By Joshie Jaxon
Greetings, geek fans! Sorry for the trickle of posts for the past few weeks. It’s a busy time of year. It’s also a stressful time of year, one that can make even the strongest person depressed. Today I’m here to talk about what I’ve observed in our communities hookup culture, and what it can do to a person. Let the geeks begin!
There are many sites and apps available nowadays for people to put a profile on and try to get what they are after. Some are looking just to chat, and make friends. Others are hoping for dates or a potential relationship. I don’t think anyone actually uses apps for networking, but it’s on there to make us feel less superficial. Then there’s the most popular selection, for right now, aka all I want is sex. I get it, we’re gay men. We all get horny, and we all want it to be taken care of by more than just our own hand. Whether you’re on an app daily trying to get off, or you go in maybe once a month, there is nothing wrong with that. You’re allowed to express and indulge your sex drive as frequently as it suits you.
That being said, because this is all done online, with no face to face interaction, cause let’s face it, the majority of profiles are headless torsos, it’s created a disconnect that’s already so common in our modern age. The main thing about any online interaction is that it’s with a screen, so we feel we can say whatever we want, because we don’t have to see the person’s reaction. That’s all very well and good for fighting with religious nutbags, sanctimommies, internet trolls, and republicans, but within our own community we need to show more respect. You don’t see as much coverage as a few years ago, but suicide in the LGBT community is still prevalent. While I doubt a lack of a Friday night handjob is leading to it, the lack of basic decency in our interactions could be a contributing factor. Every single one of us is trying to connect with someone on some level. Since it’s so easy to try and get laid without leaving the house, it’s more important than ever that we give people the respect they deserve as human beings.
Back in my youth, god that makes me sound older than I am, I would go to the club every weekend. It was the highlight of my week. It allowed me to get out and dance off the stress from the work week, as well as look at all the hot guys grinding around on the floor. When I was a baby gay, I went out without friends. I was on my own in unfamiliar territory. As time passed, I got to know more people, and the experience wasn’t as scary. Granted, the scariest experience of the bunch, was actually getting up the nerve to talk to someone you thought was attractive. Your heart races, you get clamy hands, and your mouth is dry. But, you work yourself up, and go introduce yourself. Maybe you get shot down, maybe you get a dance, pity or genuine, maybe they politely say they’re taken, which is code for not interested, while still being polite. There is the key. When you’re in a face to face environment, your basic upbringing causes you to use manners, rather than just devastating a person cause you don’t think they’re hot enough.
This brings me to my point, we’ve lost that in our culture. We forget there’s a person on the other side of the screen. We only care about getting our dick sucked, and finding the hottest person in the room, so to speak, to do it. If we treated interactions on these apps and sites as if they were standing in front of us, the results would be different. A person standing in front of you who said “Hi”, or paid you a compliment wouldn’t be greeted with silence. There would at least be some kind of acknowledgement that you’d been spoken too, even if you followed it up with a simple, “thank you, but I’m not interested”. It isn’t that difficult, and doesn’t take a world of time out of your day. I get it, you’re so hot, and so many people talk to you that it’s exhausting. However, some of us aren’t hitting on everything in the room hoping for a reply. You may have been the only one they reached out to, and it took them effort to do so. If you wouldn’t want it done to you, don’t do it to someone else.
I had a recent interaction I’m going to share with you. I’d been talking to a guy for about a day or so. Nothing major, the usual, what are you into, can I see your goods, sorta thing. The next time we chatted, he’d mentioned he was having a bad day, and just felt like shoving everyone away. Knowing that when you feel that, all you really want it someone to try and make it better, I sent pics to try and cheer him up. And no, it wasn’t dick pics, I sent humorous memes, in an effort to help. His reaction was interesting. He asked why I was bothering, since most people only care about sex. I told him there was nothing wrong with being a good person. He didn’t know what to make of that. In the no pic = no chat world, most people don’t give two shits how the person on the other end is doing, unless it’s going to effect them getting off. It makes me feel sad for our community to see it reduced to that. When a kind gesture is met with questioning suspicion, there’s a problem. I doubt this post will make too much of an impact, but I honestly hope it does. If nothing else, we need to remember our basic humanity, and treat people with a little respect. Your beautiful face or body may get you laid, but if you aren’t pretty on the inside, you’ll never be truly happy.
Love and light to you and yours. Until next time, stay geeky, and keep gabbing!