Easter Sunday is upon us, and in the spirit of celebrating zombies and giant bunnies, I decided to share with you one of my favorite horror films of all time. It seems as though I have a cult horror movie for just about every holiday out there. Enough so much that it might just become a recurring segment for us. We could call it Holiday Horrors.  And while Night of the Lepus isn’t specifically themed as an Easter movie, it does feature giant killer bunnies. What more could anyone ask for. Except for maybe Beaster Day:  Here Comes Peter Cottonhell.

The film opens with scenes and narration about plagues of rabbits ravaging the southwest valley, and parts of Australia. It’s a rabbit war!!

 Seems like there is a real epidemic of waskilly wabbits out there.   We see shots of several rabbit roundups, and in the first scenes, we know that we are in for quite a treat with the terror that these little fluffy guys can bring.  Any cynics out there, just ask Elmer Fudd how twicky and waskilly these darned things can be! 

Just a few minutes into the film we encounter the first casualty, which is Cole’s horse. The poor animal breaks its leg in a rabbit hole. The rancher then puts the horse out of its misery with his rifle. What would have been smart is if Cole had dismounted and led his steed through the rabbit infested area. There are literally dozens of the furry critters crouched around big piles of dirt. Damn those rabbits!

After his walk back to the house, Mr. Hillman resolves to call Eglin and see if there is some way to control the rabbits without resorting to poison. Dammit Jim! These are rabbits, not mindless, killing beasts!!

Enter the Bennetts, who are entomologists. Despite the apparent mismatch of specialties, they are enlisted by Eglin to help address the rabbit problem. What do they use? An experimental DNA-altering serum supplied by another scientist. Poison is evil, but a little harmless genetic tampering sure is environmentally friendly. Amanda is distraught when daddy gives her favorite lab bunny an injection. She switches rabbits when the adults are not looking and takes the gene-seeded monster along with her to Hillman’s ranch. There she runs afoul of Jackie, who yells that he hates rabbits. The young boy pulls the bunny away from Amanda, then lightly sets it down so it can dive down a nearby hole.  And thus begins a chain of deadly events. It seems as though it would be wise to keep small children out of science labs, but there again, maybe that’s just me.

An indeterminate period of time passes before people start being killed by giant slow motion rabbits. They eat a refrigeration truck driver, along with the contents of his truck, and even a group of people at a picnic ground. Well, “eat” may be a stretch, what we see is people smeared with thick red paste and their clothes ripped, but never anything else.

Despite those large incisors, there are not even chunks missing out of the bodies. Hell, nobody is even scratched. I thought the rabbits were hungry. Did I miss the part where it is explained why the rabbits are suddenly carnivorous? None of the characters are surprised either; once they accept the idea that giant bunnies are loose the change to a meat diet is totally ignored. Why bother with the details.

The rabbits made their den in an abandoned mine. This allows Mr. Hillman and the Bennetts to set dynamite and collapse the mine on them. Before that though, they do something colossally stupid: Roy and Cole venture into the mine to see and photograph exactly what is running loose (the mine exploration is when they discover the true furry face of unspeakable horror). Once they find the rabbits it is time to leave, quickly. A swarm of hopping mammals streams after the two men.

 Lucky for them that the rabbits are filmed in slow motion and on scale models, otherwise they would probably have been caught and eaten.  The rabbits appear to be very threatening, the concept is quite effective.  However, the real movie magic happens when the bunnies attack. Then somebody wearing a dark-furred Easter Bunny suit takes over. 

Roy and Cole dash out of the mine and the dynamite is detonated, burying many of the rabbits under tons of rock and soil. The end. Well that’s what they think anyway, but not even close. We are talking about rabbits. What nobody seems to think of is that rabbits can dig. The furry monstrosities dig their way out of the mine and conduct a reprisal raid against the Hillman ranch and a nearby town (population, about six). There is only one casualty (besides the horses) at Cole’s place.

He hikes to the nearby town to find assistance, but discovers the buildings are filled with a black, brooding presence. Inside each darkened edifice lurks a horror that mortal man was not meant to witness. Else, he might claw away the flesh from his skull trying to rid his diseased mind of the horrible image of: giant rabbits, sitting calmly. Cole, for his part, stumbles to a pay phone, calls Roy, and slowly says, “There are more of them damn rabbits.” 

With the startling news that the rabbits are out for blood, the humans are slow to organize a counterattack. Soon there are National Guard troops available to stem the furry tide, but the Lepus expeditionary force outmaneuvers the state militia. The town of Ajo is next in line for a butt-kicking as the rabbit Rommel leads his forces over a bridge to outflank the defenders. Gerry and Amanda, who, to avoid the media frenzy that was expected to surround the rabbits, had set out for yet another city in the Bennett’s camper-equipped pickup, are also in harm’s way. The truck gets stuck in deep sand at a remote turnoff. 

Roy is temporarily diverted in his quest to save Ajo from giant bunnies by the search and rescue mission for his family. Do not worry, the girls are fine. The plan to save Ajo is, however, of dubious value. Utilizing about a hundred civilian vehicles that were at a drive-in, the authorities plan to channel the rabbits into a narrow approach. With the cars’ headlights on full, the Lepus invaders will be forced to assault directly into interlocking machinegun fire and a final protective line created by an electrified railroad track.

With a roar (well, as much of one as you might expect from bunnies), the Lepus charge.
Those that are not machine-gunned or flamethrowered to death hit the tracks and die in agonizing pain as the electricity arcs and crackles.  

When it is over all that remains is acres of burnt bunnies. That must smell AWFUL. In the final scene, Cole tells Roy the normal rabbits have returned to the ranch. And so have the coyotes.  That’ll keep those varmints from wreaking a bunny apocalypse ever again! 
-BB

An Introduction to Duckworld: A Howie Series Special Presentation
-by Bevianna Bones

The thought of discussing the 1986 cinematic gem that is Howard the Duck, excites me more than words can even describe.  This movie is so near and dear to me, I love it more than I would love my own offspring. It’s my happy place and has been for nearly 30 years. I knew that I wanted to share my love of this with you all, but was at a loss at how I could properly honor it in a single post. Therefore, in the spirit of our recurring Glorious Girls of Gaming series, I give you, The Howie Series. This series will allow us to encompass all areas of the epic greatness that Howie has to offer. Not just a straightforward boring review, but in depth investigations into all aspects.

For the opening entry in the series, I find it best that we start at Howie’s beginnings back in Duckworld. The opening moments of the film are often remembered as most folks favorite scenes, primarily for one snippet in particular. Duckboobs.

The duckboobs are so essential to the prologue of this film, these feathery twins nearly deserve their very own entry. But we’ll save them for another day. 

Duckworld is seen in only the intro of the movie, but those 5 minutes are 5 minutes of genius.  The effort that was put into the details to recreate an entirely parallel universe to that of our Earth is astounding when you consider ALL of this effort was made for the introduction to the movie. It sets up the plot and let’s the viewer know two very important things.  Firstly, this walking, talking, duck-man is very much like us and we therefore will identify with his anguish and his triumph. He has pictures of his duck family and all of his favorite duck movies on the wall.

His apartment is clean, but lived in. He comes home to his duck apartment from a long day at his duck job, goes to his duck kitchen and gets in the duck fridge, grabs a duck beer, sits in his duck chair in what I assume is his duck living room, he reaches for the duck zinger (zinger is a proper term for an item also known as a remote) and switches on the duck television. 

Here we are treated to all kinds of horribly duck punned related programming. Duck Dance Frenzy!!! Duck soap operas! Duck jock itch!! Duck game shows!!! Duck electronics blowout sales!!! This duck must be crazy!! He’s slashing prices and beating up duck VCRs and wearing a very tiny duck crown! Yes he IS the KING of discounts! Crazy Webby is indeed insane with these prices!!

Secondly, not only do we all identify with the protagonist, but the minds behind this movie put so much joy, so much effort into the first few minutes alone must mean that we the viewers are in for a truly epic 2 hour movie event.

So there Howard sits relaxing, sipping away on the duck beer, bored with the television’s programming choices, he reaches for a brown bag and pulls out the latest issue of Playduck and sees what Miss October has to offer. Yep. More duckboobs. Not just duckboobs, ducksideboob! We just can’t get enough!

Howard must’ve gotten worked up during that jock itch commercial, because not only does he look at his duck crotch, he gives his duck package a little shake. It’s subtle, but it’s there. Trust me. Look for it.

While admiring this center-fowl’d beauty in all of her feathery delight, Howard suspects that there is an earthquake as everything starts shaking and rumbling.  This is our sign that its time to say goodbye to Duckworld.

Howard is flung from the comforts of his home and hurled towards earth via the Spaceray Armchair Express. On his way out of town, he goes careening through hi slumlord apartments, and we see even more midgets in duck suits portraying all kinds of apartment slum stereotypes. The old couple so miserable in each others existence that they aren’t even certain if anything had just occurred. Had the armchair express actually crashed through the wall, or had the duck wife simply been so hopeful for a small piece of excitement that she imagined the whole thing.

From one apartment to the next, we see the infamous duckboobs as she bathes away in her bubblebath sipping one too many cocktails. We see the elevator where the duck construction worker has brought home what I have to assume is a duck prostitute.

Then out onto the streets, we see the funky bunch give a collective “DA fuck?!” up towards the sky. Note the blackface duck. Duckworld is a progressive place.

Howard is ejected from the stratosphere and an ominous voice narrates an abbreviated version of the beginning of life. By the way, did I mention Duckworld is shaped like an egg?
Yep. It is. So creative the minds behind this.  More on this another time. But for now, all we really need to know is that it begins with, “COSMOS!…”

And ends with “HOWARD the DUCK!” as Howie is catapulted through the universe, perhaps million and billions of light years away through a giant funnel straight down to a rape alley somewhere in what we later discover to be Cleveland.
What will happen to our feathered friend? What “fowl” plan is afoot?? Tune in next time. Same ducktime. Same duckchannel.