Howard the Duck – First Night in Cleve-Land


-by Bevianna Bones

By now, all of you out there have probably figured out that I truly love this movie. Each of my posts have recaped a total of about 15 minutes of the glorious film. In the first installment of The Howie Series, we took a look at Duckworld, and of course, Duckboobs.  In the second installment, we took a look at Cherry Bomb, Bev’s badass 80’s rock band; and when we left off, Howard had just unleashed a wicked quackfu attack on Bev’s would be rapist alley assailants.  Bev, grateful for Howie’s help, offers him a place to stay the night, and thus we begin the third installment of the Howie Series…what I am calling First Night in Cleve-Land.


Before we talk about the obvious budding relationship between Bev and Howard, let me first just point out that while Bev’s apartment is supposed to be a slum dive, I always thought it was a super badass loft.  Even if her loser crummy band manager did find it for her.  What a scum…it’s important for future events of the movie to understand that we should hate Ginger, the band manager. We will call this foreshadowing. Can anyone say Space Rabies?? I’m getting ahead of myself, more on that to come. So much neon lightning must have cost a fortune. The neon afterall matches Bev’s clothes. Great job art department, if only that level of detail had gone into the duckhead and it’s dead eyes.


Whoops…wrong movie…anyways…

Bev takes Howie up to her badass pad and the two of them get to know each other as Howard tries to understand this strange new world, and Bev makes insulting comments Howard such as she hopes he doesn’t poop the place and she can get him a bowl of milk. Howard is not amused with this, but Bev eventually figures out that while he’s a duck in appearance, he’s just like everyone else. Rainbows and unicorns and hugs.


Like looking into a mirror of dead eyes…


One of the several times we have a laugh over the commercialization of ducks on our world. 

Howard and Bev share a beer together, and Howard obviously can’t handle his hooch, as he immediately passes out. Bev takes advantage of the situation and not only molestes Howard for the first time, yes there are more times…we will talk about Ducksex in a future post, she takes the opportunity to go through his wallet. Guess no one explained to him the dangers of traveling abroad.  I wonder if there is a Duck Liam Neeson?


So soft and fluffy…


Yay more duckpuns…


Wait what’s that…is that what I think it is? Yes it is. But the real question is why is it not in a wrapper? Is this a used duckcondom Howard is carrying in his wallet? Gross.

Bev resolves to help Howard find out why he is here and help him get back, so the next morning she takes a cab to the science museum and hauls Howard over there in a hefty bag.  Liam where are you?!


Airholes or stab wounds…you be the judge.

Howard states that he’ll need therapy the rest of his life; not only him I’m thinking but likely all the people Bev runs course with during her hefty excursion. Even more disturbing no one asks questions. She must be in a really rough part of Ohio.


Enter a very young Tim Robbins as the budding scientist Philsy and soon to be best pal to Howard, but we don’t know that yet. He further insults Howard by asking him a series of absurd questions and Howard gets fett up and is ready to leave.  Philsy explains to him a theory of duck evolution that every schoolduck knows and determines that this avenue is a waste of time.


See…more duckpuns…just incase you haven’t figured out that this is a duckthemed movie yet

Pissed off about the circumstances he’s been faced with, he decides that he doesn’t need anyone’s help. Not Philsy’s, and certainly not Bev’s. Their first quarrel, and Bev says so long duckie and storms off in huff.



What will happen to Howard now that he has been left by his only friend? Guess we’ll just have to wait and see until our next installment…


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