The Not So Final, Fantasy, Afterall…


-by Bevianna Bones

The internet is a wonderful thing. I’m surprised it hasn’t broken over the last couple days, what with all the excitement out there. The same day that brought us all tissue filled boxes of rage over the season final of our beloved Game of Thrones, also brought us the most spectacular news the world has ever, ever been told. Bevianna, you say, “Fallout 4 was announced three weeks ago.” Not exactly breaking news anymore, and up until last night, I would agree. So to those, I will say this, “All I ever really wanted was a ballerina Barbie. In her pretty pink tutu…what did they get me? Mali-bu Bar-bie. But that’s not who I was. I was a ballerina. Graceful. Delicate.”


Insert yet another one of my obscure references here. For those of you that get it, congrats for being as full of random shit as I am. For everyone else, maybe we’ll have to make a special segment to identify and explain all of my obscure jokes I lovingly pepper my posts with.

And in this case, I suppose the collective them have finally broken down and listened to the forlorn cries in the dark of a dying planet, in much, much need of heroes and hope. Yes, folks if you haven’t heard, I’m finally getting my ballerina Barbie in the form of a next gen remake of Final Fantasy VII. Squee!

For those who are wondering, Ballerina Barbie is to Final Fantasy VII Remake, as Mali-bu Bar-bie is to all of the other remakes of Kingdom Hearts and FF X/X-2/XIV et cetera that Square has been pumping out at us for some time now.

Of course, the internet being what it is, there are already fanboys out there bitching that they are some how gonna fuck it up. And while there is that small amount of fear that something so reveared will lose part of its hold it has on our hearts, I say this to you, when has anything I’ve ever reveared so much be a huge disappointment?


Well, yeah, there was that…


Oh God’s, I had forgotten about that…


Oh yeah, and that…anyone wonder how it is that she is still working?


Alright, alright I get the point. But in fairness, that Howard bit was to promote the new comics. They wouldn’t dream of remaking my favorite piece of cinematic beauty ever?! Would they? Let’s hope not.

All of those things aside, history does teach us lessons, ans Square Enix has always done a marvelous job on all of their revisions of older properties. I have no fears this time around, and if some of the quells of fear I’ve heard turn out to be true, I’ll always have my 3 discs to pop in my PSX. Or fire up my PSP. Or play it on my Vita. Or play it on my PC, whether it be the PC version, or the emulator. I have save files on them all. 

I don’t think that’s going to happen though, the folks behind the game have as much love and reverence for it as the players do. That’s the key thing that has set it apart from all other games for all these years, is the love and craftsmanship behind it.  Now with the power of the PS4, they can make their original vision of that amazingly captivating universe a reality.

If you haven’t seen the E3 trailer, check out the link below. Oh and by the way, if you haven’t bought a PS4 yet, do it, do it now.

But be warned, I actually cried tears of joy when I saw how beautiful this looks. Grab a box of tissues. Matter of fact, you might have some left from Sunday’s Game of Thrones.


SPOILER ALERT: They killed off another one of your beloved characters…I’m not sure why this surprised anyone at this point.

Anyhow! Off to watch my old school collectors edition of the making of Final Fantasy VII that I got from Squaresoft in the mail almost 20 years ago. Great stuff. And maybe after that, some Chocobo racing and some frolicking at the Gold Saucer. Until next time.


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