By Joshie Jaxon
Greetings, geek fans! We’re less than a week away from X-Mas, and I’m giving you your gifts early. Rather than reviewing my three favorite versions of A Christmas Carol, I’m going to rate one of the main characters each day, and then give my overall review at the end. I’m hoping this will be a fun format for ya, so if it isn’t, you’ll just have to put up with me the rest of the week. Be glad I got a weeks worth of material done. Today I cover Marley. Have we noticed the two work people Scrooge likes are Bob/Marley? If his money had been green, I’d have a theory starting. At any rate, let the geeks begin!
Diva’s Christmas Carol –
Sadly, the Marley at number three is also from Diva’s. This time it’s actually Marli Jacob. Chilli from TLC plays this version of Marley. Like the others, she was in business with Ebony. However, as part of a girl group, she didn’t exactly rob widows and swindle the poor. Marli did get involved in drugs and alcohol, like you do, and ended up wrecking her car and taking two innocents with her. She tells Ebony that the chains she wears could be Ebony’s as well. Though how Ebony is supposed to relate is beyond me. Don’t get me wrong, I love this movie, but having a Kiki with your girl isn’t exactly spelling out, be better than I was or you’ll end up like me now. I mean, as long Ebony doesn’t kill two innocents, isn’t she already ahead? Granted, Marli does warn that there’s no facials, no makeup, and you break your nails every day. Guess you gotta play to your audience, but “don’t be a bitch or you’ll go to hell” is lost in Marli’s message. On the plus side, by the end we do get to see that Marli is free from chains, and it able to ascend to heaven. Guess that’s what happens when you were the good one who just happened to die, even though you killed two people. See? Not exactly a reason to be in chains. Oh well. Her scenes were entertaining, if not a little flimsy in premise. Let’s move on.
Mickey’s Christmas Carol –
Goofy may seem like an odd choice for Scrooge’s friend and partner, and you’d be right. As a ghost, he’s still played for comedy, and it calls into question how he and Scrooge would’ve been friends in life. Goofy gets a pratfall on Scrooge’s cane, but once he’s in front of him, he does his job, and explains how he managed to get the chains he wears. As he reminds Scrooge how he used to swindle the poor, Scrooge said he had real class. For a moment, Goofy forgets that’s bad, and looks proud, then remembers that’s wrong. He warns Scrooge how he has to carry his chains for eternity, and if he’s not careful, Scrooge’s chains could be heavier than his. As he leaves, he takes care not to step on the cane again. Scrooge calls out for him to watch the first step, but we hear Goofy fall with his trademark yell when he does. Not exactly spooky, but it keeps me entertained. None of the Marley’s are shaping up to be imposing figures, are they?
Muppet Christmas Carol –
I know it’s starting to seem like I’m favoring the Muppets, and you wouldn’t be wrong, but I honestly love all three of these, and watch them every year. This is the best Marley ever, cause we get two for the price of one. Marley & Marley played by the incredible Statler and Waldorf. I love those two in general, and their presence provides a sense of comedy to what is supposed to be Scrooge’s initial warning of his fate. He tells them not to criticize him. They were always criticizing him! People like us can’t help it. They start into a musical number about their many transgressions in life, and adding their traditional laugh before shivering in disgust at the people they used to be. Critics or not, they still care enough about their friend to try and save him from their fate. The lighting and transparency effects are a delight, especially for the 90’s where this gem comes from. It helps that unlike pure CGI or animation, Scrooge looks like he’s interacting with them, and is moved. But we’ll touch on Scrooge later this week. For now, the library is closed. Back to hell, or limbo, or my chaise in the basement. Wherever is shady queens retire after spreading our message to the world.
Here’s their song. Enjoy the awesomeness.
Tune in tomorrow for The Ghost of Christmas Past as my Christmas Carol Countdown continues. Damn, I love alliteration. Until next time, stay geeky, and keep gabbing!