Author Archives: beviannajaxon

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers – Day of the Dumpster 

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By Joshie Jaxon

Ahh, after 10,000 years I’m free! It’s time to conquer Earth! Alpha! Rita’s escaped! Recruit a team of teenagers with attitude! Go! Go! Power Rangers! I loved this series from the very beginning, over twenty years ago. Lord, I feel old now. I didn’t care about the dubbing, the stock footage, or the bad acting. All I cared about was how I was gonna get $2 from my mom so I could have a blank VHS so that I wouldn’t miss anything if I didn’t get home from school in time. I still have my original Megazord, secure in a plastic tub with all the other Megazords through Rangers in Space. However, adult-me sees things that kid-me didn’t. Let the geeks begin! 

  

We open on a space shuttle, landing on what is supposed to be our moon. However, that opening shot isn’t our planet or moon, and when we see the explorers on the surface, there’s what appears to be another planet in the distance. Unless it’s a moon dome and I just think it’s another planet. I dunno, I never saw the super sentai. Alright, hold up, if this is supposed to be the moon, why are there clouds in the sky? Twenty seconds in an already I’m having issues. I’ll have to channel my Voltron nostalgia filter to get through this. Activate interlock! Dyna-therms connected! Nostalgia filter is go! The explorers see what they can only naturally assume is a space dumpster, cause why not? They go to open it. Cause again, why not? For that matter, why is it that the prison for an evil empress is able to be opened so easily? 

  

Goldar, Finster, Squatt, and Baboo appear. Note worthy, Goldar has no wings. The minions tell Rita to get up, and that they’re free. Also noteworthy, now Goldar has wings. Finster is glad to be free after 10,000 years. Funny, they emerged as energy balls, but somehow were able to count the days while they were contained. Then again, evil space aliens, led by a fierce diva with a Madonna cone brazier and hair to match. Stranger things have happened. Anyhow, Rita destroys their former prison, and the space explorers scramble to get away. She says they shouldn’t miss her coming out party. She’s going to take over the nearest planet. We pan up to what is allegedly earth. Gasp! 

  

Angel Grove youth center. Kimberly, in pink, is on the balance beam. Jason in red and Zack in black are sparring. Trini, clad in yellow, is doing her breathing, and striking poses. Tai chi? Then Billy shows up in his glasses, white Gi, blue headband, and matching button down under it. I get that he’s supposed to be the nerd, and Jason the hunky jock, but I always liked Billy more, over all. While we’re at it, I’d like to point out how stupid the producers must have felt that kids are. Each of these teens is in the color of the ranger they’re going to become. I’d call spoilers on myself, but the opening credits already show us who’s who. In case you can’t keep them straight when they’re not fighting bad guys, and even though they’re individuals that you can identify on sight, all you need to know is what color they’re wearing. Give us a little credit. In 1993 I may not have been able to fully tell when it was original vs US footage, but I knew the characters. Side note, I can totally tell on the footage now. Where was I? Oh yeah, enter Bulk & Skull, the “punks” of the series. They ask out Kimberly and Trini, and are naturally shot down. As they get all bulk smash, Zack steps up. The girls say they’ve got this. Bulk & Skull launch themselves at them, and are flipped over for their trouble. Girls rule! Boys drool! 

  

Actual Earth moon this time. Palace of the empress of evil. Rita is looking at the Earth through her telescope. Goldar, sans wings, and the others, speak of world domination as Finster is ordered to make putty patrollers. 
Back in Angel Grove, Jason is teaching his karate class. Billy, in stereotypical nerd fashion, isn’t doing as well. Jason pauses the class, and they stand with their backs to Billy as Jason gives him some one on one. Dunno if that’s a respect thing or what, but I wouldn’t mind one on one with either of them. Jason says even he was a beginner once. I just bet you were. I remember those gay porn rumors. Untrue, of course, but still. Jason asks what martial arts teaches. Yet again, in stereotypical nerd fashion, Billy gives the right answer and is praised for memorizing it so quickly. Bulk & Skull show up and wanna learn how to beat people up. Jason says that’s not what martial arts is for. Bulk didn’t sign on for the geek class. Jason shows him a high kick, and surprisingly, Bulk does it. Tornado kick on the other hand, lands him on his ass. Later, in their color appropriate street clothes, Jason is telling Billy he did good for his first class. Trini agrees, it’s all mental. Ernie shows up with smoothies, and that’s when the earthquake hit. 

  

Buildings shake. Freeways shake. People are fleeing the safety of door frames and tables to run into the streets. 
Command Center. Danger! Danger! It’s the big one! Calm down, Alpha, it’s just Rita. She’s attacking the planet. How very matter of fact, Zordon, thank you. Now, teleport five overbearing, and over-emotional humans. No! Not teenagers! Alpha pushes a button, and we cut back to the youth center. Our five color-clad kids are wondering what’s going on, as they stand on stairs. You’re in California, shouldn’t you know earthquake safety? Jason yells for them to hold on, as they’re teleported away. They arrive in an empty command center. Billy is in nerd heaven. Despite the situation being so dire that they needed outside help, Zordon and Alpha still wanted to make an entrance. Alpha tells them not to touch anything, as Zordon appears. Who are you? What are you? Oh, just an inter-dimensional being caught in a time warp. Again, vat the hell is a time vorp? Zordon brought them cause the planet is in danger, and they need to save it. Observe the viewing globe. We see Rita, and a winged Goldar terrorizing a city. 

  

Zordon tells them they will be given power based on the ancient creatures they call dinosaurs. Does that mean they have them on other planets, and Zordon calls them something else? Morphers appear on each of them. Zack asks what they are. Yet another side note, Zack only has four fingers on his left hand. Oddly, all five fingers of the black ranger move. It’s almost like they spliced two shows together. Anyhow, Zordon says that if they raise them to the sky, and call their dinosaur name, they will morph. Morph? Yes, Kimberly, metamorphosis. Trini explains for Billy that it means to change. Smart Asian; shocking. Time to divvy up some powers; Jason, bold and powerful, Tyrannosaurus. Zack, clever and brave, mastodon. Kimberly, graceful and “smart”, pterodactyl. Billy, patient and wise, triceratops. Trini, fearless and agile, Sabertooth tiger. Zordon says their zords will be able to combine when needed to form the mighty Megazord. Zack and brain-trust Kimberly are ready to bail. Jason, Billy and Trini hang around a moment until peer pressure makes them leave too. Now, even though they walked out on him, Kimberly still complains that Zordon could have sent them back to town. Bitch.

  

On the moon, Rita is surprised that Zordon is using teenagers to try and stop her. Um, in a space dumpster for 10,000 years, yet is able to see exactly where Zordon and the super teens are on Earth; still opts to attack the city each week, rather than the command center. No wonder your boss shows up next season. Oops, spoilers. Finster makes plenty of puttys. Time to get those teenagers. Again, Rita blasts at the teenagers, rather than the command center. I’m just saying, it’s right there. The puttys attack, and power teens go down one by one. First Billy, naturally. Gotta reinforce nerd stereotypes. Then Kimberly. Same thing, but with pretty girls. Then Zack, cause, you know. *whispers, he’s black. Next is Trini, leaving the last one standing as Jason, the straight, white, jock. Am I reading too much into it? Maybe, but it is what it is. Tired of sitting in a pile, they decide to finally do something useful. It’s Morphin time! Mastodon! Pterodactyl! Triceratops! Sabertooth Tiger! Tyrannosaurus! Since they earned Zordon’s favor by using the Morphers, they get teleported back to the city. Guys? There are still putty patrollers near the command center. Guys? Oh, forget it. They’re too busy posing on a rooftop. 

  

Winged Goldar shows up with puttys, and the fighting starts. This time around, they actually kick some ass. Rita is less than pleased. Baboo suggests she makes Goldar grow with her wand. She has to do everything around here. Magic wand! Make my Goldar grooooow! *Joshie gets chills. Goldar grows, and loses his wings in the process. Power poses! We need dinozord power! *more chills. As the zords merge into tank mode, Trini makes a comment about them knowing how to operate them. Billy agrees, it’s like second nature. Well, at least they got that in there. In the cockpit, left to right, we have blue, yellow, red, pink, black. Remember that in a sec. They use the mega tank to blast Goldar, but it isn’t enough. Activate battle mode. Megazord sequence has been initiated. *Joshie has merging Voltron flashbacks, and fanboys a little. As the megazord stands, we have a reverse view of the cockpit. Now, left to right is black, yellow, red, pink, blue. Kimberly and Trini must have played musical chairs. They’re back to normal seating once the battle starts. Darn editors. The megazord fights Goldar, but they aren’t damaging him. They need the power sword! Goldar sees how big it is, and flees. Rita can’t believe he failed! He says it won’t happen again. Shut up! She has a headache! 

  

Zordon congratulates the team on beating Goldar. Um, he fled. Anyhow, there are three rules that must be followed. Don’t get Rita wet. Don’t feed Rita after midnight. Oops, that’s Gremlins. 

  

Don’t use your power for personal gain. Don’t escalate a fight unless Rita forces you. Finally, keep your identity secret. Zack says that’s great and all, but they got lucky. Nonsense, they’re as fine a group of super heroes as there has ever been. No way! Yes way, Kimberly. They’re all in. Except Kim. The outfits are cool and all, but her hair gets all tangled in the helmet. She doesn’t think she can do it. Priorities and all. Not! Yes, actual dialogue. She said “Not!”. It was 1993, we’ll cut her a tiny bit of slack. Her vapid 90’s bimboness causes Aloha to blow a fuse. He just can’t believe people thought that was funny. Group hands in the center. Leap in the air. Freeze frame. Credits. 

  

Until next time, stay geeky, and keep gabbing! 

My Very Own Apple Tree

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By Bri Bones

When Bevianna and I were little, we used to go on road trips with our parents. On this particular trip, we were visiting the grandparents who were living outside of Las Vegas. We were in our dad’s old Datsun pickup. I was probably 9, she was 4. She and I were in the back of it, under the shell. (It was the 80’s, you could do stuff like that then.) We had blankets, pillows, books, my portable cassette player, and a variety of snacks and water.  
This trip was over, and we were on the way back to Salt Lake. For those of you who don’t know, it’s about an 8 hour drive. 

  

Somewhere in the desert, she ate an apple. While eating it, she swallowed a seed. She told me she did, and my response was to tell her that there was going to be an apple tree growing in her stomach.  

  

I remember so it so vividly. She was 4, she believed everything her big bro would tell her. (There’s also the time I would put refrigerator magnets by her head and tell her I was erasing her memories, but that’s a story for another day.)  

  

For every thought she had, I had a response. 
“Apple trees need dirt to grow in.”
“Well, remember when we were playing in the dirt and you fell and got some in your mouth? You probably swallowed some.”
“Apple trees need water”
“Every time you take a drink you’ll give it some.”
“Apple trees need sun!”
“Every time you open your mouth, the sun will shine down inside there.”
And so forth.
I kept this up for at least 2 hours. By the time we stopped at a rest area, she was in hysterics and I was feeling very proud of myself.
  

Until, of course, mom opened the door of the shell and saw what was going on. 
Needless to say I got in soo much trouble, and she learned to never trust anyone again. 
As we grew up, this eventually became one of her and mine’s favorite brother/sister stories.
I tell this story, because, firstly, it makes me cackle like Palpatine on Smilex Gas, but secondly…umm…ok, honestly I know it feels like I should put an ending here where I sum up and make some profound point about growing up or parenting, but to be honest, I just tell the story because it makes both of us laugh. So, let’s see, a lesson…always share? 

  
Goodnight everybody.

Top 5 Tuesday – Celebrititties!! @@

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-by Bevianna Bones

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Well…listen to my story bout Gabrielle, a cute young gal that’s looking’ pretty swell, soft blonde hair, such a lovely lass, nice round breasts and a firm young @a…

Oh alright, so my top five today might not necessarily be a heightened topic of interest to some of our readers, but even gay men can’t deny how much magically awesomely wonderfully amazingly stupendously joyfulness a beautifully made bust can instill in a person. The Hetmen and Lesbos love em, all women wish they had a great set, and gay men think their fun. Yes, boobies are one of life’s joys indeed. In honor of their greatness, I give you my all-time top five favorite Celebratitties, and a few honorable mentions. They don’t all have to be big and beautiful, each of these ladies wins for shape and form, and nearly all of them gave me feelings I didn’t quite understand at one point or another.

5. Susan Sarandon in Rocky Horror Picture Show

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These were the first boobies that I ever really loved. I was so drawn to them. Look at that shape! Look at that cleavage! It just makes you wanna touch-a-touch-a-touch them! Moving on…

4. Lea Thompson from Howard the Duck/Back to the Future

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Anyone who’s followed our posts knows of my undying affection for two things. One being Howard The Duck, and the second being Lea Thompson. These might not be the biggest gals on the list, but she is rocking the cleavage as Lorraine, and as Bev…well, the way that little nightie hangs off the curves of the peaks…aaaannnd, moving on…

3. Geena Davis circa Earth Girls are Easy

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Oh a young Ms. Davis was quite something. Reminiscent of a walking pinup.  These ladies have just the right mixture of roundness, perkiness, and a wonderfully shadowy valley. I remember when I was a teenager I had a very vivid image in my head involving a young Ms. Davis, brunette Madonna (aka Like a Prayer or League of Their Own Madonna), and Lori Petty from Tank Girl.  Sadly, that image was shattered by things I can’t unsee (see my Tank Girl post)…moving on…
Also, if you haven’t seen Earth Girls are Easy, you really, really should.

2. Lucy Lawless from Everything…

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Ok, so there’s a third thing that I have undying love for, and that’s our Lucy. (See Lucy post…) The second largest gals on the list, they nicely fill out anything you put them in. Love the moundful cleavage. It was one of the greatest moments of my life the first time she shed her robe on Spartacus….aaaaaannd moving on…

1. Katy Perry

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I have no words…except…oh the roundness and plumpness…not to mention her pinup photoshoots…oh my. I’ll spare the readers the joy/horror (depending on your inclination) of the many KP jiggle GIFs that are out there. There’s actually an entire website devoted to just them.

You might not agree with everything on this list, but these all-time fave celebratitties all have a special place in my heart. Here are two that almost made the list…

Renee O’ Connor: Runner-Up

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3 Teets (from Total Recall): Honorable Mention

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C’Mon everyone, I had to include her in there somewhere…you all know she was your favorite part about the movie…well that and the midget hooker with the machine gun…

-BB

Console Classics – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV, Turtles in Time

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By Joshie Jaxon
Major nostalgia attached to this game. Not only did I used to play it in the arcade, I played it at home on the SNES. My cousin and I had a record that we used to able to beat the entire game in roughly half an hour. Sadly, when writing this piece, it took me over an hour. I blame it on the fact I was playing with myself. I mean, that there was no second player. Pervs. Let the geeks begin!

  

The game itself is simple enough. You control either Donatello, Leonardo, Raphael, or Michelangelo. Krang took the Statue of Liberty during one of April’s broadcasts. Once again, Shredder is up to no good. Rather than regular human authorities trying to stop him, cause who can fight a giant android with a living brain in it’s belly? It’s up to our pizza loving heroes. 

  

The first few levels have us travel through Manhattan, alleys, and the sewers. The entire time we get to whomp on the seemingly never ending Foot Soldiers. They’re robots though, so it’s ok that we kick their asses. It’s even more satisfying when you get to throw them at the screen. The end of each level features a member of the Turtles’ rogues gallery. They have a visible health bar, but in case you’re too engrossed to look at it, the weaker the boss gets, the more they glow red/orange/yellow. 
The real fun doesn’t begin until the Technodrome level. You fight your way through it, to battle Tokka and Rahzar. Upon their defeat, they revert to a wolf and turtle. Should you accidentally hurt the wolf version, it makes whimpering noises. Very odd thing to put into a cartoony kids game in the early 90’s, but whatever. After beating those two, it’s time to take on Shredder. He’s in a tank, and firing at you from the screen. Remember how I said you could throw Foot Soldiers? Guess how you defeat Shredder? That’s right, you summon Magneto and tell him that Shredder is anti-mutant. Actually, maybe that was just some bad fan fiction. Moving on. 

  
Once you’ve tossed enough of his flunkies into him, Shredder announces that he’s banishing you to a time warp. Vat the hell is a time vorp? 

  

Alright, I’m just gonna say it, Shredder has time travel technology, and rather than using it to say, I dunno, stop your enemies from mutating in the first place, you decide to hurl them back in time, as well as some minions and a boss, and hope they die before they reach you? Da fuq? Seriously, Saki, your boss is a literal brain and neither of you thought that through? Sigh. The game is fun, but as an adult the logistics of it baffle me a bit. For example, once you beat Slash in the dino-themed level, you just move to a new time period. There’s no explanation as to how or why. Logically, I’m sure the boss has a way to return to their proper time, but why not just ditch the turtles back there, and leave? For that matter, with the boss vanquished, do the Turtles just leave them back there to muck up history? Doubtful. Why not just return to their normal time period? The real reason for this behavior is that this was an arcade game, and we didn’t want a lot of story for our quarter. We wanted to mash buttons and kick some bad guy ass. 

  

After going through all these levels and bosses; 

Big Apple 3am – Baxter

Allycat Blues – Metalhead

Sewer Surfin’ – Rat King 

Technodrome Let’s Kick Shell – Tokka & Rahzar / Shredder 

Prehistoric Turtlesaurus – Slash 

Skull and Crossbones – Bebop and Rocksteady 

Bury my Shell at Wounded Knee – Learherhead

Neon Night Riders – Android Krang

Starbase Where no Turtle Has Gone Before – Krang
We return to the final level, Technodrome the Final Shellshock, where our opponent is none other than Super Shredder. Available now, for only two easy payments of $19.95, plus shipping and handling. Wrong super shredder. This one has three distinct attacks, based on his super saiyan aura color. Red, where he throws fire. Blue, where you can be turned into a turtle-cicle. And green, where you can be turned back into a harmless turtle. 

  

Wait, wait, wait, didn’t I have that idea earlier? Now, not only can he do it, he doesn’t finish you when he had the chance. I know, I know. Whose side am I on? It’s been well established I love villains. That’s not going to change. 

  

With the Shredded vanquished, the Statue of Liberty is returned to her home. April thanks the Turtles, as Splinter stands right there on local, or maybe national tv. Good thing it’s just a game, or there would be consequences in the next episode. In conclusion, this game still holds up 23 years later, and is still challenging. So go play with yourself, or play with a good friend. Just play; you’ll be glad you did. Goodnight everybody! 

Howard the Duck-Down and Out in Cleve-land

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-by Bevianna Bones

It’s been a while since I have blessed you with an installment of the Howie series.  Mainly due to the fact that a coworker of mine referenced another dwarfish, obnoxious, angry little coworker as “Howard”. It’s been hard to shake the image of him in a duck suit out of my head, but alas, my love for this great cinematic masterpiece is so grand, and it’s so beloved, that nothing can deter me from its magnificent feathery duckboob filled adventures for too long. Now I bring you the next installment of our Howie series…down and out in Cleve-land.

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When we last left Howard, he and Bev had gotten in a big fight; him stating he doesn’t need her charity, and her saying so long duckie! Howard is faced with immediate problems, such as a source for food, clothing, and shelter. He must get a job. Off to the unemployment office he goes. He has donned a new look and meets his sassy-black-lady-with-big-chest-of-drawers case worker. She doesn’t actually have a name in the script, but I’m gonna call her Bertha.  Too much sauce on that chicken!

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Apparently Bertha sees a whole lot of crazy in her day to day affairs, because she isn’t even phased by Howard’s controversial look, in fact she has the perfect job for him. She even tells him he’s gonna take to it like a duck to water.

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Finally some more duck puns. It’s been five minutes since the last duck themed joke, I was starting to get worried that the writers had lost focus of the key elements of this picture.  But Bertha could have been a bit nicer to Howie…afterall, it’s not his fault he has to shoplift in the little tykes section of goodwill.

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Howard leaves with a new career, and we are transported into a magical 80sriffic hot tub paradise. Complete with lava pits. First duckboobs in the first 3 minutes, and now sexy swinging 80s hot tub palace?! How did this not get an R rating. Think of the children.

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You know there’s a porn of that if you Bing it…

Howard’s just about had it handing out towels, lotions and disinfectants. Geez, it must be mating season.  These are Howard’s jokes verbatim, not mine.  He stops for a cig break and we get a glimpse of the sweaty hairy 80s pimp.

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So much wrong here…

He demands Howard to get back to work, as there is a plugged jet in number five. Howard can’t take the humiliation anymore and shoves the sleeze into the dirty lava with a boisterous “I quit!”

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A duck needs to have his dignity! Hmph!

Broke, unemployed, with no where to go, Howard wanders the streets of Cleve-land.  He meets much discrimination and finds out that humans are not very kind to the feathery type. Afterall, it’s duck hunting season.

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I’m not gonna stop til I shoot all those fuckers out of the sky…actual dialogue.

And Howie, stay away from the San Francisco treat…

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Terrified by what he has seen on the television, and backfired cars, he runs off into an all familiar alleyway.  Yes, viewing audience. We are so smart. It’s thee alleyway.

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The one where Howard landed in Cleve-land from Duckworld.  The one where it all began. The one, gasp, where he met Bev. Time for another great Cherry Bomb ditty and Howard makes his way to the bar, to hopefully restore his relationship with the only one who looked out for him.

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Will Bev take him back? Will she give him a chance after how-ie (get it) treated her? Or will she sing more forlorn love songs?

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Don’t Walk Away…

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It’s like she’s singing to me…but how-ied (get it) she know that I was going to be here…

What happens next is a tale of space rabies and interspecial love…but that’s a tale for another day.

-BB

Pride Post – Suicidal Tendencies

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By Joshie Jaxon
 

Suicidal tendencies is a misnomer, but it is a better title for a post. That will be my one and only joke on this. This one is vey personal for me. I’m not sure where I want to begin. There’s so much on my mind, that I want to make sure that I share it all, but that I’m also sensitive to those who may be struggling as well. To date, I am thirty-three years old, and while I’ve never actually attempted suicide, I can honestly say that it is something that has gone through my mind more than once during my time on this planet. These thoughts are not something that people are prepared for. Not to discount the ladies, but I think it is harder for men. All our lives we’re raised to be tough, manly, and unexpressive about our feelings; as such, we don’t know how to process them when they happen.

  
 

It’s especially harder on gay men, and youth. Depending on your upbringing, you may have been told nothing one way or another about homosexuals. You may have been raised to respect all people, no matter who they are, since we all have our own struggles, we don’t need to make it worse on others. The flip side of that coin, is that you may have been raised to think that being gay is a sin, evil, an abomination, and that you’re going to hell simply because of who you are, and who you love. As gay men, not only are we raised with one of these mentalities, our parents have no idea what we had to struggle through growing up. Always having to change pronouns, or not looking at someone for too long for fear they might realize that we were checking them out.

  
 

At least in my experience, there was no way to prepare to be the gay man I am today. The struggle was real, and it ate me alive more than I ever would admit out loud or even to myself in private. I just didn’t have the strength to stand up for myself against the world at the time. I still feel like that on occasion. Our hearts get broken, and it is so intense, and so painful that we just can’t process it. Some people stress eat, others cut or self harm, but we’re all just trying to bury, bleed, or avoid the pain because it is just too intense for us to comprehend that it will ever pass. Let me assure you that it does.

  
 

Late last year, a relationship formed that was so fast, and so intense, that it surprised me that such a thing could still happen to me at my age. However, the relationship ended, and I was left as heartbroken as I’d been in years. Even having gone through heartache before, I was still unprepared for such things. I’m not one to cry, and could count on one hand the number of times I have since this century began, and still have a finger left over. Crying is another thing that as boys/men, we’re taught not to do. I think it’s drilled into us that it’s a sign of weakness, and shouldn’t be done. I know in my head that isn’t true, but it’s still not something I allow myself to do. I literally don’t know how. Certain things may bring a tear to my eye, but that’s about it. We need to work on that as individuals, as well as a community.

  

When that relationship ended, it left a void in my heart, and made me question my worth. I didn’t see my place in the world, and for a brief time, I didn’t want to be a part of it anymore. Since I’m here and typing this, obviously those feelings passed. Heartbreak is all encompassing when it’s fresh. Our parents/guardians know from their own experiences, but since so few of us are raised in same-sex households, there’s only so much they are able to draw from to try and get us through it. As homosexuals, we’re the target of hatred and inequality. We can get beaten up by those who think we’re inferior. That’s not something those before us had to really deal with.

  
 

As homos, when we lose someone that was once close to us, we aren’t raised with a “there’s plenty of fish in the sea” mentality. The heteros outnumber us quite a bit. As far as we’re concerned, we may never find another person to love us again. The thought of that sort of existence is depressing to say the least. Couple that with a family that may have thrown you out for being gay, and one could see where it may be easier to just end it all, rather than fighting through the world as it currently is. I’ve lost two different friends to suicide since 2001. In their obituaries, each of their families downplayed their sexuality, if it was even mentioned at all. That sort of action made me sick to my stomach. I know that no matter how I leave this world, my friends/family would make sure I wasn’t homogenized into some watered down, straight-friendly version of myself. Despite having that sort of love and support, which was forged over the years, hell, even having lost friends to suicide, it still didn’t stop the suicidal thoughts from creeping in. I don’t know for certain if there’s ever anything that truly would. Granted, they only surface after I’ve been dealt a particularly rough emotional blow. Currently all I can do is acknowledge the feeling, and focus on the positive things that I have in my life.

  
 

There are some that say that suicide is selfish, or cowardly. As someone who has had those thoughts before, and may again, I’ll agree to a point. In a sense, it is selfish, because you’re out of pain, but you’ve left a world of it behind for everyone else. People love you, and would miss you if you were gone. That, more than anything, is something that we need to remember, and repeat. PEOPLE LOVE YOU, AND WOULD MISS YOU IF YOU WERE GONE. It’s easy to look back, as a stronger person, and see how things used to be. Something that devastated you weeks/months/years ago, may not even cross your mind in the here and now. You aren’t selfish or a coward to not want to be in pain.

  
 

We as a community have suffered in silence for too long, and we need to learn how to be open and expressive about our feelings. If you don’t think that your friends or family would be able to understand, there are still resources are available. The Trevor Project is specifically set up to help with struggling LGBT youth; their number is 866-488-7386. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 800-273-8255. Don’t let things get so bad that you want to extinguish your light. You are beautiful, and the world is, and will be, a better place because you’re in it. Pain is temporary, but death is forever, so don’t make a permanent decision based on a temporary feeling. All my love to you and yours. Stay strong!