Thundercats – Exodus

  

By Joshie Jaxon



Thundercats are on the move. Thundercats are loose. Feel the magic, hear the roar. Thundercats are loose. Thunder! Thunder! Thunder! Thundercats! Simple, and catchy as hell. Even before rewatching it I could’ve typed it all out. I had the toys, the tank, all of it. Thundercats and Voltron defined my early childhood viewing, and playtime. There was some Rainbow Brite in there to help me be well-rounded, but it was mostly those two. Let the geeks begin! 

  

Red planet of impending doom. The thunder ship orbits a safe distance away. It’s almost time. Should we wake him? Nah, why bother him. Um, his home planet is about to be destroyed. Someone wake your future ruler. Cheetara will do it. It’ll be easier coming from her. She goes to Lion-O’s chamber, and wakes him. Save for a belt and boots, she appears to be nude. Ah, Thundarian fashion. Wait, Lion-O is nude too, except for boots. Isn’t this supposed to be a kids show? Snarf says that Lion-O needs his rest. Lion-O says he’s practically grown. Oops, you weren’t supposed to notice that. Locker room etiquette, people. Unless he draws attention to it, ignore it. Oh wait, he did draw attention to it. Stare away. 

  

On the bridge, Jaga, who has on clothes, by the way, tells Lion-O to come closer, and watch the telescreen. Say, Lion-O, do you like gladiator movies? Creepy old cat. Lion-O watches the planet explode, and asks what that was. Jaga says it was Thundara, and used to be their home. Um, didn’t Lion-O know he was getting on a spaceship? Did he think they were going for a quiet drive to get ice cream? How cruel are the adults here? Your home is gone, but that’s ok, you’re The Lord of the Thundercats. You’ll keep the spirit of the dead planet alive by living up to it’s code in your new home. Justice, truth, honor, and loyalty. Can you do it? He will! Jaga says he’ll have the help of the nobles; Cheetara, Tygra, Panthro, and Wily Kit and Wily Kat. Way to leave Snarf of the list. Snarf! Snarf! Sorry, had to do it at least once. 

  

Jaga takes Lion-O to another room, which houses the Sword of Omens, and the source of their power, the Eye of Thundara. Lion-O touches it, and it grows bigger in his hand. Well, that’s puberty for you. Jaga tells Lion-O that the sword will give him sight beyond sight, and the eye will protect him. Lion-O asks how. Jaga says it will know before he does. That’s a smart jewel if you ask me. Lion-O says he can’t lift it. Jaga says he doesn’t have the strength. He asks Snarf to retrieve the others. Jaga then resumes telling Lion-O it won’t be long before the sword feels natural in his hand. I know it took a while for me. 

  

The other Thundercats enter, and they’re all nude. Two have belts. They all have boots, but not a single stitch of clothing. We need to break this down for a minute. I get it, they aren’t human, they’re cats. However, they’re humanoid cats. Cheetara only has two breasts, not six to eight. They all have normal human mouths and teeth. Save for Tygra and Cheetara’s coloring, you’d never know they had fur. These are essentially naked people. I’d say the bikini cut lines are to imply underwear, rather than full nudity, but three of the five don’t have a line across their torso to support that. The problem is about to be solved, but again I’d like to point out that Jaga has had clothes on the entire time. If there’s no acknowledgement of nudity among them, why does he feel the need to cover up? They aren’t anatomically correct for humans. I’d assume their feline penises are inside them, or covered by thick fur. We can see abs, and peck definition though, so the fur can’t be that thick. Yes, I’m obsessing, but I’ve got the place to myself tonight, and you, dear readers, will have to deal with my random thoughts. 

  

Anyhow, Jaga gives them clothes and weapons to help protect them from the unknown elements of their new home. Cheetara Kit, Kat, and Tygra all get skin tight outfits, while Panthro gets spiked fetish wear. Before they can play with their new toys, they discover they are under attack. Jaga tells Snarf to watch Lion-O while the rest of them go to the bridge. It’s mutants, from the planet Plun-Darr. Jackalman, Monkian, and Slithe manage to take out one of the convoy. Uh oh! The non-primary Thundercats could be killed! They aren’t named though, so we don’t care about them. More of the convoy ships are destroyed, until only the flag ship with the main cast is left. They should expect company. Yep, grappling beams hit the ship, and the mutants start to melt a hole in the hull. I swear the Decepticons already pulled this stunt. Let’s call it a homage and keep going. Being a cheetah, you can guess who arrives first to defend the ship. Tygra then goes invisible for a second, before attacking some monkey men. Now you don’t see me. Now you do. Riveting dialogue. Meanwhile, Panthro tells the jackals if they were as mean as they are ugly, maybe they’d be trouble. 

  

Slithe and Jackalman still haven’t found the eye yet. If only they knew what it looked like. Slithe says he’s seen it. Hold up, back when Jaga was passing out clothes, he said the sword and the eye’s location were only known to him on Thundara. How in the world does Slithe know what it looks like? How I ask you? How! The answer is convenience. Slithe sees it embedded in the Sword of Omens, and knows it on sight. Lion-O has a raging sword in his hand, but he still can’t lift the damn thing. Snarf tries to defend, but is captured in a net. Don’t forget to gag him! Slithe goes after Lion-O, but he won’t give up without a fight. The sword responds to his need, and glows as Lion-O raises it above his head. He has the power! Seeing a kid handle a massive sword like that is too much. Slithe and the others go back to their ship to fap about what they just saw. Geez this show is dirty. Maybe it’s me. Either way, the mutants are gone. Jaga is impressed. Lion-O says the sword did most of the work. Well, he is at that age. 

  

Damage report, Mr. Panthro. The hull has been patched, but the navigation system is shot. They won’t make it to the galaxy they were headed for. The best they can do is the Milky Way. Wily Kat calls it dinky. Panthro says the third planet from the sun has an atmosphere they could handle. Still, it’s light years away. They’d have to finish the trip in suspension. Jaga orders them into the capsules. He’ll get them to the blue planet. Panthro suggests robot pilot, but Jaga says no. It needs to be done manually as long as possible. Insert joke here. Jaga says the suspension capsules slow the aging process, but doesn’t stop it. Even if he slept, he wouldn’t live long enough to survive the journey. They all enter the capsules, except Lion-O. He wants a goodbye hug and cry. Time for a catnap as Jaga pilots the ship. He lasts until Jupiter, and is raptured out of his clothes. With autopilot active, the ship arrives on the blue planet. Breaking to pieces as it scrapes the ground, and falls off a mountain. 

  

Snarf is the first one awake, of course, and goes looking for Lion-O. He locates his capsule, and claws it open. Lion-O is all big and hunky now. One of his shoulder straps broke in his sleep, and his abs are showing too. It’s a wonder I turned out gay, and not a furry too. Woof! Er, meow! Snarf looks to the sky, and sees that the mutants have followed them. We won’t ask how. We’ll just say a wizard did it. The mutants teleport to the surface, and begin searching the wreckage. Lion-O watches as they find the capsules with the others in them. Miss thing ain’t having that. He charges the mutants, despite having no real fight training that we’ve seen so far. It’s ok, his abs will protect him. Oh, and Snarf, carrying the Sword of Omens. Lion-O catches it, and energy discharges from it. Phantom Jaga appears before him, and tells him that he holds the source of the Thundercats power. Sight beyond sight shows Lion-O the others in their capsules. Time to throw down. 

  

Thunder! Thunder! Thundercats, ho! Thundercat emblem in the sky. Tygra and the others open their eyes, as they glow yellow. The capsule lids pop off. Monkian says the Thundercats are loose. Sounds like a music cue. Damn I love being right. Thundercats are on the move. Thundercats are loose, and kicking ass. As Tyrga, Cheetara and the others fight, they notice Lion-O is part of the fray, and that he’s grown. Wily Kat, who didn’t grow, quips about height not being so great. Then he blows a monkey. With powder, you dirty birdies. Slithe has them teleport back to the ship. Lion-O says he’ll protect the eye from the mutants. Tygra comments what a fine figure of a Thundercat he’s turned out to be. Cheetara says he’s handsome. I think they’re gonna fight over him as the series progresses. At least that’s the backstory I’ll have in mind when I watch it. Although there was no Mumm-Ra, it was still a good premier. Hope you enjoyed the trip down memory lane. Until next time! 

  

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DmC: Devil May Cry

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-by Bevianna Bones

Ok, ok, so DmC isn’t a retro game by any means. But I’m sure there’s some way or another that I can attempt to justify it as something that belongs here on 3G. Let’s see…well it’s a “remake” of Devil May Cry. Well not really a “remake” in the terms of how games are “remastered” in HD for the next gen consoles. But more like a “re-envisioning” of the franchise. The original Devil May Cry was released in 2001 for the PS2. Originally intended as a sequel to Resident Evil. Betcha didn’t know that. See, there’s a reason you find yourself reading 3G. It’s just chalk full of useless information.

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Insert obscure reference here…one day I really should explain this shouldn’t I? Nah…why would I do a thing like that?

Anyway, obviously the series didn’t turn out as a sequel to Resident Evil at all. In fact, the only thing it has to do with that particular franchise is that it was developed by Capcom and became an immensely popular franchise. It’s spawned comics, anime, and even a crappy movie adaptation. And 4 sequels. Well, 5 if you include DmC. But, like I said, maybe, earlier is that DmC isn’t really a sequel, or even part of the cannon of franchise. It’s like a wonderfully created fanfic. Kind of in the same vein of the new Star Trek movies. So why is this finding a spot on 3G? Well because I thoroughly enjoy it, and it’s badassness. 

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Whatever! I do what I want!

The reboot was done by Ninja Theory, and Capcom stayed involved, at their request, to ensure the game still was reminiscent of the original titles. You know how these fanboys and fangirls are about things. You change one little thing and they get all upset. And that’s exactly what happened. They faced a barrage of negative previews on account that Dante wasn’t wearing the right costume. (Although there is an awesome part in the opening sequence where he stumbles into a white wig as a little hommage). Sounds stupid right? Who gets upset about those kinds of things? It doesn’t happen…

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But after the crazed fans actually played the thing they changed their minds. This game is spectacular to play, not only is it a visually beautiful, it has an epic soundtrack, and intense gameplay.  The storyline, reimagined follows Dante as a young man struggling with the demons that haunt him while living in a corrupt and brainwashed society. That’s all I’m gonna tell you about the plot. I don’t want any spoilers. But I will say, that familiar faces from the series do play intricate roles in the retelling of Dante’s destiny.

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Did I mention this was a pretty, pretty, gritty, dirty game? This is not your mama’s Devil May Cry. Check out the intro:

Not your mama’s Devil indeed. This game will put you on sensory overload. I recommend if you have a PS3 or a 360 to pick it up. You can probably find it at your local game shop for less than 10 bucks now. Or if you’re really fortunate and wise enough to own a PS4, they just released a full 1080i/60fps “definitive edition” back in March that also includes all the original DLC, character skins, side quests, and a new game modes called Bloody Palace that is essentially a batshit crazy kill everything in sight nonstop free for all that’s not to be missed. Buy it. Buy it now. And for everyone who can’t get used to this new fangled looking Dante, they even threw in an original skin for him. It’s a solid gaming experience with loads of replay value and unlockables. I’m giving it two snaps, a twist, and kiss!

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🙂

-BB

Pride Post – Tears of Joy

By Bri Bones

I woke up this morning to a half dozen texts telling me that the SCOTUS affirmed that marriage discrimination was unconstitutional. I’ve spent most of the morning trying to formulate my thoughts into a coherent whole. 

  
I can honestly say growing up, I never thought I’d see this day. Marriage was something for other people. I knew I was gay from a young age. I remember at around 8 or 9 taking the breast plate off of my He-Man action figure because I thought he looked better that way. I was the kid who was always friends with the girls, rather than the boys. 

  

When my parents would take me grocery shopping, I always would go over and hang out at the magazine rack. I’d look at the comics, the kids magazines, all the things like that. But another thing I would sometimes look at were the men’s exercise/bodybuilder magazines. They gave me tingles I didn’t understand.

It was 9th grade when I finally realized a way to put a word to my feelings. I was at the library in my home town looking at books. I found a book called “A Boys Own Story” by Edmund White. It was a biographical tale of a young mans discovery of his homosexuality. I was sitting in the corner of the library reading it and all the feelings I’d felt crystallized in my mind. This was me! This was how I felt! Certainly the final chapter where he recounted his first full sexual experience in fairly explicit detail gave me the first erection I remember distinctly.

I never really felt angst about it. I recognized this was how I felt and I was mostly ok with it. I was never suicidal about it, never anyplace dark. However, this was for me only to know. No one, and I mean NO ONE! could know. 
A year later, in high school, I got involved in theater. That’s where I met him. I’ll go ahead and call him Fred. Fred was another student. He had beautiful blue eyes and a mischievous smile. He super popular, yet he actually was friendly to me, the unpopular nerdy kid. We were cast in the same shows all through high school. Senior year, we were cast together in A Midsummers Nights Dream. I was Oberon, he was Puck. We were now working closer than we ever had. His costume in that show was just a pair of tights. He was shirtless with body glitter. Working that close to his shirtless torso, I discovered he also smelled good. 

Our teacher had had the head of the theater department at her old school come see our performance for recruitment purposes. I wanted to go there so badly. When the performance was over, she came backstage to tell us that he loved our show, and that he was going to see about offering Fred a scholarship. I wasn’t even mentioned, and was devastated inside. However I bucked up and told him congrats. A bit later we were under the stage changing. It was just the two of us. He asked what was the matter. Apparently I wasn’t doing as good a job as I thought at hiding my disappointment. I finally said I was upset because I wasn’t good enough to get a scholarship. We talked for a bit, and eventually came to the point of hugging. And we held the hug. And I felt something poking me in the leg. Then, and I will always remember this moment, Fred kissed me. And I kissed him back. 

Fred and I continued to fool around under the stage until we graduated a few months later. We went off to our separate colleges and eventually grew apart. He occasionally pops up as a “you may know” on Facebook. He’s married with kids, which is why I changed his name in this story.

  

College happened for me and I discovered other gay people who were out and happy. I began those first tentative steps out of the closet. I first told my sister, then some friends. It was Matthew Shepard’s murder that pushed me completely out. It seemed wrong for me to continue hiding when he died so horribly because of who he was. So out I went. I told my parents, coworkers, everyone, and I agree with what everyone says, it’s so much better being open and honest. 

  

Today’s ruling got me thinking a lot about that little boy in Farmington, UT. He never thought he’d be able to get married. I’m crying tears of happiness that future generations of little gay kids will grow up knowing that they are the same, and be proud of who they are. 

  

Pride Post – Marriage Equality

  

 

By Joshie Jaxon

Marriage isn’t something that I ever thought would happen for me in my life. Growing up in Utah, I was certain that various versions of hell would have to freeze over for gays/lesbians to be able to legally wed one another. Well, it must be 31 degrees there, because today the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) ruled marriage equality legal in all 50 states. Those of you in triad relationships, I’m not 100% what, if anything, this will do for you, but I support you as much as I would any couple consisting of two people. Love is love. Today I’ve been thinking about what marriage equality means to me.

  

I’ll spare you the particulars of my childhood, but needless to say, I never had a positive example of marriage growing up. Divorce, broken homes, and on again off again relationships where the sight I was most familiar with. As such, I don’t think I have the most positive outlook on marriage and relationships. I go into them, not expecting them to fail, but not being surprised when they do. I know that makes me a jaded cynic, and I accept that about myself. However, I am also working to overcome that mentality. I believe that with enough hard work, and fights both big and small, that a relationship can be forged to last.

  

I’m still on the fence about marriage though. As long as two people love each other, and are together because they want to be, I see no reason that the law needs to come in and validate it with a piece of paper. On the flip side, I see all the legal rights and benefits that marriage offers to a spouse, and that is something that so many of us need. Many in our community have illness, and I’m not just referring to HIV/AIDS; cancer, diabetes, heart conditions, you name it. We all deserve to have our lover present for our suffering, and to try and sooth it, and make us feel better. After all, if they love us enough to put up with all of our shit, they deserve some federally recognized benefits for that. Can I get an amen up in here?

  

Is it possible to be both a cynic, and a romantic? I believe so. While life experience has mostly shown me that relationships are doomed to fail, my heart believes that they are worth the effort. Despite being heartbroken, scalded, and downright burned by love, I still choose to work towards it. Someday, I may have a full-on wedding of my own. I hope to go into it with a lighter heart, and continuing to work towards its success, rather than waiting for its failure. All I know for sure, is that thanks to SCOTUS, I have that chance in any state that I choose, and that makes me proud to be a part of this county. In the words of RuPaul, “Everybody say Love!”

  

Pride Post-Victory!

-By Bevianna Bones

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It’s a historic day here in the United States. The internet has almost exploded, yet again, with the most awesome of news and spontaneously combusting Christians everywhere. Unless you’ve been hiding this morning, or maybe still asleep, the supreme court has decided, once and for all, that all citizens have the right to marry the one they love. Gay, straight, lesbian couples, whatever. It’s a day to be proud. Not that the collective “we” “won”, but that the progression of civil equality in this country has taken another giant leap forward.  Today we, the people, of the United States of America are on the right side of history.  And that is something to be most proud of.

Check out Hillary Clinton’s new video, Equal, which gives a great snapshot of the journey we have taken.

Equal: https://youtu.be/g2Y9abmNuRw

-BB

Why We Worship – Darren Hayes

  

By Joshie Jaxon

If you already know that name without needing Google, congratulations! You’re my favorite sort of person, and we can be friends. If you know who that is if I were to say, lead singer from Savage Garden, you get a brownie point for already being familiar with his early work. We might hang out, at least once. The rest of you who have no idea of whom I speak, prepare to be educated on an important gay icon. I promise that it’s worth it. 

  

In 1997 Savage Garden was introduced to the world. I’ve been a fan since day one, and had Savage Garden, and Affirmation on cassette. Kids, cassettes are the things that predated CDs. There wasn’t a way to skip to the track you wanted, you had to listen to the whole album, or risk rewinding or fast forwarding too far. The struggle was real. Back to Darren though, there wasn’t a dance in my high school that didn’t have Truly Madly Deeply played. As wonderful as the ballad was, I preferred his uptempo songs, such as To the Moon and Back, I Want You, and Break Me Shake Me. 

  

Affirmation was released in 1999. Once again, a marvelous ballad was delivered, in the form of I Knew I Loved You Before I Met You. To this day, it can still be difficult for me to listen to that song, as a lot of memories are connected to it. The other song that really spoke to me was Crash and Burn. Darren sings, “Let me be the one you call. If you jump, I’ll break your fall. Lift you up, and fly away with you into the night. If you need to fall apart, I can mend your broken heart. If you need to crash, then crash and burn, you’re not alone.” and a crush was born. I didn’t come out until 2000, so as I struggled with accepting who I am, having the ability to replay those lyrics gave me comfort. Even more so when I found out later on that Darren was also gay. 

  

Savage Garden split up, but that didn’t stop the music. 2002 brought us Darren’s first solo album, Spin. That was a very dark year for me personally, but I was able to hear Darren’s new album thanks to a friend. Darren was still making a mark on the world, and Insatiable was a hit from that record. Again, his ballads touch my heart, and are hard to hear sometimes. That’s the untold beauty of Darren’s gift. It sounds as though he’s singing directly to you, and you believe every word, no matter how cheesy it would be if it were simply spoken. Don’t believe me? Listen to his songs with headphones on. Anyhow, it was around this time that I started referring to Darren as “Imaginary boyfriend”, a title he still carries to this day. Oh, imaginary boyfriend has a new CD out. My friends call it sad. Darren called it a restraining order. 

  

I missed out on his next album, The Tension and the Spark. It wasn’t until This Delicate Thing We’ve Made, that I realized what a bad fan I’d been. Fortunately, I was able to acquire both albums. I absolutely love each of them. Tension features a song titled Unlovable. As mentioned, I’d been through dark times in ’02. The lyrics of Unlovable perfectly captured what I’d felt during that year. “You fed your love to me like crumbs to pigeons in the park. Sometimes I think it satisfied to see me begging like a dog”. I knew exactly what Darren was singing about, and again, felt like the song was there an expression of shared pain. Tension started a darker turn in Darren’s lyrics, instead of bubblegum pop. Just like his audience, Darren was finding himself, and his voice. 

  

This Delicate Thing We’ve Made was an epic two disc set. Fabulous songs were in great supply. Waking the Monster, Step Into the Light, Neverland, I Just Want You to Love Me, and what could be considered an anthem, Listen All You People. “There’s a crack in the door, it’s ok to want more, you’ve been dying for years”. As if that weren’t enough, there was a DVD release of the Time Machine Tour. It’s the closest I think I’ll ever get to being able to see Darren perform live. He gives one hell of a show. I still watch it every now and then, even when I’m writing.

  

Darren had a secret album released under the title, We Are Smug. It’s one that had been released for free as a gift to the fans. Since then, it has received a regular commercial release, with bonus tracks. One of my favorite songs is Never be the Same Again. “You can take a broken heart, smash it through a window pane, it’ll break right through, but things will never be the same again”. He speaks to the wounded part of us all. We’ve lived it, and so has he. 

  

Here’s Darren’s video for the It Gets Better Project 
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HhhTir-UQTQ

The last album Darren released was titled Secret Codes and Battleships. Of all of his works, this one speaks to me the most. The heart and soul in this album touches the darkest regions of my icy little heart, and has all but moved me to tears on more than one occasion. Blackout the Sun is in my all time top three Darren tracks. I could listen to it on repeat, and have. “There’s nobody else who can hurt like you hurt me. I don’t want to be lonely”. Powerful stuff. There’s an acoustic version as well, which just makes me fanboy that much more. Darren’s albums have been the soundtrack of my work days, that is, until his recent project came along. 

  

This year, Darren released the He Said He Said Show, a podcast with his friend, Tim Stanton. Those of you who aren’t listening currently, I highly suggest that you do. Darren and Tim genuinely have a great time with one another, and it shines through in each episode. The segments and banter are hilarious. We also get to learn fun facts about Darren. For example, episode one reveals that his mic is statistically average. Giggity! They’ve done challenges, prize giveaways, and are very interactive with their fans. I’ve received several personal replies from Darren on twitter. He’s an absolute delight. 

  
To summarize, Darren has a career that spans from the 90’s to now. There’s no shortage of material for fans, new or old, to enjoy. To those who keep asking about a Savage Garden reunion, let it go. Let it goooo… It isn’t going to happen. He’s moved on and so should you. Right now, Darren is providing weekly entertainment to the ever-growing masses. Personally, I hope that there’s still another album in him, but even if that chapter of his life is done, I’m not disappointed. I’ve been a fan for half my life, and nothing will change that. 

  

The He Said He Said Show is available on iTunes, and Stitcher. 

Savage Garden and Darren Hayes’ music is also available on iTunes. Darren is available on Twitter @DarrenHayes and @HeSaidShow 

Dig it!