Happy Birthday Warrior Princess!!

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by Bevianna Bones

Friday marked the 20th anniversary of the debut of the greatest television show of all time, Xena:Warrior Princess. It’s hard to believe that it was 20 years ago, or that I am getting old enough to say, “wow, that was 20 years ago? It seems like just yesterday!” And thanks to Netflix, watching Xena can be just like yesterday, or today even. I’ve spent many hours watching the series as it originally aired, through syndication, as the DVD’s were released, and as they’ve been streamed on various devices. It’s definitely one of the geekdom’s I’m most fluent in; I even wrote and did artwork for XMV back in the day. It’s my go to show when I need cheering up, need inspiration to kick some ass, or am having a hard time forgiving myself for mistakes of the past. Thinking about all the joy that the show has brought me over the last twenty years, I figured, why not share some of my favorite moments with you guys. WARNING: THIS COULD POTENTIALLY BE THE LONGEST POST YOU’VE EVER READ (I’ll try to keep the gushing to a minimum)…

The time Gabby got all high on nutbread while Xena was trying to stop some guy from sacrificing his only son.

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(Oh…And there was this…)

The first time that Xena almost lost Gabby. “Don’t leave me!”…sob.

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The time that Xena knocked out a bad guy with their only good frying pan, only to leave Gab trading Xena’s whip for another frying pan.

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The time that Gabby got turned into a vampire, and Xena purposefully let her bite her, So she could become one too in order to kill Baccus.

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The time that Xena died, and her soul was still alive, so she took over Autolycus’ body, and got to steal a kiss from Gabby, who, had also just become Queen of the Amazon’s.

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When Callisto killed Perdipoo. 🙂

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(There’s a smile in Xena’s eyes too…)

The Xena Scrolls.

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(Dr. Janyce Covington…aka Bevianna Bones)

The time Aphrodite places a spell on one of Gabby’s scrolls, and everything she writes happens. To the caves!

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The Hestian virgins and their vegetable gardens.

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The time Xena and Gab got all poopie with each other and they finally decided that in order to resolve their feelings, it was best to just sing it out.

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(Even though she’s making a very “Daddy” face…I promise it’s not the same Renee. A VERY INSIDE JOKE PEOPLE)

The time Xena single handedly fought off an entire army to defend a poisoned, dying, Gab. Sob.

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Xena takes a fishing trip. Gabby’s in love with herself. Joxer, er Atticus, wants furious zug zug; and the whole gang has to stop someone from stealing a diamond or something.

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Xena and Gabby are facing numerous ailments, but continue to battle, and bicker, on; meanwhile, Joxer tries out his cooking skills on an enemy army to save the day.

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Ceasar and Pompeii battle each other incessantly, there are many casualties. Pretty much a shitty situation for all. But out of it all, one of the greatest lessons of all Xena; sometimes all that’s left at the end of the day is to remember that it was a good day of fighting.

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Oh no! Dancing and arts are banned in the city! Don’t call Kevin Bacon…call Xena! She will secretly teach you the art of sexy dance fighting and warm over those sour pusses!

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Xena turns into a fucking deity, takes out Indrajit, makes buds with Krishna; just after Gabs got possessed by a sexy demon who likes to lick things. Oh, and the girls get nifty tattoos.

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When Gabs write a play about the way of love, nobody likes it, so they up the carnage in order to compete with the opening of Buffus the Bachea Slayer across the street.

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The time the gang played Clue on Gabs’ B-Day.

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Faster Gabrielle! Kill! Kill!

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The time the girls turned into archangels, Xena became a demon, and Calisto went all good after Gabs calls her out for being a bitch all the time.

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Amazon High.

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W.T.F?!

I AM LIVIA!!!!

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(Seriously, I just read an article that the reboot would have something to do with Eve/Livia. I think they’d be better off following the Amazon High story arc…)

Or, how about when in the last season, the writers stopped giving a shit about making the maintext “subtext”. Like when…

Xena tricks Lucifer into taking over Hell, all the while enjoying sexy dances with Gabrielle.

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Or when Xena follows Gab into a sex trade ring to protect her while she’s avenging her family’s deaths…set to the tone of many sexy dances.

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Or when Gabs gets poisoned (again), and the only way Xena can save her love is to offer her to the cannibals while she hatches a plan to save her and the twink they are traveling with.

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The time Gabs was hanging out with Beowulf and went to sleep in a ring of fire, only to be awakened by her true love’s kiss…and then Xena came and woke her up after setting things right with Grendal.

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The time the gals decided to play on the farm with each other just for fun.

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When they were on “tv” to discuss the “true nature” of their relationship.

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After being cloned in modern day, and kicking Alti’s ass one last time, the gals enjoy a glass of champagne in the back of a cab with “just married” written on the back.

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When Fates Collide.

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And finally…

“There’s a moment when I look at you
And no speech is left within me
My tongue breaks,
Then fire races through my skin,
And I tremble.
And grow pale,
For I am dying of such love”

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Sigh. That folks, is how the show should have ended…without that horrible Friend in Need. That’s how it ends for me. I pull a Phoebe with Old Yeller and end it right there. And, now for this articles bit of useless information; Many Happy Returns (of which the above poem was in; Xena gave it to Gabs for her bday, written by Sappho nonetheless) was actually the production wrap for the show. And it shows in the sincerity shown between Lucy and Renee.

So with that bit, again I say happy twentieth Xena: Warrior Princess. Thank you for what you’ve meant to fantasy television, empowering women, and really being the first show to loving show a lesbian couple on prime time (even though you snuck it in there sometimes with all that “subtext”). Many happy returns.
-BB

Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?

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-by Bevianna Bones

Just kidding….more like where in the world has your dear Bevianna been? It’s been a while since I’ve had any geektabulous insights to share with you. I’ve been off on an archaeological adventure; raiding tombs with polygon boobs, fighting monsters in arks, and trying to master the skills of chunky tank style jumping. Or not really, as much as I wish I were, my real life just kind of happened. You know, the one I actually get paid for, and the one that I have to have a real job to compensate for all the nifty things I want. If only it were as easy as it was in videogames.

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Link has that shit down to a science. Cut some grass, pull up a rock, break your neighbors’ pot; get some cash.

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Or maybe like in the GTA series…beat up a hooker, steal her cash. Oh if only it were that easy legally! Long story short, I had a job change, switching companies after almost a decade; and getting acclimated to a new culture. Also, my partner recently closed on her home; so we’ve been enduring the stress of that whole process, and the stress of actually moving and getting settled in, in general.

It’s all not as easy as they made it seem in Animal Crossing. One thing is for sure though, between the move and the job, I am really tired of that sarcastic grin of Tom Nook.

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You will work of your debt…And then still pay me more and more after your debt is paid off!! You will always be indebted to me!! Buahaha!

All in all, it’s been an exciting month, but now that the dust has cleared and the last fanfare has fell; Bevianna is back in business and I look forward to bringing you more of my delightful insights of geekdom. Hell, I might even have time to watch Howard the Duck!

Until next time!
BB

TCG Tuesday – Yugioh, Signature Cards 

  

By Joshie Jaxon

Greetings duel fans! Joshie Jaxon here to discuss each of the signature monsters of the series protagonists of the Yugioh anime. Now, Joshie, what does the anime have to do with the TCG, you may ask. This is why you’re here. To learn, and to grow in your geeky ways. Each could exist without the other, but it wouldn’t be nearly as fun. TCG exclusive geeks get to open packs, pick and trade cards, and find your own dueling style, potentially not knowing all the options available to you. Anime exclusive fans get to see the show, and the game, without ever experiencing any of the action for themselves. Those of us who watch the anime, and play the game, get the best of both worlds. We get to see not only the cards we may have, but all the others that are available. It helps us refine our strategies, by maybe improving upon what the writers originally showed us in the anime. On to the monsters! Let the geeks begin! 

Dark Magician 2500 ATK 2100 DEF

The ultimate wizard in terms of attack and defense. 

The Dark Magician has been around since episode one of the original Yugioh anime. By the end of the series, we learn that he was the faithful servant of the Pharaoh, and to further protect him, became his most powerful monster, save for the Egyptian God Cards. The Dark Magician helped Yugi in nearly all of his important duels, from Kaiba to Zorc. Like Neos, the Dark Magician the only other Normal monster on the list. However, that doesn’t mean that he’s without power. 

The Dark Magician has a variety of cards that he can use or become, via fusion or card effect. 

Monsters –
Dark Sage

Dark Magician Knight 

Dark Paladin 

Magician of Black Chaos 

Dark Eradicator Warlock

Dark Flare Knight 

Malefic Dark Magician 
Spells – 
Dark Magic Attack 

A Thousand Knives

Dark Magic Curtain
  

Elemental Hero Neos 2500 ATK 2000 DEF 

A new Elemental Hero has arrived from Neo Space! When he initiates a Contact Fusion with a Neo-Spacian his unknown powers are unleashed. 

Neos was introduced in the second season of Yugioh GX. He was created by Jaden as part of a card contest. After being launched into space, Neos and Jaden were reunited. Neos assisted with the destruction of the satellite that was under the control of the society of light. Like the Dark Magician, Neos requires two sacrifices in order to be summoned to the field. Even though he’s a Normal monster, Neos has the ability to fuse with any of the Neo-Spacians to create some rather exceptional creatures. 

Monsters – 
Grand Neos 

Marine Neos

Storm Neos 

Flare Neos 

Air Neos 

Chaos Neos 

Magma Neos 

Aqua Neos 

Glow Neos 

Dark Neos

Rainbow Neos 

Spells – 
Neo Space

Reverse of Neos 

Neos Force 
  

Stardust Dragon 2500 ATK 2000 DEF

1 Tuner + 1 or more non-Tuner monster. 

A Signer Dragon, belonging the Yugioh 5D’s hero, Yusei. Stardust Dragon belonged to him until it was stolen by Jack Atlas,only to be returned at a later date. Stardust helped take down the Dark Signers, and save New Domino City. You can use virtually any monster to bring out Stardust, as long as it meets the above condition, and the synchro summon rules I covered in my previous TCG post. Stardust’s ability allows it to sacrifice itself, only to be resurrected to the field at the end of the turn. Similar to Neos, Stardust has the ability to synchro further into even more powerful forms. 

Monsters – 
Majestic Star Dragon

Shooting Star Dragon 

Malefic Stardust Dragon

Shooting Quasar Dragon

Traps – 
Stardust Flash 

Starlight Road

  

Number 39: Utopia 2500 ATK 2000 DEF

2 Level 4 Monsters

The only Number card that stayed with Astral after he was left without his memories, during the events of Yugioh Zexal. He served Yuma of his own will, unlike the other Number cards encountered in the series. Utopia was loyal to Yuma through the series, and was able to reach all five of his forms in a single duel. The main ability of Utopia is to negate an attack by removing a material monster. The drawback of that ability is that when Utopia is out of material to remove, he’s destroyed if he does battle. Still, Utopia is a solid hitter, and great addition to the protagonist monster squad. 

Monsters – 
Utopia Ray 

Utopia Roots 

Utopia V

Utopia Victory 

Utopia Beyond 

  

Odd Eyes Dragon 2500 ATK 2000 DEF 

If this card destroys an opponents monster by battle and sends it to the graveyard: inflict damage to your opponent equal to half the original ATK of the monster in the graveyard. 
The final signature monster belongs to Yuya of the Yugioh Arc-V series. Since this series has yet to get an English dub and release, I have no idea how it works in the anime. However, I do know that as a card, it holds the distinct honor of being the first monster to have an incarnation of every monster summon type. Normal, Fusion, Synchro, Xyz, and Ritual. I can’t wait to see the newest form of cards and summons in action. Having been researching the new monsters and summons, I’m working on getting a deck together so I can try it out myself. A lot of people on the net think that pendulums are broken, I’ll let you know my findings. 

Monsters – 
Rune-Eyes Pendulum Dragon

Vortex Dragon

Meteor Burst Dragon

Absolute Dragon

Dark Rebellion Xyz Dragon

Clear Wing Synchro Dragon

Rebellion Dragon

Gravity Dragon 

  
There you have it, the ace monsters of our beloved heroes. If you’re a fan of the anime, I’m sure whatever series you started on has a special place in your heart. Give the others a chance as well. I thought I’d hate 5D’s when it was new, but now I enjoy it. I initially didn’t bother with Zexal, but am currently in the process of rewatching it. Even if you don’t like the plots, if you’re a duelist or just a casual TCG gamer, it couldn’t hurt to observe some new strategies in action, without having to search YouTube for the tutorial that you want. Spoiler alert, that’s something I’m working on creating for you. They may not be fancy, but they’ll be entertaining. Until next time, stay geeky and keep dueling! 

  

WTF Moments in the Legend of Zelda

  

By Joshie Jaxon

The Legend of Zelda has been around since 1986. In it’s nearly 30 year run on every Nintendo format, consisting of 17 official games, the series has had it’s share of moments that made fans go WTF?! 

I’m not ranking these, that’s for fans and message boards to decide. I’m just here to get the conversation started. I will be doing these in chronological order, by release date. Warning of potential spoilers, but most if not all of these should be common knowledge at this point. Let the geeks begin! 

Legend of Zelda II – The Adventure of Link (1987)

The second entry in the series has more than it’s fair share of WTF moments. From the start, we notice that this isn’t the same look as the original. Rather than a strictly top down view, we’re treated to a side-scrolling platformer. That is until we leave the castle. Then we’re dealing with a very mini Link traveling the landscape, as dark shadows converge on our location. Once they make contact, we’re taken back to the side scrolling action. If that didn’t have enough people scratching their heads, this game also featured a level mechanic, normally seen in RPG’s. As you progressed through the game your health, magic, and attack would increase. But wait, there’s more. Link can jump with the push of a button, something not really repeated since. He can also transform into a fairy. The biggest WTF of this was the premier of Shadow/Dark Link. Now it’s a common occurrence, but back in 1987, fighting ourselves for the first time, had many players thinking, what the…? 
  

A Link to the Past (1991)

Link’s one and only outing on the SNES brought incredible graphics, boss fights, power ups, and an fantastic story. Even with the addition of Ocarina of Time years later, many fans consider this to be one of the greatest entries in series history. It gives us the first real view that the games in the series could be tied together, though not directly related in a sequential order. In the Adventure of Link, when the player dies, we hear laughter, with a screen showing Return of Ganon. In this game, he’s really nowhere to be seen. Instead we deal with a dark wizard, Agahnim. That leads me to the WTF moment of this game. You beat Agahnim for the second time, and before you can really celebrate, a familiar looking spirit escapes his body. Later, in the dark pyramid, we learn that in this game, Agahnim is Ganon’s alter ego. The first time that happened, I just stared at the screen in disbelief. Link turning into a bunny in the dark world was funny, but Ganon back in your face? What the…?
  

Link’s Awakening (1993)

This was Link’s first handheld adventure. Link’s boat crashes, and he washes up on an unfamiliar island. That’s right, no Hyrule, no Zelda, no Triforce, nothing we’ve seen before. The goal of this game is to gather instruments so that the Wind Fish can wake up, and Link can escape the island. The giant WTF takes place after beating all the nightmares. Once the Wind Fish wakes, the island of Koholint will disappear. The entire place is nothing more than the Wind Fish’s dream. Link plays the Song of Awakening, and we get to see all the characters we grew attached to, fade into nothingness. Looking back on it, we should have seen it coming. There were Goombas, Chain Chomp, Yoshi Dolls, and Muru that looks exactly like Wart, the big bad of SMB2, which, spoiler alert, was also a dream. Well played, Nintendo, well played. 
  

Ocarina of Time (1998)

Alright, everyone knows what this one is going to be. Even if you never played the original on the N64, it was re-released on the 3DS. It is widely regarded as the greatest Zelda game ever, if not one of the greatest of all time. The set up for this moment doesn’t begin until you wake up in the Temple of Time as adult Link. Players are introduced to a Sheikah named Sheik. Sheik sets us on our path, and says some rather cryptic things as he uses his harp to teach the warp song at each of the temples in the game. Once all of the sages have been awakened, Sheik lets Link know what has been going on, and apologizes for keeping the truth from him. Sheik’s hand glows with the Triforce symbol, and it is revealed that Sheik is in fact, Princess Zelda. For some, this moment wasn’t a big shock, but for me, in a no internet access point in my life, there was no spoiler. When Zelda was revealed, it was an epic and defining moment in gaming. 
  

Majora’s Mask (2000)

This whole game is a bit of a mind freak. As a direct sequel to Ocarina of Time, kid Link falls victim to the Skull Kid, and is transformed into a Deku Scrub. As the game progresses, he also takes the form of a dead Goron, Darmani, and dead Zora, Mikau. That’s right, Link takes on the form of some of the series’ various races, but, you know, dead. Do you know why he does it, Clarice? Why he takes their skins? Anyhow, since Majora’s Mask was recently re-released, I’m sure it’s fresh on everyone’s mind. That being said, the WTF moment of this game for me, takes place at Romani Ranch on the first night. Link has to help defend the ranch from aliens. Seriously, Cow. Snatching. Aliens. Of all the absurd and crazy things in this game, and becoming dead people was a biggie, but that’s the one that had me scratching my head, saying What the…? 
  

Wind Waker (2002)

Wind Waker is one of my all time favorite games in the series. The cel-shading, and bright cartoony vibe made for some spectacular visuals. Most die-hard fans, however, hated the look of this game. They expected something more lifelike, since the GameCube was the most advanced Nintendo system of the day. That already had people uttering WTF?! Those of us who played through it got to experience that moment for several other reasons. First, after conquering the Tower of the Gods, we get to experience a castle suspended in time, that turns out to be Hyrule Castle. Not only that, we learn that the voice of our ship, is none of than the King of Hyrule himself. Don’t gasp yet, there’s more. Tetra, our mouthy pirate friend, is actually Princess Zelda. That one was a slight gasp. After all, in Ocarina we had the Zelda is a character who’s been in front of you the whole time moment. No, the real shocker in this game is the ending. It’s one of the best, and surprisingly graphic, despite it’s art style, in the history of the franchise. Link takes the master sword, and plunges it right into Ganon’s head, on camera. We see the whole thing. As Ganon turned to stone, I swear I let out an audible, What the…? 
  

Twilight Princess (2006)

As the Wii emerged, those of is who only had GameCube were happy to hear that Twilight Princess would be released on both consoles. I really didn’t want to miss out on this adventure. It is visually stunning, and another one of my all time favorites. Link is transformed into a wolf, and gives the player a chance to experience Hyrule in a whole new way. We also get Midna, who is one of the greatest in-game companions ever. Agatha the insect queen was more of a um, ok, moment for me, rather than a WTF. I just wanted to mention her here. The reveal of Midna as the titular character was so predictable you could see it from space. However, when we meet hooded Zelda, I considered for a moment that it could be her. That is of course until Midna gets injured, and wolf-Link has to get her to Zelda, stat. Midna is prepared to die, and tells Zelda to help Link finish his quest. In a jaw-dropping moment, Zelda uses the power of the Triforce to restore Link to human form, then she sacrifices herself to heal Midna. Having Zelda seemingly die at the end of the first act was a definite What the F…? 
  

Skyward Sword (2011)

My final moment on this post is brought to you by Skyward Sword. For all your sword needs, look Skyward. Our Fi’s are very reasonable. Lame joke, but I stand by it. You’ve come with me this far, let’s get through this together. Since this game sets the start of the current chronology, a lot happens. The master sword is forged during the events of our quest. Zelda is purified to be a vessel for the goddess Hylia. The final boss battles of this game, and it’s ending, in a word, wow. First of all, while I loved the motion mechanic of having to swing the right direction to hit Ghirahim, the third time around it was just annoying. The ending was so close, and I had to deal with that nonsense. Ugh! After beating his several incarnations, you think all is said and done. Wrong! Ghirahim’s master, Demise, shows up, and essentially turns Ghirahim into his weapon. The flamboyant villain we’ve been fighting all game isn’t the final boss? What?! Demise is a pain in the ass, but I was able to beat him on the second attempt. Side note, got the Hylian shield on my first boss run with the Thunder Dragon. Anyhow, when Demise is defeated, he threatens that his evil will continue to be reborn through the generations, and that he will plague Zelda and Link for all time. That’s creepy and all, but the entire game, literally, from the first time I saw him, I was waiting for Groose to succumb to darkness, and become Ganon. When he didn’t, I was disappointed. I looked at my roommate and said, Really? What the fuck?
  

Phantom Zelda in Spirit Tracks would have counted, if she wasn’t seen floating through the title screen. Kinda ruined the impact of the moment. 

There you have it, geek fans. What do you think? Did your moment make the list? Until next time, stay geeky, and keep gabbing! 

  

Glorious Girls of Gaming – Princess Peach, aka Princess Toadstool

  

By Joshie Jaxon

Greetings, geek fans. When working on new material, I realized that I hadn’t done a Glorious Girls post in forever. I decided, what better way to get back to it, than to dive in with someone that gamers new and old would recognize, Princess Peach. Let’s the geeks begin! 

Originally called Princess Toadstool here in the states, she was the damsel in distress that Mario was supposed to save in the original Super Mario Bros for the NES. Back then, games had manuals to help flesh out the story, since the cartridges had limited memory. If you never read the manual, then you had no idea why Mario was running around stomping things until you got through the first castle, and discovered Toad waiting for you. Say it with me now, “Thank you, Mario, but our princess is in another castle”. After questing through eight worlds, we finally get the genuine article. Rather than the appearance we know today, she was a redhead, and wore a white dress. She kept the hair for another game or two, but changed into her signature pink dress for Super Mario Bros 2, where she was a playable character. Personally, I preferred to play as her, because of her ability to hover in the air, which saved me from death on more than one occasion. By the final game on the NES, Super Mario Bros 3, Princess Toadstool was kidnapped again. However, this time she was able to send us touching letters, and power-up items. I’m glad the Koopa King allowed to to send mail. For that matter, if she had things like power wings and such to send, why didn’t she just use them herself to escape? Ponder that, I’ll touch on it again later. 
  
The Super Nintendo era brought us Mario’s next console adventure, Super Mario World. Once again, Peach is kidnapped. Nintendo knows, if it’s not broke, don’t fix it, just tweak it. So, even though the power-ups and locations may change, the only thing that can motivate Mario to want to play through a game is if he’s got a gal to save. Pauline, Daisy and Rosalina can back me up on this. He’s either saved them by personally rescuing them, or by completing tasks to get things going. Where was I? Oh yeah, save me, Mario! Save me! And he does, and it all goes well until the next time. The SNES brought us another chance to play as the princess, in the form of Super Mario Kart. Peach got addicted to racing, and she’s been doing it ever since. Which gives her at least a slight sense of accomplishment, seeing as how she’s always getting kidnapped left and right. In Mario 64, she was even held captive in her own castle. How humiliating to not even use any hidden exits to free yourself. Oh wait, bimbo blonde girl in the main series. I forgot. How careless of me. The thing is, I want to like Peach, I really do. She runs an entire kingdom, and deserves some respect. I just can’t get past her lack of defenses. Alright, Bowser gets her once or twice, you fortify and prevent it from happening again. Sadly, she, or her advisors, just never learn.
  
I could comment on Sunshine, Galaxy, Galaxy 2, New Super Mario Bros DS/Wii/Wii U you see where I’m going with this. I’ll summarize; Bowser takes Peach, Mario travels through roughly eight worlds to save her, repeat. However, she was given one chance to shine on her own, Super Princess Peach. In a twist of fate, Bowser takes Mario. Maybe he was trying to get him out of the way of future Peach-nappings. This time around, Peach needs to save Mario. Yay! Feminism! Girl power! Oh, wait, they didn’t give her fire flowers, a cape, Yoshi, or FLUDD, they made her a slave to her emotions. Yes, seriously. Joy, Rage, Gloom, and Calm are her arsenal. Joy makes her float, Rage makes her burn, Calm restores health, and Gloom makes her cry. Way to reinforce women using tears as a weapon, guys. As if that weren’t sexist, and disempowering enough, the object she retrieves from Bowser is called the Vibe Scepter. Hand to freaking god, not only did Bowser take Mario, he took Peach’s vibrator. Have that image in your mind as you look at the cover art for the game; Peach, using said scepter as she has a Mario kidnap fantasy. 
  
Moving on, we’re gonna focus on a more empowering incarnation of Peach, the fighter. The Princess has been part of the Smash Bros series since the beginning. Finally, Peach is able to fight back against not only Bowser, but Mario, Luigi and Yoshi too. She wields her Toad subjects as weapons, as well as her signature parasol. She is a lady, after all. There is a story mode in Smash, and she has the chance to be the one to take down Master Hand. Finally saving the day with the help of no man. Aside from that, Peach is a staple in the Party series, as well as the various sports games that are out there. I’ll give Nintendo credit, although she isn’t the most well-rounded person in their universe, she gives young girls, and boys, a female character in what is usually a male-dominated industry. She can go-cart, golf, play tennis, baseball, soccer, etc. just as well as the boys do. I personally don’t use her unless I have to, because I prefer my female characters to be more warrior than princess. However, that doesn’t stop me from finishing my Mario games and making sure she’s rescued. I can’t just leave her there. She’s certainly not going to save herself. Or is she?
  
My absolute, hands-down, all-time favorite version of Peach is from her Princess Toadstool days. There’s a little known gem of a comic called Super Mario Adventures. This story is great, and so is the art. I may do a separate post on it just to do it justice. Essentially, Bowser turns Mario and the Toads to stone. Princess Toadstool ain’t having that, and chases after him. Atta girl! Sadly, she still winds up captured, but in the greatest twist ever, she saves herself! She kicks some Koopaling ass, and gets away. Mario, not knowing she freed herself, and based on past precedent we can’t blame him, gets caught trying to save her. Then Princess Toadstool has to get back into the castle she escaped from to try and save her would-be hero. The story has it all. I won’t spoil the rest. As I said, I’ll do another post. I just love that at least on paper, not only did they make her a competent ruler, but a woman as well. There was no waiting around to be rescued, she did it herself. That’s the sort of a lesson a recognizable character like Peach should be showing more often. 
  

In conclusion, Peach currently holds the honor of being the female character with highest amount of game appearances, at a whopping total of 78 to date. Thanks, to multi-series repeats like Mario Party, Mario Kart, etc. In fact, she was the only female racer in that opening game. Despite being portrayed as clueless, Peach Toadstool really is competent in a lot of ways. Perhaps it’s her security detail that needs an overhaul. No longer a simple damsel in distress, Peach has expanded her skill set, if not her mind, to show that pretty women can be just as capable as men, and to me, that’s pretty glorious. 
  

TCG Tuesday – Yugioh, Summons

  
 
By Joshie Jaxon 

Greetings Yugioh TCG fans! I’m here today at the Kaiba Dome in New New Domino City to talk to you about summons, and we’re not talking Bahamut, Diabolos, and Ifrit. I’m talking about monster summons in the Yugioh TCG. As I covered in my last post, there are a variety of monsters out there, and now we’re gonna learn how to call them to the field to do our bidding. Let the geeks begin! 

  

Normal Summons – 

Each turn you’re allowed to normal summon one monster, unless a card effect allows you an extra summon that round. Both normal, and effect monsters can be summoned this way, with one exception. Monsters that are level 1-4, as indicated by star * level, are able to be summoned directly to the field. Monsters that are level 5-8 can be summoned to the field, as long as another monster has been sacrificed/tributed. One sacrifice is needed for monsters level 5&6, while two sacrifices are needed for monsters 7 and above. 

  
This isn’t relevant to the above paragraph, I just wanted to include what the new game field looks like now. 

Special Summons – 

Unlike a normal summon, special summons are unlimited, as long as you have the cards to do it. There are a variety of special summons available in the game, and that’s where I’ll be spending the majority of my focus. 

Monster Effect – 

There are some monster cards that allow you to special summon other monsters as long as you satisfy the condition on the card. In the example of Kaibaman or Red Eyes Black Chick, they can be tributed from the field in order to summon Blue Eyes White Dragon and Red Eyes Back Dragon from your hand, respectively. 

  

Spell Card Effect – 

Certain spell cards grant you the ability to summon out more powerful monsters. Sage’s Stone allows you to summon a Dark Magician from your hand or deck, as long as Dark Magician Girl is on the field. Knight’s Title allows you to summon Dark Magician Knight to the field, from your hand, deck, or graveyard, provided you tribute a face-up Dark Magician. It wasn’t until writing this, just now, that I realized you could use those as a combo. Still learning and refining my skills, even now. More on combos in a later post.

  

Fusion Summons (Purple Cards) –  

Fusion summons allow you to combine two or more monsters together to create a monster that is generally stronger or has an ability greater than those of the monsters that created it. There are several types of fusion summons, and I’m gonna cover all three. Fusions were the easiest and most common types of monster combining there was until Synchros and Xyzs came along as the hot new thing. Those kinds are coming up, but for now, we’re talking good old fashioned fusions, like Mr. Muto used to make.

Standard Fusion – 

Two or more monsters fused together by the use of Polymerization, Fusion Gate, Miracle Fusion, Power Bond or other such cards. The monsters can come from your hand, or field, as long as they are listed as fusion materials on the card you want to summon. I know I’ve mentioned gaining power through fusion, here’s an example; Elemental Hero Sparkman, and Elemental Hero Clayman are both normal monsters with no special abilities. Add in a little Polymerization, and you get Elemental Hero Thunder Giant. Special ability, discard a card from your hand and destroy one of your opponent’s monsters, as long as it’s weaker than Thunder Giant. Gotta love special abilities.

  

Union Fusion – 

Union monsters merge with others, in the form of an equip card, generally granting the main card bonus ATK points, or an added ability. There are a few series of cards that allow the union monster to fuse with the original to create a fusion monster, without using Polymerization. X-Head Cannon, Y-Dragon Head, and Z-Metal Tank can merge with one other as XY/XZ/etc, but if you bring all three together you can summon XYZ-Dragon Cannon. Discard a card from your hand, and destroy a card on your opponent’s field. How sweet is that? 

  

Contact Fusion – 

Introduced during the GX generation, there hasn’t been any advances made in contact fusion since 5D’s and Zexal showed up. Hell, we didn’t even get to finish the GX anime, and I for one wanted to see Yugi vs Jaden in English. There were new Elemental Heroes with the manga, I’m just saying- Sorry, small rant. Anyhow, contact fusion is exclusive to Elemental Hero Neos. Similar to union monsters, the Neo Spacians can merge with Neos without the need for a Polymerization card. The only downside is that if you don’t have Neo Space on the field, the fusion only lasts for one turn. Given some of the abilities gained by this form of fusion though, one turn could be all you need. Take one part Neos, add Neo-Spacian Aqua Dolphin, and Neo-Spacian Air Hummingbird, you get Elemental Hero Storm Neos. Once a turn you can destroy all spell and traps on the field. When the fusion expires, and Storm Neos returns to the extra deck, all cards on the field are returned to their respective decks. Have I mentioned I love special abilities? 

  

Ritual Summon (Blue Cards) – 

Seen a few times in the anime, by Pegasus, and a few by Yami Yugi, there wasn’t much use for ritual monsters once Battle City started, and the Egyptian God Cards were introduced. Before that, there were no sacrifices in the anime, but they still needed a way to get powerful monsters out. In my opinion, Rituals were the precursor to modern Synchros. The main difference is, in order to summon the ritual monster, you have to have the monster, as well as the corresponding spell card in your hand. To perform the ritual summon, you have to play the spell card, and sacrifice from your hand or field, monsters whose level is greater than or equal to the ritual monster. Manage to get it out on your turn, and you still have a normal summon you can perform, giving you double the monsters to assault your friends with. Sometimes with fun abilities. Lycanthrope for example, when he damages your opponent, you can then inflict a bonus 200 points for each normal monster in your graveyard. Finally, a shifter I can get behind. 

  

Synchro Summons (White Cards) – 

Ah, Synchros. The creatures responsible for me missing out on the final season of GX. It’s possible that GX got too dark for modern kids, but I think they just wanted to promote these monsters and needed the anime to do it. I know, I know, let it go. You let it go. I missed out on Neos vs Dark Magician. I’m a professional, with a job to do. Synchro monsters can be summoned with a Tuner monster and non-Tuners on the field whose level exactly totals that of the Synchro monster you want to summon. Like any special summon you can do this as many times a turn as you have monsters to accomplish a successful summon. Turbo Synchron (1) Rose Witch (4) and Snapdragon (2) can be synchro summoned to create Ancient Fairy Dragon (7), who allows you to destroy field spells to gain 1000 LP, draw your own field spell, or skip your battle phase and special summon a level 4 monster from your hand. Yay, signer dragons! 

  

Xyz Summon (Black Cards ) – 

I’ll be honest, I have no personal dueling experience with Xyz monsters, and have only seen a handful of Zexal episodes. Unlike all other monsters, Xyz have ranks, not levels. As such, they can’t be used for Xyz, Ritual, or Synchro summons. To summon an Xyz monster, you need to have the required amount of monsters on the field. The materials are stacked and placed under the Xyz monster, as most of the require you to detach one of the material monsters to activate their special abilities. Mira the Star-Bearer requires three level 1 monsters in order to summon it. If Mira would be destroyed, you can remove a material monster to save it. Also your level 4 monsters can’t be destroyed by card effects. Seems like a decent ability. I’d have to duel with some Xyz monsters to get a better handle on them, but they seem cool. Plus, the cards are black, which is awesome. 

  

Pendulum Summon (Yellow/Orange and Green Cards) – 

The latest series-specific type of monster. It’s introduced in Arc-V, which has yet to hit the states. I’ve acquired a few cards, but have zero idea how to use them yet. As soon as I do, I’ll update with more detailed information. I’m just that dedicated to you, dear readers. 
Between writing the above paragraph and this one, I’ve found and watched the official pendulum tutorial on YouTube. I’m very conflicted on them now. I’ll cover their official rules first. A pendulum monster can be played as a spell or a monster card. If played as a spell, you look at the corresponding pendulum number on the card, and match it to the one on the field. When you have two pendulum spells on the field, you’re then allowed to pendulum summon any number of monsters from your hand that are between those levels. Example, with Stargazer and Timegazer Magician in the pendulum spell zone, you have a scale of 1 and 8, so you can summon any monsters level 2-7. Plus you still get your normal summon. Essentially, this method allows a player to easily summon Xyz, Synchro, and Fusion monsters. To me, though, it just seems like a way to have a quick game with minimal strategy, as you can get all your monsters on the field, and obliterate your opponent. Normally, I’m all for complete destruction, but this just doesn’t seem right to me. Again, no real world application yet, so my opinion is subject to change. 

  

There you have it, the basics of all forms of monster summoning. Gotta go, a temporal portal just opened up, and it’s gonna be Yugi and Yusei against Jaden and Yuma in an exhibition match. Until next time, stay geeky, and keep dueling!