WTF Moments in the Legend of Zelda

  

By Joshie Jaxon

The Legend of Zelda has been around since 1986. In it’s nearly 30 year run on every Nintendo format, consisting of 17 official games, the series has had it’s share of moments that made fans go WTF?! 

I’m not ranking these, that’s for fans and message boards to decide. I’m just here to get the conversation started. I will be doing these in chronological order, by release date. Warning of potential spoilers, but most if not all of these should be common knowledge at this point. Let the geeks begin! 

Legend of Zelda II – The Adventure of Link (1987)

The second entry in the series has more than it’s fair share of WTF moments. From the start, we notice that this isn’t the same look as the original. Rather than a strictly top down view, we’re treated to a side-scrolling platformer. That is until we leave the castle. Then we’re dealing with a very mini Link traveling the landscape, as dark shadows converge on our location. Once they make contact, we’re taken back to the side scrolling action. If that didn’t have enough people scratching their heads, this game also featured a level mechanic, normally seen in RPG’s. As you progressed through the game your health, magic, and attack would increase. But wait, there’s more. Link can jump with the push of a button, something not really repeated since. He can also transform into a fairy. The biggest WTF of this was the premier of Shadow/Dark Link. Now it’s a common occurrence, but back in 1987, fighting ourselves for the first time, had many players thinking, what the…? 
  

A Link to the Past (1991)

Link’s one and only outing on the SNES brought incredible graphics, boss fights, power ups, and an fantastic story. Even with the addition of Ocarina of Time years later, many fans consider this to be one of the greatest entries in series history. It gives us the first real view that the games in the series could be tied together, though not directly related in a sequential order. In the Adventure of Link, when the player dies, we hear laughter, with a screen showing Return of Ganon. In this game, he’s really nowhere to be seen. Instead we deal with a dark wizard, Agahnim. That leads me to the WTF moment of this game. You beat Agahnim for the second time, and before you can really celebrate, a familiar looking spirit escapes his body. Later, in the dark pyramid, we learn that in this game, Agahnim is Ganon’s alter ego. The first time that happened, I just stared at the screen in disbelief. Link turning into a bunny in the dark world was funny, but Ganon back in your face? What the…?
  

Link’s Awakening (1993)

This was Link’s first handheld adventure. Link’s boat crashes, and he washes up on an unfamiliar island. That’s right, no Hyrule, no Zelda, no Triforce, nothing we’ve seen before. The goal of this game is to gather instruments so that the Wind Fish can wake up, and Link can escape the island. The giant WTF takes place after beating all the nightmares. Once the Wind Fish wakes, the island of Koholint will disappear. The entire place is nothing more than the Wind Fish’s dream. Link plays the Song of Awakening, and we get to see all the characters we grew attached to, fade into nothingness. Looking back on it, we should have seen it coming. There were Goombas, Chain Chomp, Yoshi Dolls, and Muru that looks exactly like Wart, the big bad of SMB2, which, spoiler alert, was also a dream. Well played, Nintendo, well played. 
  

Ocarina of Time (1998)

Alright, everyone knows what this one is going to be. Even if you never played the original on the N64, it was re-released on the 3DS. It is widely regarded as the greatest Zelda game ever, if not one of the greatest of all time. The set up for this moment doesn’t begin until you wake up in the Temple of Time as adult Link. Players are introduced to a Sheikah named Sheik. Sheik sets us on our path, and says some rather cryptic things as he uses his harp to teach the warp song at each of the temples in the game. Once all of the sages have been awakened, Sheik lets Link know what has been going on, and apologizes for keeping the truth from him. Sheik’s hand glows with the Triforce symbol, and it is revealed that Sheik is in fact, Princess Zelda. For some, this moment wasn’t a big shock, but for me, in a no internet access point in my life, there was no spoiler. When Zelda was revealed, it was an epic and defining moment in gaming. 
  

Majora’s Mask (2000)

This whole game is a bit of a mind freak. As a direct sequel to Ocarina of Time, kid Link falls victim to the Skull Kid, and is transformed into a Deku Scrub. As the game progresses, he also takes the form of a dead Goron, Darmani, and dead Zora, Mikau. That’s right, Link takes on the form of some of the series’ various races, but, you know, dead. Do you know why he does it, Clarice? Why he takes their skins? Anyhow, since Majora’s Mask was recently re-released, I’m sure it’s fresh on everyone’s mind. That being said, the WTF moment of this game for me, takes place at Romani Ranch on the first night. Link has to help defend the ranch from aliens. Seriously, Cow. Snatching. Aliens. Of all the absurd and crazy things in this game, and becoming dead people was a biggie, but that’s the one that had me scratching my head, saying What the…? 
  

Wind Waker (2002)

Wind Waker is one of my all time favorite games in the series. The cel-shading, and bright cartoony vibe made for some spectacular visuals. Most die-hard fans, however, hated the look of this game. They expected something more lifelike, since the GameCube was the most advanced Nintendo system of the day. That already had people uttering WTF?! Those of us who played through it got to experience that moment for several other reasons. First, after conquering the Tower of the Gods, we get to experience a castle suspended in time, that turns out to be Hyrule Castle. Not only that, we learn that the voice of our ship, is none of than the King of Hyrule himself. Don’t gasp yet, there’s more. Tetra, our mouthy pirate friend, is actually Princess Zelda. That one was a slight gasp. After all, in Ocarina we had the Zelda is a character who’s been in front of you the whole time moment. No, the real shocker in this game is the ending. It’s one of the best, and surprisingly graphic, despite it’s art style, in the history of the franchise. Link takes the master sword, and plunges it right into Ganon’s head, on camera. We see the whole thing. As Ganon turned to stone, I swear I let out an audible, What the…? 
  

Twilight Princess (2006)

As the Wii emerged, those of is who only had GameCube were happy to hear that Twilight Princess would be released on both consoles. I really didn’t want to miss out on this adventure. It is visually stunning, and another one of my all time favorites. Link is transformed into a wolf, and gives the player a chance to experience Hyrule in a whole new way. We also get Midna, who is one of the greatest in-game companions ever. Agatha the insect queen was more of a um, ok, moment for me, rather than a WTF. I just wanted to mention her here. The reveal of Midna as the titular character was so predictable you could see it from space. However, when we meet hooded Zelda, I considered for a moment that it could be her. That is of course until Midna gets injured, and wolf-Link has to get her to Zelda, stat. Midna is prepared to die, and tells Zelda to help Link finish his quest. In a jaw-dropping moment, Zelda uses the power of the Triforce to restore Link to human form, then she sacrifices herself to heal Midna. Having Zelda seemingly die at the end of the first act was a definite What the F…? 
  

Skyward Sword (2011)

My final moment on this post is brought to you by Skyward Sword. For all your sword needs, look Skyward. Our Fi’s are very reasonable. Lame joke, but I stand by it. You’ve come with me this far, let’s get through this together. Since this game sets the start of the current chronology, a lot happens. The master sword is forged during the events of our quest. Zelda is purified to be a vessel for the goddess Hylia. The final boss battles of this game, and it’s ending, in a word, wow. First of all, while I loved the motion mechanic of having to swing the right direction to hit Ghirahim, the third time around it was just annoying. The ending was so close, and I had to deal with that nonsense. Ugh! After beating his several incarnations, you think all is said and done. Wrong! Ghirahim’s master, Demise, shows up, and essentially turns Ghirahim into his weapon. The flamboyant villain we’ve been fighting all game isn’t the final boss? What?! Demise is a pain in the ass, but I was able to beat him on the second attempt. Side note, got the Hylian shield on my first boss run with the Thunder Dragon. Anyhow, when Demise is defeated, he threatens that his evil will continue to be reborn through the generations, and that he will plague Zelda and Link for all time. That’s creepy and all, but the entire game, literally, from the first time I saw him, I was waiting for Groose to succumb to darkness, and become Ganon. When he didn’t, I was disappointed. I looked at my roommate and said, Really? What the fuck?
  

Phantom Zelda in Spirit Tracks would have counted, if she wasn’t seen floating through the title screen. Kinda ruined the impact of the moment. 

There you have it, geek fans. What do you think? Did your moment make the list? Until next time, stay geeky, and keep gabbing! 

  

TCG Tuesday – Yugioh, Summons

  
 
By Joshie Jaxon 

Greetings Yugioh TCG fans! I’m here today at the Kaiba Dome in New New Domino City to talk to you about summons, and we’re not talking Bahamut, Diabolos, and Ifrit. I’m talking about monster summons in the Yugioh TCG. As I covered in my last post, there are a variety of monsters out there, and now we’re gonna learn how to call them to the field to do our bidding. Let the geeks begin! 

  

Normal Summons – 

Each turn you’re allowed to normal summon one monster, unless a card effect allows you an extra summon that round. Both normal, and effect monsters can be summoned this way, with one exception. Monsters that are level 1-4, as indicated by star * level, are able to be summoned directly to the field. Monsters that are level 5-8 can be summoned to the field, as long as another monster has been sacrificed/tributed. One sacrifice is needed for monsters level 5&6, while two sacrifices are needed for monsters 7 and above. 

  
This isn’t relevant to the above paragraph, I just wanted to include what the new game field looks like now. 

Special Summons – 

Unlike a normal summon, special summons are unlimited, as long as you have the cards to do it. There are a variety of special summons available in the game, and that’s where I’ll be spending the majority of my focus. 

Monster Effect – 

There are some monster cards that allow you to special summon other monsters as long as you satisfy the condition on the card. In the example of Kaibaman or Red Eyes Black Chick, they can be tributed from the field in order to summon Blue Eyes White Dragon and Red Eyes Back Dragon from your hand, respectively. 

  

Spell Card Effect – 

Certain spell cards grant you the ability to summon out more powerful monsters. Sage’s Stone allows you to summon a Dark Magician from your hand or deck, as long as Dark Magician Girl is on the field. Knight’s Title allows you to summon Dark Magician Knight to the field, from your hand, deck, or graveyard, provided you tribute a face-up Dark Magician. It wasn’t until writing this, just now, that I realized you could use those as a combo. Still learning and refining my skills, even now. More on combos in a later post.

  

Fusion Summons (Purple Cards) –  

Fusion summons allow you to combine two or more monsters together to create a monster that is generally stronger or has an ability greater than those of the monsters that created it. There are several types of fusion summons, and I’m gonna cover all three. Fusions were the easiest and most common types of monster combining there was until Synchros and Xyzs came along as the hot new thing. Those kinds are coming up, but for now, we’re talking good old fashioned fusions, like Mr. Muto used to make.

Standard Fusion – 

Two or more monsters fused together by the use of Polymerization, Fusion Gate, Miracle Fusion, Power Bond or other such cards. The monsters can come from your hand, or field, as long as they are listed as fusion materials on the card you want to summon. I know I’ve mentioned gaining power through fusion, here’s an example; Elemental Hero Sparkman, and Elemental Hero Clayman are both normal monsters with no special abilities. Add in a little Polymerization, and you get Elemental Hero Thunder Giant. Special ability, discard a card from your hand and destroy one of your opponent’s monsters, as long as it’s weaker than Thunder Giant. Gotta love special abilities.

  

Union Fusion – 

Union monsters merge with others, in the form of an equip card, generally granting the main card bonus ATK points, or an added ability. There are a few series of cards that allow the union monster to fuse with the original to create a fusion monster, without using Polymerization. X-Head Cannon, Y-Dragon Head, and Z-Metal Tank can merge with one other as XY/XZ/etc, but if you bring all three together you can summon XYZ-Dragon Cannon. Discard a card from your hand, and destroy a card on your opponent’s field. How sweet is that? 

  

Contact Fusion – 

Introduced during the GX generation, there hasn’t been any advances made in contact fusion since 5D’s and Zexal showed up. Hell, we didn’t even get to finish the GX anime, and I for one wanted to see Yugi vs Jaden in English. There were new Elemental Heroes with the manga, I’m just saying- Sorry, small rant. Anyhow, contact fusion is exclusive to Elemental Hero Neos. Similar to union monsters, the Neo Spacians can merge with Neos without the need for a Polymerization card. The only downside is that if you don’t have Neo Space on the field, the fusion only lasts for one turn. Given some of the abilities gained by this form of fusion though, one turn could be all you need. Take one part Neos, add Neo-Spacian Aqua Dolphin, and Neo-Spacian Air Hummingbird, you get Elemental Hero Storm Neos. Once a turn you can destroy all spell and traps on the field. When the fusion expires, and Storm Neos returns to the extra deck, all cards on the field are returned to their respective decks. Have I mentioned I love special abilities? 

  

Ritual Summon (Blue Cards) – 

Seen a few times in the anime, by Pegasus, and a few by Yami Yugi, there wasn’t much use for ritual monsters once Battle City started, and the Egyptian God Cards were introduced. Before that, there were no sacrifices in the anime, but they still needed a way to get powerful monsters out. In my opinion, Rituals were the precursor to modern Synchros. The main difference is, in order to summon the ritual monster, you have to have the monster, as well as the corresponding spell card in your hand. To perform the ritual summon, you have to play the spell card, and sacrifice from your hand or field, monsters whose level is greater than or equal to the ritual monster. Manage to get it out on your turn, and you still have a normal summon you can perform, giving you double the monsters to assault your friends with. Sometimes with fun abilities. Lycanthrope for example, when he damages your opponent, you can then inflict a bonus 200 points for each normal monster in your graveyard. Finally, a shifter I can get behind. 

  

Synchro Summons (White Cards) – 

Ah, Synchros. The creatures responsible for me missing out on the final season of GX. It’s possible that GX got too dark for modern kids, but I think they just wanted to promote these monsters and needed the anime to do it. I know, I know, let it go. You let it go. I missed out on Neos vs Dark Magician. I’m a professional, with a job to do. Synchro monsters can be summoned with a Tuner monster and non-Tuners on the field whose level exactly totals that of the Synchro monster you want to summon. Like any special summon you can do this as many times a turn as you have monsters to accomplish a successful summon. Turbo Synchron (1) Rose Witch (4) and Snapdragon (2) can be synchro summoned to create Ancient Fairy Dragon (7), who allows you to destroy field spells to gain 1000 LP, draw your own field spell, or skip your battle phase and special summon a level 4 monster from your hand. Yay, signer dragons! 

  

Xyz Summon (Black Cards ) – 

I’ll be honest, I have no personal dueling experience with Xyz monsters, and have only seen a handful of Zexal episodes. Unlike all other monsters, Xyz have ranks, not levels. As such, they can’t be used for Xyz, Ritual, or Synchro summons. To summon an Xyz monster, you need to have the required amount of monsters on the field. The materials are stacked and placed under the Xyz monster, as most of the require you to detach one of the material monsters to activate their special abilities. Mira the Star-Bearer requires three level 1 monsters in order to summon it. If Mira would be destroyed, you can remove a material monster to save it. Also your level 4 monsters can’t be destroyed by card effects. Seems like a decent ability. I’d have to duel with some Xyz monsters to get a better handle on them, but they seem cool. Plus, the cards are black, which is awesome. 

  

Pendulum Summon (Yellow/Orange and Green Cards) – 

The latest series-specific type of monster. It’s introduced in Arc-V, which has yet to hit the states. I’ve acquired a few cards, but have zero idea how to use them yet. As soon as I do, I’ll update with more detailed information. I’m just that dedicated to you, dear readers. 
Between writing the above paragraph and this one, I’ve found and watched the official pendulum tutorial on YouTube. I’m very conflicted on them now. I’ll cover their official rules first. A pendulum monster can be played as a spell or a monster card. If played as a spell, you look at the corresponding pendulum number on the card, and match it to the one on the field. When you have two pendulum spells on the field, you’re then allowed to pendulum summon any number of monsters from your hand that are between those levels. Example, with Stargazer and Timegazer Magician in the pendulum spell zone, you have a scale of 1 and 8, so you can summon any monsters level 2-7. Plus you still get your normal summon. Essentially, this method allows a player to easily summon Xyz, Synchro, and Fusion monsters. To me, though, it just seems like a way to have a quick game with minimal strategy, as you can get all your monsters on the field, and obliterate your opponent. Normally, I’m all for complete destruction, but this just doesn’t seem right to me. Again, no real world application yet, so my opinion is subject to change. 

  

There you have it, the basics of all forms of monster summoning. Gotta go, a temporal portal just opened up, and it’s gonna be Yugi and Yusei against Jaden and Yuma in an exhibition match. Until next time, stay geeky, and keep dueling! 

  

TCG Tuesday – Yugioh, Card Basics 

  

By Joshie Jaxon

Ever since I was 5, I’ve been a video gamer. Geek confession, I’ve never even played D&D. Please don’t think less of me for that. I never got into tabletop games that weren’t board games. That all changed around 2002. Having been introduced to the Yugioh anime, I wanted to be a duelist myself. On my 21st birthday I was gifted Yugi’s dueling deck, and I’ve been hooked ever since. As the title suggests, in today’s post I’m going to cover some basics of, you guessed it, the Yugioh Trading Card Game. Let the geeks begin! 

 
Monster cards – 

Monsters are the main cards you use to battle your opponent with.
Levels – Monster cards are assigned levels, based on the stars * that they have on them, ranging from level 1 to level 10. 

   
 
Categories – Monster cards have a variety of categories that they fall into; Normal, Effect, Ritual, Fusion, Synchro, and Xyz.

  

Type – Monster cards are divided into 24 types; Dragon, Spellcaster, Zombie, Warrior, Beast-Warrior, Beast, Winged Beast, Fiend, Fairy, Insect, Dinosaur, Reptile, Fish, Sea Serpent, Machine, Thunder, Aqua, Pyro, Rock, Plant, Psychic, Divine-Beast, Creator God and Wyrm. There are also Sub-types; Tuner, Gemini, Toon, Spirit, and Union. 
Attribute – Light, Dark, Earth, Wind, Fire, Water, and Divine. 

  

I’ll go into details on some of the above info in subsequent posts. They deserve more attention than just “basics”. For now though, let’s continue with the monster basics. 
Attack (ATK) / Defense (DEF) – 

Each monster card has attack and defense points. Usually these are within a handful of points of each other, making the monster balanced for offense or defense. There are times, however, when a monster is built to be an offensive or defensive monster. For example, although both are Elemental Heroes, Clayman has a much higher defense than offense, 2000 DEF vs 800 ATK, while Burstinatrix has a higher offensive stat, 1200 ATK vs 800 DEF. 

  

Description/Effect – The text for the card. In the case of Normal monsters, it is a description or bio of the monster. For Effect monsters, it is a description of what their effect is. Once again, I’ll use Elemental Heroes as an example. Sparkman gives us a bio about him being a warrior of light, whereas all we know about Wildheart is that he’s unaffected by the effect of traps. Poor Wildheart, no one knows anything about him. I get that these are playing cards, and space is limited, but even a tiny bio sentence, something. We want something to connect with besides the visual. I guess there always the anime, but not all cards get featured. 

  

Personally, I love the variety of the types of monsters you can get. There’s something for everyone, depending on your personality, and preferences. Not only can you pick monsters that are right for you, there is amazing artwork for each one. Generally, the subject is front and center, with an appropriate background for their element or type. Some cards just speak to a part of you, and you can’t explain why. I have an affinity for spellcasters, dragons, fiends, and heroes (warriors) myself. Not to say the other types aren’t great, because they are, but I don’t feel a compulsion towards them. I wonder if I could come up with a personality profile based on the types of monsters that people prefer. Perhaps it’s already been done. I don’t wanna get distracted and go look. Maybe later. Where was I? Oh yes, 
Spell cards – 

Originally called Magic cards, but I assume the people at Magic the Gathering had a problem with that, so it was changed. They’ll get their own spotlight post, but spells do a variety of things from direct damage, increase attack/defense, summon other monsters, and even change the playing field. In total there are 6 types of spell cards; Normal, Quick play, Equip, Field, Ritual, and Continuous 

   
 
Trap cards – 

The beauty of trap cards is their simplicity. Set it, and wait for the perfect time to spring it. The fewest type of cards available, there are only 3 types of trap cards; Normal, Continuous, and Counter. Three is more than enough though. They can destroy a monster instantly, or stop them in their tracks, and that’s just the beginning.

  

I could go on, as this is a subject I know a great deal about, but that would deviate from today’s theme. To summarize, dueling, good. Having no one to play with, bad. Get out there and find some friends whose butts you wouldn’t mind kicking, or potentially getting kicked by. Remember, no one likes a sore loser, but an ungracious winner is just as bad. It’s all meant to be fun, it is a game after all. Until next time, stay geeky, and keep dueling! 

  

Top 5 Tuesday- Digi-Feels?!?

by Bevianna Bones

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Good evening, afternoon, morning, or whatever it may be to you, readers; today I want to talk to you about something special; today I want to discuss the times that video games have given me the feels. It doesn’t happen often, but when games bring the feels out in a gamer it’s an important event. Inspired by my recent play through of The Last of Us, I thought to myself, “self, this is game is a genuine experience to play.” And then I thought, to myself, “self, the last time you felt this many feels from a video game was when you broke down your brother’s bedroom door to weep, blubberous, sobs into his arms because Sephiroth had just impaled Aerith…” So in the spirit of getting the feels on, I bring you my top five moments games have brought me the feels. Not always the sad feels, mind you, just so long as there was a genuine emotion produced, (other than delight of simply playing) it was enough of a qualifier for the candidate to make it on the list. Here they are, in no particular order…

5. The Last of Us

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I challenge anyone to play this masterpiece of a game and not have a single moment of feels. Naughty Dog so splendidly captured the human spirit, they in every way earned all of the accolades and awards this game was bestowed. “Dis is da most human zaambie ting you half evah seen…” Oh wait, that was Arnold talking about his role in Maggie. Nonetheless, this is a great game, and a great experience that tugs on your heart strings in all ways. Suspense, horror, hope, fear, love and loss; this one’s got it all.

4. Final Fantasy VII-Aerith’s Death

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I was 16 when Final Fantasy VII came out for the PS1, and when I first played it, it was single handedly the greatest game experience I had ever witnessed. The only things I had ever loved as much up to that point were Final Fantasy Adventure and my dog. (This still holds true in most cases)  As I played through this adventure for the first time, it was on a 5″ B&W television I had hard wired (via much splicing) my PS1 into. Much was lost in the beauty of the game, but it still sucked me in nevertheless. I became fully engrossed in the story and the characters, and then, one sad evening that bastard Sephiroth had to go and slay Aeris. Even though I knew it was coming, it still produced all kinds of feels and my brother was left to pick up the pieces of a weeping Bevianna.

3.Resident Evil-Cerebrus’ Hallway

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Who let the dogs out?! The first installment was a masterpiece in it’s own right. Albeit, awards for its Oscar-worthy voice acting performances aside. By no means does it live up to games in the current gen consoles (all though, the hd remake of the GameCube remake is a beautiful experience); not only did this first game really pushed the limits of the original PS1, but it was a completely new venture for Capcom, and introduced the world to “survival horror” games.  I had borrowed this game over a long weekend from a friend. My brother and I sat in the basement, playing all day, all night to try and complete it without using a strategy guide. The initial scare that was genuinely dealt out when Jill walks down the hallway for the first time and the Cerebrus jump through the windows will never be matched.  Except of course if they cast original Jill into more voice acting roles.

2. Dead Space:Extraction

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“What’s this?!”, I say, as I’m browsing the cheepy bin at Gamestop…a “game of the year” for the Wii that doesn’t have Mario on it? Actually made by a third party developer? Why not?! I have to see this to even believe it.  Dead Space: Extraction was the Wii integration of the Dead Space franchise. A space-horror rail shooter. Maybe it was the motion controls, or the notion of being abandoned in a space mine with terrible space creatures…or both…but this game legitimately pulled me into, at often times, an unpleasant sensory experience. All the while, from start to finish, the game never loses sight of the suspense it was intended to put you in. Most deserving of the E3 GOTY award it received, and by far the most horrific experience available on the Wii, aside from trying to play Dance on Broadway with a group of drunken lesbians.

5. ET: The Extra Terrestrial

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Alright, I’m not just trying to be funny here, but for me and many other gamers out there, this was the first time there was a resounding and accurate sense of “what the fuck?!?” ever created in digital form. And never has there been since. Perhaps, if Atari had thought a wee bit wiser, they could have remarketed the project to the military as a “confusion inducer,” rather than burying the lot of them in a giant landfill. Why does ET keep falling in holes? Why does he look like a pixel penis? And why does a man in a lab coat suddenly and randomly appear?? Howard Scott Warshaw was trying to make the most epic Atari cartridge ever, but sadly it was a rush job and limited by the hardware itself, so the nuances got lost in translation. Much like my Star Wars post… Oh the irony…

Until next time…I’m off to weep over the YouTube video I just saw that suggests that Cloud actually killed Aerithle soble really big sob!!!

BB

Cadillacs & Dinosaurs

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by Bevianna Bones

Rwaaaaarrrr!!!! That’s the sound of a dinosaur escaping black market poachers(?) Vrrrrrummmmmm!!!! That’s the sound of you firing up your Caddy and heading out to the City in the Sea to stop the evil dino poaching dastardly bastards! For, what would they want with so many dinos?  Aside from capturing them, violently torturing them, and genetically engineering them into maniacal weapons.  That’s the basic plot for the 1993 Capcom gem, (not to be confused with Jem…as there are no holograms here) Cadillacs & Dinosaurs. A most unusual mashup of everyone’s favorite things, Cadillacs and dinosaurs!  As much as I would like to give cred to Capcom for coming up with yet another ingenious mashup of whatthefuckery (see previous post on Quiz & Dragons…a general rule of thumb for life is, if Capcom made it and it includes and ampersand in the title PLAY IT!),  Cads & Dinos actually is based off of the 80’s comic Xenozic Tales. Popular enough to spawn a cartoon and the coinop game, there was also a later sequel for home consoles and PC. I always wondered why they dropped the original title though.

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Seems to me that a name like Xenozic Tales intrigues me enough to want to check it out. However, its likely that most consumers mistook it for supplemental prescription drug information, hence the name change. Cadillacs & Dinosaurs as a title pretty effectively describes what you’re investing your Washington’s in. (For those younger readers out there, that’s a reference to the quarter and/or token that one would have to place into the money slot on the machine to play) You know right upfront that there will be dinosaurs and Cadillacs as promised.  Insert coins and let’s go!

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Welcome to the character selection screen. There are four fully playable characters to chose from here, and up to three players can play simultaneously. This is beneficial for special team-up power special moves you can do with other players. The four characters all have a different play style, so often seen in these 90s circa Capcom classics.
Who should we pick? Well I know I have my favorite…But here’s a rundown on the choices:

Jack Tenrec: Both a mechanic and a shaman (balanced)

Hannah Dundee: A diplomat and explorer by profession (skilled) (otherwise known herein as Chynaperhaps one day she will find her way into her very own Glorious Girls of Gaming)

Mustapha Cairo: A dark colored guy. Haha just kidding, but with a name like that I had to insert at least one joke in there. Besides his official description is “Jack’s friend” also, he’s the speed type character. The dark guy is the fastest.  We all have a friend like that.

And finally there’s…

Mess O’ Bradovich: I promise I’m not making these last two names up. Mess, is a big, apparently Irish/Russian guy. With “an elusive past” Again, actual description here. And he of course, is the tank type player. I couldn’t have seen that one coming.

What with the lineup out there, I’m sticking with my all time fave, Chyna. Let’s go!

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Thunderthighs are on the move. Thunderthighs are loose. Feel the burning, hear the roar. Thunderthighs are loose. Thunder! Thunder! Thunder! Thunderthighs! 

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The gameplays very much like all Capcom CPS1 games, ie Final Fight clones. The controller layout is standard 8-way joystick/2 button, one jump, one attack with three sets for up to three players. The question has often been raised that why there is only 3 player support, when there are 4 playable characters. This is often seen on these CPS1 games, because many of them are simply boarded into existing cabinets. Hence the versatility of the Capcom Play System. An arcade owner could invest in one cabinet (likely Final Fight due to popularity and quantity of machines produced) and then change out the boards and bezel art to give it’s patrons a whole gaming experience. Thus gaining more revenue at a lower operating cost. Profit baby.

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I’ve got a million tidbids in my brain just waiting to share with you folks.

As Chyna, or any of the other 3 characters, you kick, punch, and jump (and chop and block and turn and pose…Parappa reference anyone?) your way to dino liberation through 8 levels of expectedly repetitive dino poacher hunting action. As promised, there is also a level where you are in the Cadillac hunting the dino poachers and their evil dinosaurs. Squee!!

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All in all, it’s actually quite a fun game, and for me it holds a special place in my heart. Check it out if you can find one in an arcade somewhere, or better yet, if you’ve got yourself a MAME or CPS1 emulator; and if not, then why are we friends?

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So that’s what happened to that kid from that one Disney movie

-BB

DmC: Devil May Cry

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-by Bevianna Bones

Ok, ok, so DmC isn’t a retro game by any means. But I’m sure there’s some way or another that I can attempt to justify it as something that belongs here on 3G. Let’s see…well it’s a “remake” of Devil May Cry. Well not really a “remake” in the terms of how games are “remastered” in HD for the next gen consoles. But more like a “re-envisioning” of the franchise. The original Devil May Cry was released in 2001 for the PS2. Originally intended as a sequel to Resident Evil. Betcha didn’t know that. See, there’s a reason you find yourself reading 3G. It’s just chalk full of useless information.

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Insert obscure reference here…one day I really should explain this shouldn’t I? Nah…why would I do a thing like that?

Anyway, obviously the series didn’t turn out as a sequel to Resident Evil at all. In fact, the only thing it has to do with that particular franchise is that it was developed by Capcom and became an immensely popular franchise. It’s spawned comics, anime, and even a crappy movie adaptation. And 4 sequels. Well, 5 if you include DmC. But, like I said, maybe, earlier is that DmC isn’t really a sequel, or even part of the cannon of franchise. It’s like a wonderfully created fanfic. Kind of in the same vein of the new Star Trek movies. So why is this finding a spot on 3G? Well because I thoroughly enjoy it, and it’s badassness. 

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Whatever! I do what I want!

The reboot was done by Ninja Theory, and Capcom stayed involved, at their request, to ensure the game still was reminiscent of the original titles. You know how these fanboys and fangirls are about things. You change one little thing and they get all upset. And that’s exactly what happened. They faced a barrage of negative previews on account that Dante wasn’t wearing the right costume. (Although there is an awesome part in the opening sequence where he stumbles into a white wig as a little hommage). Sounds stupid right? Who gets upset about those kinds of things? It doesn’t happen…

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But after the crazed fans actually played the thing they changed their minds. This game is spectacular to play, not only is it a visually beautiful, it has an epic soundtrack, and intense gameplay.  The storyline, reimagined follows Dante as a young man struggling with the demons that haunt him while living in a corrupt and brainwashed society. That’s all I’m gonna tell you about the plot. I don’t want any spoilers. But I will say, that familiar faces from the series do play intricate roles in the retelling of Dante’s destiny.

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Did I mention this was a pretty, pretty, gritty, dirty game? This is not your mama’s Devil May Cry. Check out the intro:

Not your mama’s Devil indeed. This game will put you on sensory overload. I recommend if you have a PS3 or a 360 to pick it up. You can probably find it at your local game shop for less than 10 bucks now. Or if you’re really fortunate and wise enough to own a PS4, they just released a full 1080i/60fps “definitive edition” back in March that also includes all the original DLC, character skins, side quests, and a new game modes called Bloody Palace that is essentially a batshit crazy kill everything in sight nonstop free for all that’s not to be missed. Buy it. Buy it now. And for everyone who can’t get used to this new fangled looking Dante, they even threw in an original skin for him. It’s a solid gaming experience with loads of replay value and unlockables. I’m giving it two snaps, a twist, and kiss!

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🙂

-BB