while hiding under the covers on the bed. Big mistake. The bed tilts back into the wall, and sends Porky down a tunnel, dropping him in a chair. O’Mike enters, carrying a shillelagh, and says leprechaun court of O’Shaughnasee township, county of Rourke O’Hoolihan is now in session. Fun Tidbit #2, the writers clearly went for the most irish sounding things they could think of, cause having leprechauns alone, and being outside Dublin, wasn’t enough to convey a location and it’s people. Fun Tidbit #3, I’m really not that PC, I just find it amusing. It’s the little people vs Porky Pig, whose name they shouldn’t know, cause he never gave it, for attempting to steal the pot of gold, which is sitting on a table as exhibit A. Porky tries to object, and is called a blatherskite, and told to be silent. Fun Tidbit #4 Blatherskite needs to come back into main stream language. I remember it from Gizmo Duck on DuckTales, but after looking it up, I wanna use it more. O’Pat is the presiding judge. He takes one look at Porky and says he’s guilty as the day is long. Porky protests, demanding a fair trial. Um, you aren’t in America, boyo, this is leprechaun justice! I sentence you to the wearing of the green shoes! No, seriously. That’s his punishment. Green shoes, that clash with his, pants? Never mind. 

  

Once he’s in the green shoes, Porky says the nicest shoes ever. That is, of course, until they turn him into an Irish stepdancer against his will. As he dances his way out of the courtroom, the leprechauns laugh. We see Porky dancing in front of a giant pot of gold. Coins erupt from it, and have O’Pat and O’Mike’s laughing faces on them. Porky dances further away, and tries to pull the shoes off, which he does, throwing them past a shamrock plant. Magic isn’t undone that easily, little piggy. The shoes chase him down, trying to get back on his feet. As he flees, he goes through a field of pipes. Not Mario pipes, smoking pipes. I’m surprised there wasn’t a field of beer. Fun Tidbit #5, not all Irish people smoke and/or drink. Just sayin’. Porky runs up some stairs, and passes between two harps. Final Fun Tidbit, ’tis the harp, and not the shamrock, that is the actual symbol of Ireland. Anyhow, Porky jumps, and the shoes jump after him. Being a toon, Porky runs vertically on air to escape, falls in a pipe, and comes out the other end as smoke, before re-forming. He grabs a giant harp, and it shrinks to fit his wrists like handcuffs. Emerald Isle, bitch! The shoes kick him in his shapely ass, and he lands in them, only to begin dancing once more. In fact, it dances him right off another cliff, and into a golden liquid in a pot. Now, I’m sure they were going for liquid gold, not golden showers, but you never know with Warner Bros. We fade to Porky flopping about at the castle entrance in a puddle. Don’t worry, O’Pat and O’Mike weren’t taking turns, it’s water. He’s holding a bucket and everything. Perfectly innocent. Porky wakes up, screams, and launches himself above the door, saying he doesn’t want the pot of gold. Seamus hasn’t a clue. Porky says he sentenced him to wear the green shoes. Seamus asks why he’d do such a daft thing. He offers Porky rest in a soft bad. Porky says he must be going. He’s late for an appointment, with his psychiatrist. Porky takes off like a shot, as O’Pat and O’Mike shake hands. Credits! 

  

There you have it, lads n lassies, our 1 year anniversary commemorative post. Thank you to everyone that’s been with us since the beginning, and those who’ve joined along the way. We don’t just do this for ourselves, we do it for you. Until next time, stay geeky, and keep gabbing! 

Looney Legacy – Transylvania 6-5000 

  

By Joshie Jaxon 

Happy Halloween, geek fans! Ok, so it’s not Halloween quite yet, but still. I’m excited for this post more than almost any other. Want to know why? What do you mean, get to the cartoon? Screw you! This is an epic post, and not just because it launches our Looney Legacy category. This post is our 100th post on the Gab. That’s right, 100 posts in 7 months, with 6500 views in 70 countries. It is mine and Bevianna’s continued pleasure to bring you our humor. Let the geeks begin!

Transylvania, at night. Something is burrowing through the ground, and up a road. It smacks into a tree, and Bugs Bunny emerges. He rubs his neck and quips that the Pennsylvania hardwoods aren’t too soft. The tree has a sign showing he’s actually in Pittsburghe Transylvania. A two-headed vulture lands on the tree. One head, Agitha, asks who the delicious looking creature is. Bugs asks the ladies, er, lady for the shortest route the Pittsburg. The other head, Emily, says he looks sweet and crunchy. Bugs excuses himself and heads up to the castle, that he thinks is a hotel so he can use the phone. Castles don’t have phones, asshole! Sorry, Rocky Horror moment. 

  

There’s a noose hanging from a skull with chimes for teeth. We see above the coffin shaped door that this is the castle of Count Bloodcount. Bugs apologizes for arriving so late in the night. The Count says it’s never too late, and invites him in. Bugs says he wants to call his travel agency, as he wanders through the cobweb infested “lobby”. Meanwhile, the Count is floating around and ducking behind columns. Bugs wonders why hotels always hide their telephone booths. The Count appears before him, and Bugs thinks he’s the head waiter. He asks about the phone, and the Count leads him further into the castle. 

  

Bugs remarks how charming the place is. There’s interesting decor. We see a piano with teeth instead of keys, including a sign that reads “music to croak by”. There’s a painting of a bat that reads, “mother”. Another that says, “Aunt Harriet”. There’s also a tv with skull buttons and actual rabbit ears. Kids, “rabbit ears” is a term used for the antennae that you needed to have in order to watch tv before everything went digital. Then there’s the picture of ghouls scout camp from 1832. The hallways are all coffin shaped as well. I love visual humor. 

  

The Count opens a door and tells bugs that this is his room. Bugs doesn’t want a room, he just wants the phone. The Count holds Bugs’ head in his hand. Rest first, telephone tomorrow. Rest is good for the blood. Bugs agrees that he is a little fatigued. The Count tells Bugs goodbye, er, goodnight. Opens the door a second later and asks if he’s asleep yet. Nope. The Count says to ring if he needs anything, like a cup of cyanide or the like. Bugs can’t sleep in a strange bed no matter how nice the place is. He looks on the bookshelf for something to read. His choices are, Bone Guide, Blood Type Oh!, Unusual Blood Types, Rise and Fall of the Roman Vampire, Bloody Types, Heath and Care of Fangs, Embalmers Almanac, and Magic Words and Phrases. One of these things is not like the other… Bugs chooses the magic book and reads that magic can performed by potions, or by magic words and phases. We see the Count behind Bugs, ready to grab him, when Bugs says the first magic word, abracadabra. The Count is immediately turned into a bat. Bugs mistakes him for a giant mosquito and swats him. The Count flees out the nearby window. Bugs utters the next magic phrase, hocus pocus, and the Count regains his human form, right over the moat. The vulture asks herself if it was anyone they know. No, but he was a splendid specimen though. 

  

Bugs wanders the castle looking for the restaurant. He hasn’t eaten since Cucamonga. The Count floats through the castle after Bugs, who is humming abracadabra. Once again the Count becomes a bat. Bugs sees him, and says they really should screen this place. He reaches off camera for pesticide and sprays the Count. The Count hangs from a doorway, coughing up poison. Then Bugs sings to himself, hocus pocus. Suddenly the Count is hanging by his shoes, and falls on his head. He’s had enough. The Count flies up to Bugs and declares that he’s a vampire. Bugs says abracadabra, and becomes an umpire. The Count says hocus pocus and changes into a bat. Bugs can be a bat too, a baseball bat, abracadabra. The Count puts his red Sally Jesse glasses on and asks if Bugs would hit a bat with glasses on. Bugs smacks him, and he falls in a crack in the stone floor. Hocus pocus, now I crush you! Abracadabra, and stone crushes the bat Count. Muffled Hocus pocus! Count, looking worse for ware, holds the stone up again. Abracadabra! Crush! Strained, hocus pocus. The Count, with bloodshot eyes, struggles to hold up the stone. Abracadabra! Crushed again. I laugh at this every single time. 

  

Count batty crawls out from under the stone. Bugs, taking off his umpire uniform, says abracapocus. We get human body, with tiny bat head. Then Bugs tries hocus cadabra. We get bat body with human head. Newport News, turns the Count into a witch. Bugs thinks he can do better. Walla Walla Washington! The Count becomes a two-headed vulture. Bugs goes to the window and calls to the lady vulture. Look, Emily! It’s our little friend. Bugs shows them what he’s done, and the Count looks worried. They chase the Count out the window and into the night. She always said, four heads are better than two. 

  

Bugs finally finds the coffin shaped telephone booth. Kids, a telephone booth is something that existed so that if you weren’t home, and needed to make a call, you could insert some money, and do so. This particular type of phone is a rotary phone, where you had to put your finger in the hole, and turn. It sounds dirtier than it is. This was in the pre-mobile phone, touchscreen, google era. Bugs dials the operator, and asks to be connected to the Acme Travel Service in Perth Amboy, USA. Bugs hums abracapocus and gains bat wings where his ears once were. Bugs clicks on the receiver to tell the operator to cancel the call, he’s gonna fly home instead. Bugs flaps his new ear wings, and flies out into the night, silhouetted against the full moon.