Yearly Archives: 2015

Garfield’s Halloween Adventure

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By Joshie Jaxon 

Trick or treat, geek fans! This is one of my favorite times of the year. It’s not so damn hot, and candy is readily available everywhere. Ok, it’s available year-round, but Halloween specials aren’t. Neither is the chance to dress up and have fun as an adult. Granted, I have fun all year, but I’m one if those weird people your parents warned you about as a kid. Anyhow, today’s post, if you couldn’t tell from the title, will be on Garfield’s Halloween special, which is now 30 years old. Normally I’d lament about feeling old, but I’m high on Garfield and candy, candy, candy, candy! Let the geeks begin! 

We open on casa de kitty, where our titular feline, Garfield, is sleeping. There’s a test pattern on the tv. Kids, a test pattern is what they would put up when the station ended broadcasting for the day. Yes, television didn’t used to be the 24/7 500+ channel event it is today. The station begins it’s programming, and Binky the Clown wakes Garfield with his signature, Heeeeeey, kids! Time for jumping jacks with Binky! If you don’t exercise, you’ll grow up to be worthless! I hate you Binky! Then Binky calls us all losers. How did this clown get a show? Garfield shuts him off, but realizes that Binky had just said something about candy, and struggles through all five channels to find him again. Yes, five whole channels. The horror! Cue the opening song as Garfield dances around the house to the credits, before returning to bed. He loves Halloween. No pine needles in his paws. No dumb bunnies. No fireworks. No relatives. Just candy. 

  

Garfield wakes later to properly greet the day. He’s excited for all the candy, candy, candy, candy! Steady yourself, Garfield. First, you need a costume. Then you’ve gotta get a sack for all that candy, candy, candy, candy! Easy, boy. Garfield walks to the kitchen with his blanket over him. Jon is busy scooping seeds, after having carved a pumpkin. Garfield scares the bejesus out of him, and the pumpkin winds up on his head. Jon asks why he can’t stay mad at him. The answer is, “cause I’m a cat”. Truer words were never spoken. Jon says the pumpkin is ruined, and pulls it off his head. It promptly lands on Odie’s. Garfield mistakes pumpkin glop for lasagna and has a bite. Jon tells him what he ate, and he spits it out, and drops the bowl on the floor. Cats really are jerks. Jon offers him a proper breakfast. Garfield leaves. Then comes back for the sweet roll. Then the bacon and croissant. Then he just takes the whole damn tray. Good kitty. Cut to pumpkin Odie drinking from his dish. Blanket Garfield tries to scare him too, but instead he gets scared by the pumpkin-headed dog. He tells Odie that it’s not nice to scare people. Then he breaks into his stand up routine. Odie is so dumb, he’d have to stand on a chair to raise his IQ. He’s ugly too, it would take two of him to get any uglier. He’s so ugly, he wouldn’t need a mask to go trick of treating. Wait! If he takes Odie with him, then he can have two sacks of candy, candy, candy! Garfield, you’re a genius. He tells Odie that Halloween is a night where dogs help cats get candy, and if they do a good job, they get a piece of candy for themselves. He gets Odie worked up like he’s about to throw a tennis ball, while on a car ride. First things first, costumes. To the attic! Garfield breaks the fourth wall to tell us there are times he actually loves that dog. 

  

Attic of Jon’s future Hoarder’s episode. Garfield opens a box to find Jon’s bow tie, sunglasses, cousin Wanda’s wig, aunt Orpha’s false teeth, Roy Ogle’s root, string, sealing wax, all being tossed at Odie. Garfield turns to see him covered in everything, and jumps. Odie doesn’t look half bad. Garfield makes him take it off, and they continue their search. He finds the mother load in a trunk. Time for a musical number. What’ll I be? There’s so many sides to me. I know the feeling, kitty. So many sides of ourselves that we want to express, so few opportunities to do so. At the end of the song, Garfield says he has the perfect costumes for them. Cut to Garfield walking to the kitchen dressed as a pirate, complete with peg leg. Garfield stabs Jon’s lasagna, and claims it for himself. Odie appears with four peg legs, and Garfield removes them. Jon says they look ridiculous. Garfield says he’s killed for less than that, but let’s Jon live, as he’s the only one who changes the kitty litter. You’d think with as anthropomorphized as he is, Garfield could use and flush a toilet. Jon gives Garfield & Odie each a sack, and tells them not to be out late. Jim Davis has a very blurred line on their reality. 

  

Without “parental” escort, Garfield and Odie venture out into the night. Garfield sings a piratey song as they travel. Odie invades his personal space, cause he’s scared. Garfield tells him that it’s just kids like them that are out trick or treating, and that there’s nothing to be afraid of. He pulls the mask off of one to prove it. Garfield starts in on a song about not being a scaredy cat. To punctuate that line, he lifts a mask or costume, sees something scary, screams, and runs around it a few times before taking off. It’s worth pointing out that all of these kids are his size. Even on hind legs, Garfield can’t be more than two feet tall. Kids that size shouldn’t be out on Halloween alone, even if it is the 80’s. Anyhow, they reach the first house, and knock. Garfield says, gimme. The lady says you kids look great, and gives them each one piece of candy. How stupid are people in this universe? Clearly they’re a cat and dog in costume. Garfield points his wooden sword at her, and says if she’s not generous, he’ll go after her drapes. Several more pieces of candy fly at them. Again, cat and dog. No speaky English out loud. In print, Garfield speaks in thought bubbles we can read. No person in-universe should be able to understand him. Yes, that’s where I draw the line for my suspension of disbelief. Thank you for listening. Where was I? Oh yes, montage of Garfield and Odie getting lots of candy. 

  

Garfield says they should go across the river and try those houses. Then he wonders if he’s being too greedy, and missing the spirit of Halloween. Nah! Odie just shakes his head. The two take a rowboat, and try to cross the river. Not rowing at all, they’re at the mercy of the current. Garfield tells Odie to put out the oars, and Odie, being a literal dog, puts them in the river. Garfield says he’d walk the plank, if he had one. He laments being a pirate, and says when he gets back to land, he’s giving it up to just be a normal house cat. Odie interrupts his wallowing to point out an island. There’s a spooky looking mansion, and then the thunder claps. Another fourth wall break to say, nice touch. They leave their sacks in the boat, and go peek in the window. There’s a fire going, and Garfield suggests they investigate. He tries to kick the door open first. Um, he was just commenting someone probably lives there, now he’s kicking in their door? Bad kitty! Oh wait, he failed. The door creeks open, and without moving beyond the doorway, Garfield concludes the place is deserted. Then who lit the fire, eh, tough cat? The duo decide to warm themselves by said fire. Garfield turns, and there’s an old man in the chair! They’re so frightened, even the skull on the pirate hat screams. 

  

Garfield and Odie grab one another as the old man tells them to calm down, lest their carrying on stops his old heart. He tells them they picked a bad night to visit, and this could be the worst night of their lives. What he’s about to tell them has never been told to another living soul. Garfield says it’s a catchy beginning. The old man says the island holds a dark, 100 year old secret. That island is where a group of pirates buried their treasure. They had signed a contract, written in blood, vowing to return for the treasure 100 years later, Halloween night, at the stroke of midnight, even if it meant returning from the grave. Thunder claps. Garfield doesn’t believe it. The old man says to believe. The pirates had a ten year old cabin boy. HE was that cabin boy. He never took the treasure. They’d find him. They know who they are, and that they’re in the house. Garfield says he’s ready to leave. He turns to ask the old man if he wants to come too, but he’s gone. They go to the door to see him rowing away. Rats! There goes the boat! Rats! There goes the candy! My boat’s gone. My candy’s gone. Dead pirates are coming any minute. It’s past my bedtime. I wanna go home. I love that cat. 

  

Midnight tolls on the grandfather clock. Garfield and Odie run back to the front door, and see a ghostly ship approaching the island. Chalky ghost pirates rise from the water and head towards the house. Garfield says they need to hide, since “they know where we are”. Good plan. Odie tries to hide in flowers. Garfield makes them hide in a cupboard. The ghost pirates enter the house, and circle the floor, before going under it. The floor cracks, and the treasure appears. The floor is then magically restored. Odie sneezes, and they’re discovered by one of the ghosts. 

  

They flee, and reach the dock. With their boat gone, Garfield says they have to swim for it, and they both dive. Then he remembers that he can’t swim. Garfield goes down, and his hat stays afloat. Odie swims over to it, and looks inside for Garfield before tossing it away. Stupid dog. Then we see Garfield trying to grab a branch to stop himself, but it breaks. Maybe he should cut down in the lasagna. Odie dives down and retrieves the poor kitty from the water. They reach the shore, and Garfield takes Odie by the paw and says he owes him one. The old man was right. It was the worst night of his life. He’s had nightmares that look like birthday parties compared to it. They begin to walk off, and see the boat, complete with candy. Garfield comments that the pirates can have the treasure, he wants the candy, candy, candy, candy. 

  

Back at home, Garfield says he’s going to do something out of character. Since Odie saved his life 18 zillion times, Garfield is going to give him something of personal worth, and sacrifice on his part, his own half of the candy. Odie barks in appreciation. Yeah, yeah, I love you too, now go away. A cat after my own heart. Garfield says he’s wired, and turns on the tv. There the old man, in Garfield’s pirate hat, saying it’s time for a pirate movie festival. Garfield decides he’s actually tired, grabs his bear, Pookie, pulls the blanket over him, and goes to sleep. Credits. 

That’s just as good as I remember it from back in the day. That’s why I make it an annual viewing staple; even before the great pumpkin. Don’t worry, that one’s coming up. Until next tomb, slay geeky, and keep candy, candy, candy, candy! 

  

TCG Tuesday – Yugioh, Duel Field and Turn Basics

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By Joshie Jaxon 

Greetings, duel fans! Joshie Jaxon here to give you the basics on the duel field itself, as well as the basics of what to do on each of your turns. Let the geeks begin! 

The new duel mats with the pendulum zones on them have made it idiot proof. While I don’t find even the most inexperienced duelists to be idiots, it seems the card people do. Rather than trying to dumb people down, they should trust that people are capable of learning what to do and when. Helps with that duelist pride. Even episode 1 Joey Wheeler knew what to do. Granted, I’m sure the pharaoh helped beat those lessons into him. Don’t get me started on early Yuma, didn’t know what a tribute summon was, but he still knew when to draw, play, and attack. Anyhow, the duel mat has a total of seven zones; Monster (5), Spell/Trap (5), Deck, Graveyard, Field, Extra, and Pendulum.

The deck and extra deck zones are set at the beginning of the duel, as are your 8000 Life Points (LP). At the start of the duel, you draw 5 cards from the deck, then on each of your turns, you will draw 1 card from your deck and add it to your hand. Followed by the standby phase. Simple enough so far, right? 

  

Next, during your Main Phase 1 (MP1) is when you can begin to set up your field. You’re allowed to normal summon or set one monster per turn. I covered special summoning in an earlier post, so I won’t really get into it here. To summon a monster you would place it upright and face up on the field, in one of your Monster Zones, and you would base it’s strength on it’s ATK points. If you choose to play defense, you would place the monster sideways, generally face down, and use it’s DEF points when doing battle. More on that in a second. During MP1 you can also play any spell cards, or set any traps in your hand, in your Spell/Trap Zone. Spells can be played right away, while traps have to be set at least through the end phase of the turn you set them before they can be activated. If it’s the very first turn of the duel, you can’t attack, even if you have an attack position monster. You have to give your opponent a chance to play something to defend themselves. Much like the old days, dueling is about honor. 

Pretending it isn’t the first turn, after your MP1, you can enter the Battle Phase (BP). You can use your attack position monsters to attack your opponent’s monsters. What happens next depends on the mode your opponent’s monster is in. If both monsters are in attack mode, then the one with the higher ATK wins, and the difference is dealt as damage to your opponent’s LP. If you attack a monster in defense mode, it’s turned face up, and one of two things will happen. Should your monster have higher ATK than your opponent’s DEF, their monster is destroyed, but their LP don’t take any damage. However, if their DEF is higher than your ATK, you will take the difference as damage, and their monster won’t be destroyed. After damage is calculated, you can attack with any other attack position monsters you have. If your opponent doesn’t have any monsters to defend themselves, you’re allowed to attack their LP directly. 
  

Upon the conclusion of the Battle Phase, you enter Main Phase 2 (MP2). If you didn’t normal summon a monster during MP1, you’re allowed to do so during this phase. You can also set any other spell or trap cards. After you’ve completed MP2, comes the End Phase. Simply put, you end your turn, and your opponent’s turn begins. 

As for the other zones: the Graveyard is used for monsters that have been destroyed by battle, and spell/trap cards that have been activated. The Field Zone is where you can set any field spells you play during your MP1/MP2. Each player is allowed to have a field spell in play, and both are allowed the benefits of each card. The Extra Zone is where you keep your Fusion/Synchro/Xyz monsters, until they’re ready to be summoned. It’s also where your destroyed pendulum monsters go, instead of the graveyard. 

Finally, the Pendulum Zone is where you can play your pendulum monsters as spells, in order to set the pendulum scale for pendulum summoning. I’ll be covering those in our premier duel tutorial on YouTube. Believe me, it’s gonna be epic. For now, enjoy my rainbow card sleeves and the demo field I set up for you, dear readers. Until next time, stay geeky, and keep dueling! 
  

Pride Post – Coming Out

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By Joshie Jaxon 

I’m coming out! I want the world to know! Got to let it show! I am beyond overjoyed that we live in the world we live in. People are able to be their authentic selves, and don’t have to hide for fear of what society may think of them. That isn’t to say that we still don’t still have quite a ways to go, but I know that this forward momentum isn’t going to stop. We’re all going to be celebrated, rather than shunned. I sincerely hope that in my lifetime I’ll see it reach a point where no one has to come out, and that people won’t bat at an eye at sexuality. That wasn’t always the case. In honor of National Coming Out Day, allow me to share my story with you. 

Born and raised in Utah, the religious right pretty much has it’s hand in all things that take place in my state. Growing up, I always knew that I was different, but I didn’t know it had a name. Before the onset of puberty, I’d had a friend that I used to experiment with. It would be considered sexual in nature, but as neither of us had reached sexual maturity, it was more playtime than anything else. I knew that my penis got hard, and that touching it while it was like that felt good. Nothing ever came of it though. Pun intended. As I grew up and hit middle school, at least in some part of my mind I knew I was attracted to guys. In gym class I had caught a glimpse of peen through the opening in a guys boxer shorts, and the image burned into my brain. I also knew not to stare, or anything beyond the glance I had. Perhaps it was a built in sense of self preservation. Maybe it was manners about being told it’s impolite to stare. Either way, one thing was clear, I’d liked what I’d seen. 

High school came, and my social life dwindled. I was a game and comic nerd, and never had friends over. I was active in the church, and thanks to their oh so enlightened teachings, I spent most of those years feeling guilty for touching myself, and praying that the things I was feeling would go away. I was miserable through high school, and just wanted it over. That pseudo-societal structure isn’t a nurturing place for anyone that’s different. As much as I enjoyed some of my classes and friends, high school is a place I would never want to revisit. I’d had jobs through high school, and on my very first one when I was only 15, I’d been asked if I was gay. When I said no, I was told I should work on my mannerisms. At the job I had as a senior, I was called mariposa, and also told that the translation of my name into Tongan, I later found out, was the equivalent of faggot. Graduation was a happy occasion, as it meant I didn’t have to go through that daily torture. 

At 18, I knew who I was, but I wasn’t ready to accept it yet. Despite having looked at gay porn online, I couldn’t bring myself to admit who I was. It was especially fun when my mom had discovered my browser history, and point blank asked me if I was gay. Naturally, I told her no. She asked if I were if I would tell her. I said yes. My mom and I were always close, still are, but I didn’t have my dad or brothers in my life at that point, and didn’t really have a male figure I felt comfortable discussing such things with. As my 19th birthday drew near, I knew I had to accept myself, as I could no longer deny who I was and who I was attracted to. There was an out gay man at a job I started, and I would talk to him on occasion. I’m sure he didn’t want to hold my hand through the coming out process, but he was at least polite. I began writing in a notebook, trying to capture my feelings in a way I could articulate them. I’m much better on paper than I am a speaker. Most people who talk to me think I’m an asshole. Those who write with me think I’m a sweetheart. I’m both, but that’s neither here or there. 

  

Those of you not in Utah, or are non-LDS, may not know that when guys turn 19, they are expected to go serve a mission. It amounts to living with several other men, away from home, and trying to convert people over to the church. The living with guys part sounded fun, but there was no way I could serve a god whose teachings I no longer believed in, as they conflicted with who I was as a person. I decided to use the time most were using to prepare for a mission, to prepare to come out. I started with my high school girlfriend, as she had always called me a closet case even when we were dating. We went to dinner and a movie, and I told her she’d been right. Her reaction was an excited, “I knew it!”. Before I could tell mom, I told my sister. I needed a family member on my side in case things got bad. She was thrilled, and said we could look for guys together. The way I told my mom, was that I had her read some of the things I’d been writing. She cried, as I think most moms do, and was a little offended that I’d thought she would throw me out. Better to plan for the worst, and hope for the best. Despite what all the books said, it wasn’t turning into a negative experience. 

That is, of course, until my bishop wanted to meet with me. I asked my mom why, and she said because of my age he probably wanted to talk about my potential mission. I figured there was no harm in letting him talk, and we went out for ice cream. The talk was casual, and unrelated to anything at all. It was just a friendly outing. When he dropped me off, he said, “so, your mom tells me you think you’re gay”. I cursed her name in my head, and told him no, I was gay. I then had to endure roughly half an hour of religious nonsense, most of which I tuned out. When I went into the house, I told my mother to never do that to me again. She knew full well I was going into an ambush, and didn’t give me the heads up. We’ve since resolved things, and no one in my immediate family is a member of the church, so it all worked out. My aunts, and grandma were far more openly accepting, and have been for all these years. 

Next month will mark 15 years that I’ve been out of the closet, and while it feels like a lifetime ago, it also seems like it just blinked by. I’m proud of the person I’ve come, and look forward to seeing the person I’ll be. I encourage everyone to live their truth, whatever it may be, as long as it doesn’t harm anyone. Do right by you. You have to take care of yourself. As I’ve stated in prior Pride Posts, you are beautiful and deserve to have a place in this world. I hope that my journey may help you on yours, and that you have the love and support that every person deserves. Life is made up of moments, and they should be spent being the incredible person that you are. Accept yourself. Love yourself. It gets better when you do. All my love to you, whoever you are, and however you identify. Until next time, stay strong, and keep gabbing. 
  

Monster Cereals 2015 – Boo Berry

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By Joshie Jaxon

Greetings, geek fans! Time to tackle the last of the monster cereals, Boo Berry. Boo Berry is a ghost, who for some reason is able to wear a hat and bow tie. I can’t imagine why a ghost needs clothes, but as this is a cereal mascot, I don’t think I’ll devote too much time to solving the mystery. Let the geeks begin! 

For the final time, let’s start with the box. Unlike the other two, I somehow got a different version. There’s no, “we’re alive!”, which is good, since not a single one of them is a living thing. On the normal box, Boo Berry castle is basic. Strictly moonlight and nothing else. I like that minimalist look. Granted, it is still just a blue pallet swap of the others. I’ll take what I can get at this point. 

Now, on to the cereal. The cereal pieces are berry flavored ghosts. The marshmallows are bats and such. The cereal itself reminds me of Berry Kix. I used to love that cereal. Finally got used to a non-frosted cereal with marshmallows. Similar to Chocula, and Frankenberry, it was like a berry version of Lucky Charms. Can’t decide if this one, or Frankenberry was my favorite of the three. I just know that Chocula was the bottom. I asked Frankenberry. He confirmed it. 

My overall impression – It did get the milk nice and berry flavored, and turned it purple. Again, a fun trip down memory lane. Glad the season of this cereal is over. I think I’ll be good on this for a while. Until next time, stay geeky, and keep gabbing! 

  

Monster Cereals 2015 – Frankenberry

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By Joshie Jaxon

Greetings, geek fans! Time to tackle the second of the monster cereals. Frankenberry always seemed gay to me, but maybe that’s the goggles to keep the “milk” out of his eyes, the overly pink attire and coloring, he’s like a cereal version of Snagglepuss. Let the geeks begin! 

Let’s start with the box, it says “we’re alive”. I know the main part of the Frankenstein story is, “it’s alive!”, but he’s still made from various corpses. Not exactly something you want to think of before eating. Luckily, he’s pink and looks cute. Frankenberry went and got his nails did; they look like strawberries, complete with seeds and stem. He went to the good salon in Transylvanian Korean town. His castle is in the background as is the full moon. Unlike Chocula’s, Frankenberry has lightning striking the castle. Gotta change it up. If it were just a pallet swap that wouldn’t be nearly as fun.

Now, on to the cereal. The cereal pieces are strawberry ghosts. The marshmallows are bats and such. Still not used to a non-frosted cereal to have marshmallows. The initial bite gave me a taste I can’t quite articulate, which is probably why I’m a retro blogger and not a food one. It was good. Can’t say if I equated it to strawberry cause that was the actual taste, or what my brain told me it should be. Similar to Chocula, it was like a strawberry version of Lucky Charms. 

My overall impression – It did get the milk strawberry-y, it was better than Chocula, which I find odd, cause I’m a chocoholic. I enjoyed the character of Frankenberry most as a kid. Again, a fun trip down memory lane. I’m looking forward to what the last monster, Boo Berry has to offer. Until next time, stay geeky, and keep gabbing! 

  

Monster Cereals 2015 – Count Chocula 

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By Joshie Jaxon

Greetings, geek fans. October is here, as is pumpkin everything, but one of the seemingly overlooked items for this time of year is the temporary return of the monster cereals. I see them every year, but it’s been a good twenty since I’ve actually eaten them. Refusing to put myself into a diabetic coma by eating all three in one sitting, I’ll tackle these monsters one at a time. Let the geeks begin! 

Let’s start with the box, it says “we’re alive”. Last I checked, vampires, even cereal vampires, weren’t alive. If that weren’t bad enough, instead of fangs, Chocula has buck teeth. Brown hair, eyes, and outfit, girl is coordinated. His castle is in the background as are flying bats, and a full moon. As far as Halloween themes go, they’ve covered all the major points. 

Now, on to the cereal. The cereal pieces are chocolate ghosts. The marshmallows are bats and such. Aside from Lucky Charms, I’m not used to cereal with marshmallows in it. It seems odd to be eating a chocolate cereal with marshmallow bits, but I’m dedicated to entertaining you. The initial bite gave me Cocoa Crispies and Coco Puff flashbacks. Then I got a bite with marshmallow too. It was like a chocolaty version of Lucky Charms. 

My overall impression – It didn’t get the milk super chocolaty, it wasn’t the best tasting cereal I’ve ever had, and believe me, I’ve had a LOT of cereal in my life. It was a fun trip down memory lane, but I had a better flavor experience with the recent return of French Toast Crunch. I’m still excited, albeit a little hesitant to see what the other two monsters have to offer. Until next time, stay geeky, and keep gabbing!