Greetings, geek fans. It’s been a while since I’ve done a more personal piece, and almost nothing is more personal than today’s subject matter. I’m here today to talk about that bulge in our pants; specifically, our low hangers. Unless it’s cold, we’ve been in the pool, are nervous, scared, there’s a breeze, or any other number of things that cause them to retract. That’s right, I’m gonna talk about my balls, and I encourage you to do the same. Either about mine, or your own. Up to you. The goal is education, entertainment, and to get the conversation started. Fair warning, there will be more “adult” level pictures than I usually post.
Now, unless they haven’t dropped yet, and if that’s the case what are you doing reading my inappropriate posts, odds are that you’ve touched and played with yourself at least once. I’m betting that you all have, as penises are one of nature’s greatest gifts, and should be appreciated often. How often is up to you, your access to lotion/lubricant, and your threshold for chaffing. That being said, we all touch ourselves for pleasure and release. That’s just the basic biology of male plumbing. If you don’t release your scrotum’s contents on your own, your body will do it for you, most likely at night. Whether you sleep in jammies or not, either way you’ll have a mess to clean up. Back to touching yourself. No, don’t click for some porn and stop reading! I’m not done yet. That sounds dirtier than intended. Eh, what else is new.
There’s an issue that can affect any of us, and is easily preventable, well, treatable may be more accurate, but is hardly ever talked about in conversations. I get it, talking about your boys is intimate, and if there’s a potential problem, it can be scary as well. It is difficult admitting that our prized equipment could have a problem, especially if that problem could be testicular cancer. The key factor here is early detection and treatment. As I stated earlier, and probably will again, we all touch ourselves on a regular basis. It’s time to add another level to that. No, I’m not talking cockrings. It’s time to start fondling your sack for more than just fun. It’s easiest when your nethers are warm, and your scrotum is loose. During or after a warm to hot shower is good, as is virtually any summer day. Winter causes shrinkage, but with the miracle of modern heating devices, you shouldn’t have too much trouble.
Now for the technicalities. Cup your balls in your hand. You’ve had them for life, you already know how they hang. Get a sense of the weight, and how they normally feel on their own. They have space to move around in there, so you’ll want to focus on one at a time. Roll each testicle between your thumb and fingers. It’s normal to feel the epididymis and vas deferens, they are what cause there to be sperm in your cum. What you’re looking for, well, checking to make sure isn’t there, are any lumps or irregularities than what you’re used to feeling down there. Anything that may be on the testicle itself, could be cause for concern, but you’d want to check with your doctor, or healthcare provider. There was a clip I saw online, thanks to a link I found from the charity, Balls to Cancer / @ballstocancer that really is one of the best I’ve seen on the subject, and I’m including it here for you to watch.
Let me share a little or two story of my own. Like any gay man, I watch Queer as Folk. In fact, I remember when it was brand spanking new. Now, even though it’s been off the air for a decade, I’m still gonna call spoilers. There’s a arc in a later season where Brian is getting a BJ in the back room of Babylon. Afterwards, the guy says he wants Brian to see him again. Brian says no. The guy explains that he’s a doctor, and he felt a lump on Brian’s testicle. Brian goes in, discovers he does have cancer, and begins treatment. Not the way you want an anonymous blowjob to end, but still, good thing he found out when he did. After watching that season a few years ago, I decided I needed to be more diligent, and checked myself after a shower. A discovered a rather significant lump, that was definitely not one of my testicles. I wrote a short story on it, but in order to detach myself from the emotion of it, I told it in a third person perspective. I know it happened to me, but I didn’t want to own and re-live what I went through during that period. I’ll include the story at the bottom of this post so that you can read it on your own. Second spoiler alert, I’m fine. Your Joshie will be around as long as he can to share the twisted contents of his head. Dunno why I did that one as third person too. Maybe I’m a tad too disconnected from things. That’s an issue for a later day.
The second story I’m going to share is a recent one. A friend of mine had been complaining about a pain in his sac. He said it felt like he’d been kicked in the balls, but he knew he hadn’t been. He knew about the scare I’d had, and that I try to stay educated on such matters. He said he might have me check, but he wasn’t ready to face the potential reality. A couple days later, I asked if he still wanted me to check things out for him. He said sure, stood, and lowered his pants enough to expose his equipment. He isolated the one he wanted me to check. I sat on a chair, and took his ball in my hand. It sounds like the start of some kind of male nurse porn fantasy, but trust me, when you’re on the receiving end of such a fondling, there’s nothing sexy about it. I relaxed my eyes, and relied on my fingertips to relay what information I needed. Sure enough, there was a small, hard, lump on the testicle. I asked if that’s that he’s been feeling, and he said yes. I had him feel mine as well, so he had a comparison. As it stands now, he’s waiting to go in to see his doctor, and find out what it is.
I know that I’m usually here strictly in an entertainment capacity, but this is a subject I feel very strongly about. It wouldn’t matter if me or my friend had been straight; if anyone needed me to check and confirm something in their danglers, I’d do it. Obviously I’m no medical professional, but I’ve got a good idea of what should feel normal down there. Male anatomy is a subject I’ve been interested in since I first explored mine. Yes, for sexy purposes, but it’s also good to check the manual on something you’d like to stay in working order for years to come. Do your research. Talk to friends or family. Just get the conversation started. In short, fellas, check your fellas. A minute a month could save your life. Until next time, stay geeky, and keep fondling!
He’d found it while he was in the shower, and when he did, his heart stopped. There was no mistaking it, it was a lump. His right seemed fine, his left was another matter. A cautious man by nature, after toweling off, he took to the internet to see what it could mean. Sadly, the websites all said virtually the same thing; if there was a lump in that area, it was most likely cancer
His mind raced as several possible futures ran through it. He tried to tell himself that he would be fine, but even he didn’t believe it. That night, he tried to sleep, but it didn’t come. He sat in the darkness, and once again researched what could happen. Worst case scenario, lefty would have to be removed. As the man pondered what that would mean to his sex life, the website stated that there would be little to no impact. It provided little comfort. As 4 a.m. approach, he looked up the number for his physician. He would call first thing in the morning, which was only a few hours away.
When he called the office to set the appointment, the person on the other end asked what it was for. “I believe that I found a lump.” he explained. The man was given an appointment for the end of the day, and was told that they would call if there was a cancelation earlier in the day. Now all the man had to do was get through work.
First thing he told his boss when he got in was that he had to leave early. She asked what for, and for the second time in an hour, he said it aloud. This time was more real somehow. It was as if once a person that he knew was let in on it, there was no way to take it back. Once approval was granted, time slowed to a halt. As much as he wanted answers, he dreaded them at the same time. It didn’t take long for the man to worry himself sick.
Finally the end of the work day arrived. Music was little help on the drive to the doctor’s office. With only one other patient, he didn’t spend too much time in the waiting room, and was finally was called back. The nurse was polite and friendly. Under normal circumstances, the man would have been more sociable. As it was, he was tired and a little light headed. He hadn’t really eaten during the entire day.
Twenty nerve wracking minutes later, the doctor arrived. The man had the brief thought that he was cute, but it quickly went away. The doctor asked if there was a history of cancer in the man’s family. The man shook his head. There was none that he was aware of, but then again, he’d only known his father for the past four years, and this sort of thing just hadn’t come up. The doctor put on his gloves, and asked the man to remove his pants. He joked that this would be more uncomfortable for the man than it would be for him, since he did this sort of thing all the time. If the man hadn’t been as afraid as he was, he’d have remarked that he wasn’t that unfamiliar with being touched by men. In spite of the cute doctor touching and rubbing his lower regions, the man didn’t get any pleasure from it. The websites had said that an erection wasn’t uncommon, and not to be embarrassed. With as preoccupied as the man was, he didn’t get beyond half mast. Fear had overridden his body’s natural reactions.
Gloves came off, and pants came up. The doctor felt certain that what he’d felt wasn’t cancer. Still, he wanted an ultrasound, just to be sure. An appointment was made for the next morning. The man was assured that as soon as the doctor had the results, that he would be contacted. The doctor told the man to try and not lose any more sleep over it. The man nodded in agreement, but knew that it would still be another restless night.
When he got to his car, the man called his father. He asked about a possible family history of the disease. His father said no, and asked the reason for the inquiry. The man explained what had happened, and where he’d just been. His father told him that he had something similar on his own lefty, and asked that he be told when the man had his results, in case he needed to get his own looked at. On his drive home, the skies opened up, and rain poured angrily down on the earth. It was as if the heavens themselves were venting the man’s feelings, since he was still too numb to do it himself. He managed to get to sleep by 2 a.m., but knowing that a call would be coming in the morning, it was anything but peaceful
The nurse called and let him know when he would be able to come in. Unfortunately for the man, it was in the middle of his work day, not before as he had hoped. The man made it to work nearly an hour early, so that he could discuss the possibly of having a few hours off during his shift. Luckily for the man, there was time available in the schedule, and he didn’t have to decide between his job and his health. He managed to eat a small muffin, but still didn’t have much of an appetite.
It was a beautiful day outside, but the man wasn’t able to enjoy it. As he drove, his mind was still filled with thoughts of the impending exam, and its potential impact on his life. The doctor had told him it that the results would be given the same day as the exam. The man saw good and bad things in that. At least he would know. Whatever the outcome, he would at least have the answer.
The technician called him back, and took him to a small room. She instructed him to strip from the waist down except for socks, she joked, and then to lie down on the table and cover himself with the provided sheet. For the second time in as many days, some strange person was going to be touching him. This time is was a woman. The man laughed slightly in his head. The last time a girl had seen what was in his pants, he had still been a child. The man waited anxiously for her to return. The nerves of being naked on a table with only a sheet protecting him would have been a turn on under normal circumstances. His body started to react to the thought, but the technician entered, and his fear came with her. This was it.
She explained what she was going to be doing, as she pulled back the sheet, taking care to only expose the pair that she needed to exam, but not the rest of him. The man expected the gel to be cold, which wouldn’t help the area she was going to be working on, but it was room temperature. There was a giant monitor on the wall in the man’s field of vision. Seconds later he was seeing inside himself. The technician was friendly, but professional. She explained what she was seeing, and why she was checking from the angles that she was. The man found the whole experience to be surreal. Naked and exposed, he was having a conversation with a woman as her instrument was making pass after pass over his dangly bits. Even with the activity in that area, the bit that was covered didn’t stir at all. It was as if it too, was concerned about the fate of its companions.
A dark mass appeared on the screen, and after having looked at what should be normal, the man knew that it was something out of the ordinary. He felt his heart rate elevate. The technician looked him in the eye as she explained that it was most likely fluid, and not to worry about anything. Easy for her to say, he thought to himself. She moved to the right, since that was the one he had said was normal. After a minute or two there was another dark mass, this one significantly smaller than the one that had been found on the left. She explained that it was a small cyst, and not to be concerned, as they were fairly common in men of his age. She took another pass over both of them, and showed the man how it appeared that he just had a bit of fluid, but that the radiologist would need to look at everything to be sure.
The technician told him that he was alright to wipe off the gel, and to get dressed. Alone, with the door closed, he removed the sheet. Again, the inappropriate thought of anyone being able to walk in on him before he was dressed gave the man a brief thought of excitement. He shook it off, and continued to put his clothes on. He wasn’t out of the woods yet, and wasn’t able to entertain any other thoughts until he knew what the radiologist thought of what he’d seen.
The man was shown to a small waiting area, and was told that he could watch TV while the radiologist examined his file. He left it turned off. He was so close to answers, that he couldn’t allow himself any level of distraction. Whatever was going to happen in the next few moments was going to impact his life. The man remembered that it is always better to hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. In his mind, he tried to imagine having an actual surgery. He couldn’t do it. That was one thought that was too intense to think of without a diagnosis to back it up. He could hear the radiologist and the technician talking, but couldn’t make out what was said. A few minutes later, she joined him in the waiting area. She was smiling. The man took it as a good sign. The technician confirmed that it had been an epididymal cyst on the left. It was non-lethal, and didn’t need to be removed, unless it grew and started to crowd the area’s natural inhabitant, or caused pain. There was no trace of cancer, and the man was going to be fine. The man had to ask her to repeat it, as it had not been the answer he was expecting. He wanted to hear it again, before he would be relieved. She gave him the good news once more, and told him he was free to go.
The man wasn’t as excited as he thought he would be, and he wasn’t sure why. Perhaps he had spent too much time in his own head, rather than relaxing and waiting for evidence before stressing himself out. Either way, he was looking forward to calling his father and giving him the good news. A bright future loomed on the horizon, and he was going to be a part of it.